


Scattered Petals

by MyMindsMadness



Category: Naruto
Genre: Dirty Talk, Established Relationship, Explicit Language, F/M, Miscarriage, Non-Linear Narrative, Psychological Torture, SasuNaru - Freeform, Sexual Content, Teacher-Student Relationship, Torture, Violence, kakasaku - Freeform, sensei kink
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-13
Updated: 2019-11-15
Packaged: 2021-01-30 06:43:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 17
Words: 44,453
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21423889
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MyMindsMadness/pseuds/MyMindsMadness
Summary: It’s been almost three years since Sakura went missing. While her friends mourned an empty grave, Kakashi never stopped looking. Only Tsunade and Pakkun knew why he would only take missions that put him in the vicinity of her last known location. Just like they were the only ones that knew he'd been in love with her for years.When team seven reunites to finally track her down, Kakashi is worried not only by the fact that Sakura doesn’t remember him, but that she doesn't even seem to know who she is. It doesn’t help that she was sent to kill them… that’s not exactly ideal either.Kakashi wants her back and Sakura wants them to let her go. All they know is that an unknown jutsu and her own subconscious are the only things that are keeping her from the truth… but is two years too long?
Relationships: Haruno Sakura/Hatake Kakashi, Uchiha Sasuke/Uzumaki Naruto
Comments: 119
Kudos: 180





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> I’m going to be real with you guys, it’s been years *cough*overadecade*cough* since I’ve watched Naruto. I remember a majority of the plot, but I’m bound to screw up. I know there are certain interactions and phrases we expect to see from the anime (I.E. certain words in Japanese, gestures that no one would do irl, etc.) but I’m writing this as if these were real people, so it might feel a bit more… serious? Ooc? Something like that. Some things will be intentionally changed from canon and moved around. I hope none of these are too off putting. The plot itself was inspired by Captain America: Winter Solider. 
> 
> Shameless plotbunny theft aside, I really liked the idea of exploring Sakura. I hate how they did her dirty in Boruto by essentially making her a house wife. And yes, I know she’s a badass medical kunoichi that basically runs the hospital alone, but she deserved so much more than a cookie-cutter ending that had her benched while Uchiha basically tossed her and their daughter aside (again), but… what was I saying? Oh yeah, dynamic female lead! She will be OOC from how we see her in the anime and tbh, there isn’t much fighting. 
> 
> This was originally going to be a quick little romance story that didn’t really feature any side characters, and it just kind of got away from me. 
> 
> Side note: I’m not an author. I did this for fun and don’t even have a beta reader. I apologize for rough segments/typos. And before anyone gets tooooo excited, there aren’t many sexual scenes, and only one that comes close to full on sex. I just… meh
> 
> Finally, I know a lot of people don’t like established relationships, I get it. But the story will be flashing back and forth, so you’ll still get to see the beginnings of their feels! The dates themselves were guesses (in our timeline) since I couldn’t find a birth year for any of the main characters, I went by the release dates of the show. The first few chapters are pretty exposition-heavy, but it picks up!
> 
> But enough of my rambling! On with the show!

* * *

Prologue

_Summer 2010_

She wasn’t sure when they had gotten so comfortable around each other. She supposed it was around the same time Sasuke and Naruto had begun sneaking around. It was true that Sakura still had feelings for Sasuke, but they were… _different_. How could she explain that she both loved him and hated him at the same time? Since she was ten years old, Sakura’s whole focus had been the only remaining Uchiha. Her obsession was pushed to new heights when he disappeared from the village in search of his vengeance. That was probably when her definition of love became warped. 

She swore for years that she loved him. She declared it to Naruto and Kakashi more times than she could count as they chased yet another dead end. But sometime between the last time she had seen him and the start of the war, Sakura began to question her own feelings. He was so… _different_. Or maybe – she realized one night as she pushed a shinobi’s intestines back into his chest cavity – she was the one that was different. They had been apart for so long, how could she truly love him? Maybe it was the memory of him that she loved. Or maybe it was the idea. Maybe she had never really loved him at all. Either way, Sakura wasn’t sure she knew what love was anymore.

When she saw Sasuke again, _really_ saw him, is was as everything was drawing to a close. Kakashi’s arm was slumped over her shoulder, but he was _okay_. It was more than she could say for the other two. They both lay sprawled out on the rocks, smiling at each other despite their missing limbs. _That_ – Sakura had thought with a shock – _is love._ She was an idiot. How had she not seen it before? The way Naruto fought to bring Sasuke home. They way they had always been at each other’s throats, but when push came to shove, couldn’t finish each other off. The way they smiled at each other in the midst of death and war…

She waited for the jealousy, the possessiveness, the hatred… It never came. Sakura found herself more worried about their physical well being than the fact that she had just lost the man she had been chasing for over half of her life. Maybe that was a good thing. Maybe it was time that they all moved on and healed.

They didn’t tell her. To be fair, they didn’t tell anyone. If not for the years they spent together as a team, even Sakura might not have noticed the subtle changes. Her inner voice berated them for not trusting her with the truth, even if she knew why they would be cautious. Part of her thought about simply catching them in the act to force their hand… but what would it solve? She wanted them to tell her on their own. To _trust_ her with that information. Slowly, Sakura started distancing herself from them.

She leaned on Sai at first. He was a good friend, even though he sometimes got things wrong. What mattered was that he never stopped trying, and always had good intentions. They grew closer than before, but that all ended when Sakura made the mistake of going out with him and Ino at the same time. After that, she had officially become the third wheel.

And then things became different again_. _Kakashi had always been a mystery to Sakura. It was his intention, of course. He didn’t want anyone to see the part of him he kept pushed deep down. Maybe that was why she was surprised to see his mournful face (what she could see of it anyway) at the memorial stone. Her steps only faltered for a second before she dropped to her knees beside him, carefully laying the flowers she held at the base of the stone. She closed her eyes, leaving him in peace with his ghosts as she confronted her own.

No one really knew that her parents had been casualties in the war. They were faceless Chūnin in a sea of the dead. She could have almost sworn that the stone had doubled in size since then. It was true that Sakura and her parents never really saw eye to eye, but the fact that they were gone still hurt. She was lucky – she would try to tell herself. She had her parents a lot longer than any of her team members. Sakura didn’t realize that she was crying until Kakashi wordlessly pressed a soft piece of cloth into her folded hands.

They didn’t speak until they hit the main streets, each carrying the weight of the dead on their shoulders. “Come on.” Sakura offered and she nodded to her small apartment. “I’ll make you dinner.”

She didn’t know it at the time, but those simple words would set her on a completely new path. Somehow, a routine was born out of the offer. It started as once a week, and it wasn’t on purpose. The first few times, they just happened to be at the stone at the same time. Before she knew it, Sakura was confirming that they would meet there and have dinner after the following week.

Sakura found in Kakashi the friendship and connection she had been longing for. It cushioned the blow when Naruto and Sasuke left for a long-term mission without even saying goodbye. Soon, the weekly meetings before more frequent. They didn’t meet up at the stone anymore, deciding instead to just show up at each other’s apartments. He let her put bows in his hair while they watched movies, and she let him talk her into trying spicy foods she _knew_ she would hate.

It was at one of their dinners that Sakura first saw his face. It had startled her so badly, that she had choked on her Miso. Her face was crimson by the time he finished patting her solidly on the back, and she wasn’t entirely sure it was from embarrassment. He was handsome… more than that, he was _beautiful_. She almost told him as much before catching herself.

With a small smile that she could now fully see, he shrugged lightly. “It was about time.” He offered simply, turning his focus back to his meal as if nothing was out of the ordinary. Sakura was sure she would never be able to look at Miso the same way again.

Once again, Sakura found that things were… _different._


	2. Chapter One

Chapter One

_Spring 2016_

Kakashi was late. Then again, he was always late. He didn’t even bother to apologize as he slipped inside the Hokage’s office through the open window. His eyes didn’t leave the pages of his favorite book, but he didn’t see the words. In the bottom corner of the left page was a dark fingerprint that he knew to be Sakura’s. It was on one of their movie nights that she had turned the page before realizing there was chocolate on her hands. He softened at the memory of how she had cursed lightly, sucking the sweet remnants from her finger. She offered to buy him a new one, but he waved her off. He knew the risks of lending her one of his books while she was distracted.

“Yo.” He greeted in a bored tone as he pocketed the book. He was more thankful for his mask on days like this.

The remaining members of team seven sat in front of the Hokage’s desk. Usually, their attitudes were textbook. Sai would say something unintentionally mean, but would then correct himself. Naruto would yell at Kakashi for being late (again), but his anger would turn to Sasuke as the raven-haired Uchiha called him an idiot. Before Naruto could turn an impressive shade of purple, Sasuke would kiss him and the color would shift to red. They were an odd pair, but it must have worked for them. They were engaged after all.

Today though, Kakashi’s throat grew thick at the mixed expressions of worry and sadness. Had someone else died? Yamato? Kakashi had heard that he was out on a solo mission, but the man was fairly competent when it came to avoiding death.

“Kakashi.” Tsunade’s voice was uncharacteristically soft. _Oh no_. They finally did it…

Steeling himself, Kakashi stood a bit straighter. “You found Sakura’s body then…” The words were like gravel in his throat.

When Sakura had gone missing three years ago, Kakashi led the search and rescue party. They looked for weeks with no results. He ran his ninken into the ground, only letting up because Pakkun threatened to void their contract if Kakashi didn’t start treating them (and himself) better. They loved Sakura too, but there was nothing. The Land of Waves was not forgiving when it came to preserving scents. Since then, Kakashi made a point of only taking missions that would take him there, and he always stayed an extra day in hopes of getting a flash of pink hair. As long as her body wasn’t found, he held hope… but now…

“Kakashi.” Tsunade’s voice was a bit sterner this time. “I’ve already informed the rest of your team because you were late. What I’m about to say, I need you to hear it all before you go flying out of my office on some stupid suicide mission. I have Anbu stationed around the building and at the gates who are prepared to stop you by any means necessary if you leave this office before I'm done.” He sometimes forgot that Tsunade knew the true nature of his relationship with Sakura. “Do I make myself clear?”

Kakashi had been depressed when he returned from the rescue mission. He wouldn’t respond to the Hokage’s summonses, nor would he let anyone come to him. When Tsunade finally kicked down his (Sakura's) door it was with a familiar piece of paper in hand, and an angry frown. No one outside of Anbu knew, but he was put on a watch list for the months that followed. Tsunade finally figured out that the only missions he would take were to the last location Sakura was seen. She must have found it preferable to his new hermit lifestyle.

“Crystal.” His hands clenched in his pockets. He was going to be put on watch again, and this time everyone would know.

“There have been sightings of a pink-haired woman on the border of Lightning. She matches Sakura's description.” His ears seemed to fail him then, only leaving him with a steady _whoom whoom_ pulsing against the drum. Kakashi blinked against the racing of his heart as he tried to focus on the Hokage’s moving lips. “For Kami’s sake. Sit down, Hatake.”

He fell into the chair beside Sasuke, for lack of will to fight. All eyes were on him now, but he didn’t care. There was a _chance._ “As I was saying, we have a _potential_ sighting. I don’t want you to get your hopes up.” She downed a cup of sake quickly, and on some level, it seemed as if she was talking to herself. “It’s a rare hair color, but not exclusive to Sakura. Our informant also reported that the woman was part of a larger group of missionaries that had been terrorizing smaller villages.” Her face betrayed the formal tone she was trying to uphold. “If, by some _slim_ chance this is Sakura, we have to be prepared to treat her as a rogue nin.”

“Sakura would never-“

“I said _don’t_ interrupt me!” Tsunade’s steely gaze shut Naruto up as her foot stomped the ground under her desk, causing the whole floor to vibrate. Calming herself, Tsunade turned back to Kakashi. ”I love Sakura like a daughter, and I know she wouldn’t intentionally do something to hurt innocent people. It’s why I’m skeptical to believe that this is even her. And if it is… someone might be manipulating her.”

Kakashi resisted the urge to yank down his mask and gulp for the air his lungs suddenly couldn't get enough of. Of course, he had never given up hope, but a small dark side of him had assumed… He had always been prepared for the worst. The thought that she might be alive… that there was even a chance to bring her home… “When do we leave?”

Tsunade sighed, eyeing him for a long moment before refilling her sake cup. “I’m going to send you. _All_ of you.” She gestured to the rest of the team. Kakashi had nearly forgotten that they were there. “But it’s against my better judgment.” He opened his mouth to protest, but she simply held up a hand. “You’re emotionally compromised when it comes to Sakura, Kakashi. She’s been gone for over two years, and you’re still as madly in love with her as you were the day she left.”

He didn’t care about Naruto’s open-mouthed look or Sasuke’s questioning glare. He might have at one point in time, but what they thought wasn’t important. None of it was important. Only _her_. “Yes.” He answered despite the fact that it wasn’t a question.

“I’m banking on that to get through to her. If it _is_ even her, and she _is_ being controlled.” Downing another cup of sake, Tsunade fixed him was a stern glare. “Don’t make me regret this, Hatake. If you can’t locate and confirm this mercenary is Sakura in a week’s time, you are to return home. If you _can_ confirm it’s her, I want her brought back to Konoha by any means necessary. You are to keep me updated. I want to know as soon as you find her, and if you need more time it will be granted under the stipulation that this isn’t some wild goose chase.” Kakashi simply nodded, not trusting his ability to speak. “You leave at sunset.”

For once, Kakashi wasn’t late. 

* * *

_Spring 2011_

_He pretended to read as he watched her sprawl out amongst his pack of dogs, her pink hair splashing across the fresh green of the grass. He wasn’t sure when he had started to find Sakura more scintillating than Icha Icha, but it had been a while. Her head lulled to the side so she could smile at him as Bull snored loudly. They had a lot of days like this, and they were his favorites. They didn’t have to speak or train… they could just co-exist._

_Tilting her head back, Sakura reached up to lazily stroke Bull’s fur. Despite his best efforts to the contrary, Kakashi’s eyes landed on that small sliver of skin that revealed itself as her shirt rose. He had seen her in a lot less – the hazards of being a ninja - but it was different when he got little peeks like this. This wasn’t Sakura on a mission in disguise, it wasn’t her changing quickly so they could move before enemies found them… this was the Sakura that only he had access to._

_Kakashi fought the urge to clear his throat as he forced his eyes back to the book in his hands. He allowed himself small indulgences when he was in her company, but he could never forget just who it was that made his heart beat like a teenage boy with his very first crush. Sakura was a strong, beautiful woman that had grown into her own intelligence and independence (with little help on his end), but she was also fourteen years his junior. Despite how neglectful he had been, she was also once his student. There were unspoken rules when it came to these sort of things. He was thirty five, closer to forty than he was to thirty, and she was twenty-one. She was just starting the best time in her life. How could he even think of her in a way that would rob her of all of the experiences that were yet to come? She deserved someone her own age to take that journey with, not someone that had done it already a decade and a half prior. _

_With each passing day, Kakashi sincerely hoped that he would grow to believe all that. _

_“You didn’t pass my page did you?” Sakura asked as she stood, brushing the grass from her skirt and pulling Kakashi out of his self-deprecating thoughts._

_“Getting to it now.” He pulled down his mask to smile up at her. It was partially because he knew she liked seeing his face, but the more selfish part of him liked the way she still blushed lightly when he did so. She had confessed over dinner one night that it felt like seeing him naked. That had sent him down a dark mental path._

_“You were gonna pass me!” She declared, hands on her hips._

_Kakashi had been elated when he had made an Icha Icha fan out of Sakura. Of course, he was the only one that knew. She refused to buy her own copies, and he didn’t buy her the set for the selfish reason that he enjoyed watching her borrow his. On holidays, or when he was feeling particularly generous, he would get her one of the books. Never all of them, and never in the correct order. It insured that she still needed his._

_“You know I’ve read them all.” He offered dryly. “Stopping me from reading them now won’t make a difference.”_

_“Yes it will! When the story is fresh in your mind, you’re more likely to open that big mouth of yours!”_

_“Once.” Kakashi groaned as he let his head fall back against the tree behind him. “I let a tiny spoiler slip _once_.”_

_“The fact that Miasu was a double agent is not a tiny spoiler, Kakashi!” He winced. “You know the deal. No reading ahead me.”_

_Kakashi made a show of rolling his eyes, but was secretly elated as Sakura kicked the bottom of his shoe, forcing his legs apart so she could sit between them. He wasn’t sure who had started this reading arrangement, but he was eternally grateful that one of them had. He rested an arm on his bended knee as Sakura relaxed against his chest, taking the book from him._

_At first, Kakashi had worried that the position in tandem with the contents of the book would lead to an awkward reaction from his body, but he didn’t have to. He found himself unable to focus on the content of the pages when he learned that Sakura moved her lips as she read. He often spent the hour or so simply watching them move. Perhaps this was the real reason he was happy to share his books._

_Resting his bare chin on her shoulder so he could pretend to see the book in her hands, Kakashi smiled as her full lips began to open and close. He would later look back on that as the exact moment he fell in love with Sakura Haruno. _


	3. Chapter Two

Chapter Two

_Spring 2016_

Kakashi resisted the urge to use a soldier pill. He had relied heavily on them in his Anbu days, and didn’t want to pick up the habit again. Besides, their mission could very well stretch into several weeks if everything went well. He didn’t want to spend any of that time on bed rest. Especially without Sakura there to heal him. He hadn’t let a healer touch him since her disappearance. It frustrated the Hokage to no end, especially when he had accidentally nearly depleted his chakra. The compromise was that she taught him enough to repair superficial wounds and breaks. For anything else, he was to go to her directly. He hadn’t.

“We should rest for the night.” Sasuke’s voice wasn’t tentative, but it wasn’t as stern as it once was. He was walking on eggshells around Kakashi. They all were. Well, except maybe Sai. “It’s another day and a half to Lightning. Pushing ourselves hard now will just force us to take downtime when we get there.”

“I know.” Kakashi’s voice didn’t hold as much tension as he felt. If anything, he sounded defeated. Dropping into a clearing, he set his pack on the ground. They were still in allied territory, so there wasn’t much need to scout the perimeter. “I’ll take first watch.”

“We passed a river about ten minutes ago.” Sai spoke up as he placed his pack near a tree before grabbing his ink. “I’ll go and see if I can get us some fresh fish. Since we don’t know how long this will take, I think we should preserve the rations we brought.”

Kakashi waved him off, pulling a familiar orange book from his pocket. “You two can fight among yourselves about watch shifts.” He offered in a bored tone.

“Cut the act, Sensei!” Naruto nearly screamed against the quiet of the forest. Sighing, Kakashi ran his finger of the dark print on the page before looking up. To Naruto’s credit, he had gone a whole half day without screaming. “You told Granny-Tsunade back there that you were in love with Sakura! Why did you lie?”

Sasuke scoffed as he rolled out his sleeping bag. “He didn’t lie, moron.” His tone was light. Laying out Naruto’s sleeping bag as well, he zipped them together. It was almost sweet... if not for his words. “He’s been on the same page of that book since before we left.” He looked to Kakashi with a hint of a smirk. "He's completely focused on getting her back."

He liked it better before his students knew how to read people. “It was Sakura’s favorite.” He explained simply, dark eyes turning to the bright cover clutched between his fingers.

“Ha!” Naruto’s short laugh was accusatory. “Now I _know_ you’re lying! Sakura would never read a pervy book like that in a million years!”

Kakashi tried to beat down the anger inside of him. The situation was pushing at his control, and to hear Naruto talk as if he could _possibly_ know more about Sakura than Kakashi did grated his nerves further. “What would you know?” His voice was a deadly calm as his face turned back to Naruto. “You both cut her out of your lives. You have no idea who she really was... _is._”

* * *

_Summer 2011_

_“You’re scared!” Sakura’s laugh was not the bubbly sound that Kakashi loved, but taunting and short. Kakashi wasn’t a fan. “I can’t believe the great Copy Nin, the would-be sixth Hokage, the man that has taken out more enemies single-handedly than whole Anbu teams is afraid of heights!”_

_Kakashi bristled against her words, suddenly wishing he was still wearing his mask, or a shirt for that matter. He was sure the very un-manly flush that started in his cheeks was creeping southward now. “I’m not afraid of heights!” He said with a tone of arrogance. “… I’m afraid of falling. Well, more so the end of the fall.”_

_He looked over the edge of the cliff where the waterfall crashed noisily below. In retrospect, when Sakura talked him into cliff-diving with her, he hadn’t thought of much beyond her in the red bikini she had been holding at the time. Still, they could have just as easily started at the smaller ledge below. He cursed Tsunade for sending Sakura on that delivery mission. She wouldn’t have found the location otherwise._

_“I promise not to tell anyone that you’re a chicken.” Sakura teased lightly, her laugh rolling into the bubbly one as Kakashi glared at her. He looked away, if only because he couldn’t stay mad at her when she looked like that. “How about we jump together?” She breathed into the end of her laughter as she held her hand out for Kakashi to take._

_She could throw him over the edge if she really wanted to – not that he would bring that to her attention. He supposed that if he had to plummet to his potential death, it would be a nicer end with her hand in his. He just never thought that a five-foot-five kunoichi would be the death of him. Sighing, he wrapped his calloused hand around her own. “You’re never picking our weekend activity again.”_

_“See how you feel after we jump.” She winked at him. The gesture left him so dumbfounded that he almost missed the fact that they were falling. If Sakura ever told anyone about the scream that left his throat right before they hit the water, he would deny it whole-heartedly._

_He held fast to her tiny hand as he broke the surface of the water, his vision clouded by a hazy white light. Only when Sakura’s laugh surrounded him again did he realize his hair was covering his face. Reluctantly, he released her hand to push it back. “Okay, so that wasn’t terrible.” He conceded when met with her excited smile._

_“Want to go again?”_

_“Not on your life.” He couldn’t help the lazy smile that stretched across his lips at her joy._

_She was beautiful like this. Her hair was three shades darker, braided back away from her face. She had been letting it grow out again, much to Kakashi’s delight. Her face was nearly the same shade as her hair, the mixture of heat and adrenalin painting her skin all the way down to where the water hid the rest of her body. It was her eyes, however, that always held Kakashi captive. They were so open and expressive. She was not the young girl that had once trained under him and wanted for nothing more than to be noticed by a boy. She was a grown woman that had seen her fair share of problems. She had worked to become one of the best medic nins the Leaf had ever seen. She had seen war and carnage. She had known loss… but her eyes remained the same. She hadn’t let herself become jaded as many did after such things._

_“Kakashi?” Her small voice pulled him from his thoughts. Had he just been staring at her as they treaded water? Maybe he really was becoming an old pervert. “…I think I’m falling in love with you.”_

_Her words hit harder than even she could, so he didn’t fully blame himself for freezing as she pulled herself forward to kiss his bare lips. This woman – this remarkable woman that he had coveted for over a year now, felt the same. His body moved before his brain could restart, wrapping his arms around her tiny waist._

_“Good,” he breathed against her lips before seizing control of the kiss._

_Of course Sakura hadn’t felt the same fear he had when confronted with these strong feelings. He forgot that she was also the _bravest _woman he’d ever met._

* * *

_Winter 2012_

_Kakashi could feel the tension in jaw as she stood silent. Why did women do that? They stood there and waited for the men to dig their own graves. On this, however, Kakashi wouldn’t budge. He was entitled to be angry. “If you’re waiting for me to cave, you might as well get comfortable.”_

_“It’s not about caving, Kakashi!” Her voice had risen an octave. History had taught him that he had about two more before she started punching holes in the wall. He was just glad they were at her place. “I didn’t tell you so that we could fight. I told you because you’re my boyfriend and I thought you should know!”_

_“Where was that courtesy when you made a life-altering decision without me? We agreed when we started this, Sakura. No secrets. Our relationship is complicated enough without adding fuel to the fire.” He nearly flinched at her humorless laugh. This is where she would somehow flip the script and make him feel guilty._

_“Complicated? Kakashi, we can’t even hold hands in public! You’re so afraid of people judging us!”_

_“You.” He clarified, confirming that it was in fact guilt swirling in his stomach. “I was afraid of what they’d say about _you_. I don’t care what they think of me. I’ve heard it all. I don’t want you to feel shame walking down the street.” Mostly, he didn’t want her to leave him. If it went beyond the two of them… she might realize that she was settling._

_“I’m a big girl. I can take care of myself.”_

_“Clearly.” He scoffed and ran a hand through his already messy hair. “You’re joining Anbu after all.” He spat it like it was poison. “I can’t believe… you had months. Months, Sakura! It takes months to get your application approved. You kept me in the dark all this time.”_

_“Tsunade had it expedited. It’s only been a week.” He voice was small now, maybe because he had unintentionally screamed at her. He hated the fact that he had caused that look on her face. “Are you… do you not want to be together anymore?” He could tell from the rise of her chin that she was trying to be strong._

_Sighing (and pulling at his hair one more time), Kakashi reached for her. She moved into his arms and onto his lap without thought. They had always moved so well together. For a long moment, he said nothing, simply enjoying the feel of holding her on the old couch that always smelled of her perfume._

_“I will always want to be with you, Sakura.” He admitted, burying his nose behind her ear. He felt the tension ease from her body as her hand tightened on his arm. “That’s why this is so hard for me. I get called back to Anbu for extreme cases, but otherwise, I got out. You… you’ll be so far and in so much danger.” He could practically hear the retort on the tip of her tongue, so he squeezed her tighter to him and continued. “And I know… I _know _you’re more than capable of protecting yourself. I know that you're so much stronger than people give you credit for… but I…” How could he tell her all the things he felt for her? He wasn’t sure the words existed. “I love you… I… I can’t lose you too. I don’t have it in me to survive that.”_

_For a long moment, she didn’t say anything. Her small hand was making a journey through his hair as her lips rested against his temple. “You always find me when I need you most.” She spoke softly into his ear. “When I need saving, or cheering up, or someone to talk to… We always find each other, Kakashi.”_

_He pulled back to look at her, his sullen expression nothing compared to her swollen eyes. He hated when she cried, especially if he caused it. “We’ll tell people. After your training, and after Tsunade names me Sixth Hokage. We’ll tell the whole village.” He promised. She didn’t know it then, but he had every intention of making her his wife before he took office._

_“You’re always at my place, you know.” She smiled when he raised a questioning eyebrow. “What I’m saying is… I don’t think anyone would notice if your clothes were here too.”_

_“Sakura Haruno.” He faked a gasp as she rolled her eyes. “Are you asking the future Hokage to live in sin with you?”_

_“I was, but now I’m thinking about taking it ba-ah!” Her own scream cut off her words as Kakashi flipped them so that she was sprawled under him, his weight pushing her into the plump cushions._

_“Nope. No backsies.” He declared, peppering her face with a dozen small kisses before muffling her laugh with a firm one on the lips. “You’re stuck with me now, Haruno.”_

_“I think I can live with that.” She reached up to wrap her arms around his neck, her eyes shining with happiness. Kami, how he loved this woman. “I’ve already seen your porn stash, so…” she shrugged._

_“And you love it.” He gave her a crooked smile as she played with the hair at the nape of his neck. “If Anbu is what you feel you have to do, Sakura, I’ll help you in any way I can.” What’s done was done. He couldn’t let his fear of losing her rule their lives. “They did tell you that you have to make your own mask, didn’t they? Helps with a sense of identity.”_

_“Very funny.” Her smile wavered as he raised an eyebrow. “Wait! Really? You know I’m not creative!” She reached for him as he pushed off of the couch. “Don’t just drop something like that on me and walk away! What happened to my help!?” Kakashi chuckled his way to the bedroom, the shrill cries of his favorite kunoichi not far behind._


	4. Chapter Three

Chapter Three

_Spring 2016_

_The sunlight seemed muted, which wasn’t that strange for late fall, but she still found herself missing the warmth that summer had to offer. It wasn’t too terribly bad, thanks to the silver-haired shinobi that clung to her like a lifeline in his sleep_ _. His head was pillowed somewhere between her collarbone and breast, but she knew what his sleeping face would look like. The first few mornings she had awoken in his bed she did nothing but study his face. The harsh angles that made up his sharp jaw. The perfect imperfection of his slightly crooked nose. The arch that made up the cupid’s bow of his top lip. She noticed the scars too. There weren’t many on his face, but the ones that made their home there told stories. The thin line that started just under his bottom lip and traveled down his chin – narrowly missing the beauty mark she secretly loved. The small dent on his right cheek where an enemy had caught him with a kunai. She had healed that one herself, but because he wouldn’t let her remove the mask, it scarred. _

_“You’re thinking too loud.” His voice was gruff from sleep. Slowly, he turned those dark eyes to her, his chin coming to rest where his head had just been. _

_She smiled lightly, running her hand through his crazy hair. Somehow, it was even messier in the mornings. “One of these days, you’re going to have to let me be the little spoon.” _

_“No way.” He gave her a crooked smile, his right cheek dimpling. “You have to pay your dues first.”_

_She hummed, her eyes heavy. It was nice to lay here in bed. She had never had that with anyone. The men she had dated after the war weren’t the cuddling type. Then again, she would never have guessed the man in her arms was either. He stared back lazily, his calloused fingers drawing lazy circles on the bare skin over her ribs. It somehow tickled and felt amazing at the same time. _

_“I love you.” His tone was quiet, almost like he felt the heavy serenity around them as well. Her fingers paused in his hair, her mouth opening just the slightest. After her somewhat-confession at the waterfall two months ago, neither of them uttered the L word. She certainly didn’t expect it from him. He licked his lips slowly. Nervous. He was nervous. It was so heartbreakingly endearing that she couldn’t help but smile. _

_“Good.” She replied playfully, as he had that day. She pushed up enough to meet his lips, groaning as he closed the gap. _

_His body covered her own, boxing her in place. It was something that should have scared her – being trapped with no way out. But she never felt that way when he did this. She felt… safe. He always made her feel safe. All thoughts ceased as his mouth found her pulse point, his teeth dragging across the sensitive skin before they were replaced with the flat of his tongue. _

_Fire surged her body as his hands moved across her heated flesh. Those books – those stupid, wonderful books. She would have to write a thank you letter to – her thoughts slipped away again. His stubble was minimal, but she still felt the burn of it over her sensitive flesh. His mouth paused just under her collarbone, as it always did. It was the first scar he had come across that first night. He made sure that every time his mouth was on her body, he paid special attention to the scars that marred it. This one in particular. She had gotten it during the Chūnin exams. It was a tiny thing, hardly more than a silvered sliver, but he blamed himself for putting her in that forest in the first place. _

_When he had thoroughly apologized to the tiny bit of flesh she hardly noticed, he continued downward. She opened her eyes – she _had_ to. This was the part she loved most. He was already looking at her, his eyes dancing playfully. This… this was the side of him she loved most of all. The side that belonged only to her. _

_As his tongue swiped across her tight, rosy nipple, she arched into his touch. “Ka-“_

“Ami!” The pink-haired woman awoke with a gasp, her heart pounding in her chest even as the memory of the dream began to fade.

They were always like that – the dreams. They would be so unbelievably vivid when she was in them. No detail neglected, but the moment she woke, they would fade. Eventually, Ami would remember just the basics.

When she first started having them, she thought that they were related to trauma. After all, they hadn’t started until her brother rescued her from her would-be kidnappers. He helped her remember some of the memories she had lost, but the kidnappers had done a good job wiping her mind. The dreams came a week after she was back at the hideout. They changed between scenes and times. No two were exactly the same, but one element remained… the man. No matter how many times she dreamed of him, she couldn’t remember his face. He might as well have been wearing a mask.

She had asked Jin about them, hoping that perhaps this man was from her past, though no one in the hideout jogged her memory. Her brother had grown angry at her questions. He claimed that she was remembering one of her kidnappers – that they had taken advantage of her. It was shocking to hear, especially since from what little she could remember, the dreams weren’t scary. In the end, Jin told her that the topic was too upsetting. They didn’t speak of it again.

“Ami, I know you’re not _that_ heavy of a sleeper.” Jin poked his head into the largest room of the abandoned cabin they had made their hideout for the week. The company consisted of twelve men and two women. They tended to let the women have the run of the hideout, so Ami always got the biggest room.

“Sorry. Still tired from that raid I guess.” She stretched as she stood. “Seeing as you wouldn’t be waking me up for nothing, I assume I have a job?” She smiled as she pulled her waist-length hair into a high ponytail.

Although Jin’s hair was a more respectable maroon, he always claimed to envy her color. It was ridiculous. “Two towns over. A few ninja checked into the inn there four days ago. Eichi couldn’t get close enough to see what village they were from.” He moved into her room, sitting heavily on the edge of her bed. “The inn keeper thinks that they're transporting a scroll. I bet it’d be worth a pretty penny.” His smile was cat-like. Ami didn’t have to look in the mirror to know hers matched.

“You’re letting me take lead?” She asked excitedly. Jin was so far beyond protective, it got on Ami’s nerves. For the first year after he rescued her, he wouldn’t even let Ami go to the market alone. As time went on, he loosened the reins a little. Every now and then, he even let her take lead on a contract.

“Yes.” His smile widened as she all but squealed. “Since you made it to the last raid late, I’m making it up to you. You’ll get two hours alone with the ninja while Eichi and I shake down that farmer that thought he could get away with hiding half his crops from us. After we get what we want, we’ll join you. Try not to cause too much trouble.” He smiled like he already knew she would.

“I’ll get it done.” Ami nodded as she spun a kunai between her fingers.

* * *

Kakashi debated for the hundredth time whether or not Tsunade would forgive him for going rogue. _Probably not._ He didn’t listen to the idle chatter of the boys that lounged in his and Sai’s room. He had even gone out of his way to make sure that Naruto and Sasuke had gotten their own – away from him. He hadn’t counted on them being joined. Both doors had been open since they arrived. The worst part, however, was that there had been no sign of any pink-haired anything.

Before they left, Shikamaru confirmed he pattern of the mercenary’s victims. By all accounts she _should_ be here. But four days and four night had passed, and Tsunade was pulling the plug. He stared without seeing at the blank paper in front of him. It was supposed to be his last update to the Hokage – the one where he admits defeat. Perhaps he could cash in some vacation time. All Kakashi knew was that he wasn’t ready to leave yet.

“Kakashi-sensei!” Naruto waved a hand in front of his face. “I called you three times. Sai is going to grab some food from that diner across the street. What do you want?”

“Oh.” Kakashi blinked. Every day he fought the urge to take a soldier pill. “Anything is fine, Sai.” He turned away from their worried looks. Really, it was his own fault for getting his hopes up. He hardly noticed when Sai grabbed one of the room keys and slipped out.

There were nights, dark nights, that Kakashi thought about mourning her. He had put it off for so long. He wasn’t typically an optimist, not after all that he had seen. Still… there was a part of him that held on to that shred of hope. No body had been recovered and that… that was enough. He avoided the memorial stone all together since her disappearance. He was too afraid that if he went, he would talk to her the way he talked to Obito and Rin. He couldn't face her name carved beside theirs. 

Kakashi wasn’t blind to the way people regarded him now. Most thought that he had finally cracked – that the death of a student was the final straw. They didn’t know… he didn’t want them to. They were supposed to tell everyone _together._ Without Sakura, there was no point in correcting them.

When the closing of Naruto and Sasuke’s main door pulled him from his thoughts, Kakashi frowned at the younger men that sat perched on one of the hotel’s beds. “There has been a development!” Sai’s voice was instantly Kakashi’s new favorite sound.

Sasuke and Naruto were closer to the joined door, so they made it into the room before Kakashi, pausing just beyond the doorframe. Kakashi would later note this as a warning sign, but at the moment, he was too desperate for any hint of Sakura. Pushing past the younger shinobi, Kakashi felt his body stiffen at the sight before him.

Sai stood by the edge of the large bed, his pale face pulled into a smile despite the kunai held to his throat. Just behind him, almost too short to see, stood a scowling Sakura Haruno. She was angry, and her hair was longer, and her outfit only consisted of a fishnet top with cargo pants, but he would know her anywhere. If the situation were any different, Kakashi might have openly sobbed.

“I have located Sakura.” Sai’s smile widened.

Her brow furrowed at him in confusion before she looked to the others. “I’m afraid that you have something I wa-“ Her voice seemed to catch in her throat as her eyes landed on Kakashi. “You…” She breathed, shaking her head slowly. “You’re the guy…”

Hope bloomed in Kakashi’s chest. She wasn’t herself, but she _was_. She was here with him. “That’s right, Sakura…” He reached out tentatively, not wanting to scare her. Had she lost her memory? “I’m-“

“The pervy kidnapper!” She declared, jade eyes hard.

Kakashi Hatake had been called many things, but this was a first. “I knew it!” Naruto declared from behind him. His arms flailed as Sasuke held him in place. “I knew she wasn’t a pervert like you!”

“She’s wrong.” Kakashi frowned, his hand dropping to his side. “Sakura…” Her eyes narrowed at the name. “I’m _not_ a kidnapper…” He hoped the desperation in his eyes was enough to sway her into dropping the kunai. “I’m your husband.”

The resounding chorus was almost enough to make him wince. “_What_!?”


	5. Chapter Four

Chapter Four

_Fall 2013_

_“This is bad timing.” Kakashi said simply, his mood lightening a bit as Sakura’s eyebrow twitched. It was odd, but he always took some comfort in her anger. _

_“That’s it?” She sighed, placing her porcelain Anbu mask on their kitchen table. “Bad timing?” She huffed in the way that meant she wanted to be consoled. _

_With a small smile, Kakashi closed the distance between them, his arms encircling her. Her body practically melted against his, her nose burying in the loose fabric of his shirt. “You can’t exactly say no to a mission like this, and I can’t exactly say no to Tsunade without losing several of my teeth.” _

_He hoped that she didn’t sense how upset he truly was. Even if it was just a medical mission and not an Anbu one, six months a long time. “But that means if it runs even a day longer, I’ll miss you becoming Hokage. And we were going to tell everyone about us before then…”_

_“We could tell them now?” He offered, but she was already shaking her head. _

_“It wasn’t about telling them.” She turned her head so that her tiny chin dug into his chest, her bright green eyes peering up at him. “It was about what it meant for us. We’ve been together for years, and no one knows. I wanted to be able to hold your hand in public. You know… be official.” She shrugged, but the blush across her cheeks gave away the fact that she had said more than she meant to. _

_Licking his lips, Kakashi squeezed her momentarily before relaxing. “You could marry me.” The statement seemed to cut through the air. Even Pakkun who had been sleeping on the couch awoke with a snort, his beady eyes staring at the couple. When she didn’t speak, he continued nervously. “I mean, we could get married… before you left.” One hand reached up to cup the back of his neck nervously. “There’s a chapel outside the city. It would be last minute since you’re leaving in a few days, but we wouldn’t have to tell anyone right away. We could have an official one when you got back. I’m sure you’d want everyone to be there, and the Hokage’s wedding is somewhat of a political event, and I really wish you would say something to shut me up…”_

_“Wha-“ Sakura blinked. Kakashi wondered briefly if she could feel the pounding of his heart. “Did you just…” To his dismay, she pulled out of his arms, a myriad of expressions filtering across her face. “You can’t just propose to me because I’m leaving on a long mission in a few days!” Ah, so she settled on angry. “And you can’t just propose like that! There’s supposed to be a ring, or at the very least, a declaration of some sort! And you’re supposed to be down on one knee or something!” _

_Relief flooded Kakashi. It wasn’t that she didn’t want to marry him. How could he have forgotten? Sakura was a hopeless romantic. “One second!” _

_She gaped as he took off towards their bedroom. “Kakashi Hatake!” She called, but didn’t follow him. _

_It wasn’t hard for him to find the tiny box hidden under countless masked Jōnin shirts. He had taken it out and looked at its contents every day for the last few months. Sure, this might not have been how he wanted to propose to Sakura, but he knew without a doubt that she was the one. Squeezing the box tightly, he made his way back to the living room where Sakura was directing her rant about romance to an uncomfortable looking Pakkun. _

_“Uh… Boss Lady…” It still amused Kakashi that the pack had taken to calling Sakura that. He would have to add her to their contract when she returned… if she agreed. Pushing all other thoughts aside, Kakashi sank to one knee. “You might wanna turn around…” _

_The scowl on her face was short lived when eyes found him, nearly at chest height despite his position. Licking his lips again, Kakashi opened the small box. “Sakura… I know I’m not an easy man to be with, and I know I’ve made this whole relationship a lot harder because of that. But… I can’t tell you how you’ve changed my life. You make it easier to get out of bed in the morning. Having you in my life makes everything in my past seem worthwhile. I’d live through it all again if that meant it still led me to you.” He gave her a shaky smile as tears started to roll over her cheeks. Kami, he hoped those were good tears. It wasn’t always easy to tell. “I never thought I was the family type, but you changed that. You’ve changed me. I want everything. I want the clan home with the stupid little flower bed. I want you to have my last name. I want a dozen little mask-wearing, pink-haired ninja babies. Everything. Will you please marry me?”_

_The sound she made was somewhere between a sob and laugh. “You have a ring…” _

_His brows furrowed. “That-uh… I don’t know how to respond to that…” He answered honestly as he looked to the box he held. Yup, still a ring. “If it’s not big enough, we can get you a new one. I’m not sure what the protocol for this kind of thing is. I couldn’t exactly go shopping for one, but since my mother’s is a family heirloom, I thought-“_

_“It’s perfect.” She cut him off (mercifully). She sank to her knees in front of him, grabbing his face between her hands and kissing him soundly. “It’s absolutely perfect. Even more so because it was your mother’s.” Her hand shook as she held it out for him. He pretended his didn’t shake as well as he slipped the ring on her petite finger. It was a bit too large, but they could get it resized. “I was just surprised you had a ring.” She admitted, her watery eyes finding his face after inspecting the ring closer. “That means you were already planning to propose.”_

_“Of course I was.” He smiled as she kissed him again, forgetting to pull her strength. Naturally, this sent them both tumbling to the floor. His laugh was genuine as he pulled the kunoichi onto his lap, relishing in the kisses she peppered across his face. _

_“So these babies,” her smile was teasing, but there was a glimmer of something in her eyes. “A dozen might be a bit much. And will they come out wearing masks, or is there a special baby ninja outlet where we can buy them?”_

_He couldn’t help the bright smile that spread across his face. “I’m sure I have some in storage somewhere. I outgrew them fast at that age.” He teased, soaking in the warmth of her laugh. “If we hurry, we can make the chapel by sundown and spend your last nights in the village honeymooning.”_

_She practically purred against him as she kissed the corner of his mouth. “But we’ll need a witness of sound mind, and no one knows about us…”_

_At the same time, they both looked to Pakkun who was already half asleep. “What? Me?”_

* * *

_Spring 2016_

Kakashi shrugged as the story hung in the air between them. “We went to the chapel that night. It took some convincing to let Pakkun be our witness, but we pulled it off in the end. I managed to file away the certificate in your file, assuming that I’d be in office by the time you returned. I never expected Tsunade to find it.” He frowned, remembering the way she had clutched at the paper as she kicked in his door. She was still angry about not being told…

“So…” Sakura’s narrowed eyes didn’t move as she rose one thin eyebrow. “You’re telling me that you’re _not _a kidnapper? That I married a man twice my age and a talking dog was the only witness?”

“I’m not twice your age!” Kakashi nearly shrieked. Despite the seriousness of the situation, Naruto _giggled_ behind his hand. “I’m only forty!”

His heart clenched as Sakura’s nose scrunched. “And I’m only twenty. That’s twice my age, you pervert!”

“Huh?” Naruto tilted his head. “No, Sakura. You’re twenty-five. We’re all the same age. We went to the academy together!”

“I understand the importance of this conversation in regards to Sakura’s memory, but I would prefer that we had it after she released me.” Sai’s smile was still in place.

“I can prove everything.” Kakashi huffed, understanding that this wasn’t going to be solved right now.

Before she could ask, Kakashi moved quickly behind her, his fingers pressing into her neck. She was out instantly. He caught her effortlessly as the kunai at Sai’s throat fell away. She was so much of what he remembered, and yet… Her hair was _so_ much longer, and she had lost a good amount of weight. Maybe that was why she felt comfortable in next to nothing.The Sakura he had known never have worn something like that. Her entire outfit was so… dark. It was the opposite of the brightness he had always associated with her.

“We should keep her sedated until we get back to Konoha. If she has altered memories of who we are, someone might be whispering in her ear. They could be tracking her as we speak.” Kakashi’s voice was tight as he carried her limp form into the adjoining room. “Pack up as quickly as possible. I’ll send word to the Hokage.”

_Target acquired. Identity confirmed. Altered state of mind resulted in forceful apprehension. _

_On our way home._

* * *

_“Ka-ka-shiiiii!” Sakura called in a chipper voice as she toed off her shoes and carried the grocery bags to the kitchen. “I found a sale on eggplant! You’re welcome! I was thinking we could have it for dinner. I know you said that you’re tired, so I’ll cook tonight. You owe me though!” She teased as she laid out the vegetables. _

_When his chakra signature moved into the kitchen, she turned only to freeze at the sight of a familiar stick in his hands. “Sakura…” His voice was nearly breathless, and his eyes seemed… hurt? “Are you… pregnant?” _

_“I…” How could she have been so stupid? She was so worried at the positive result on the test that she had simply dumped it in the bathroom garbage and made her way directly to Tsunade’s office. The Hokage had demanded for three hours to know who the potential father could be. When Sakura refused to budge, the older woman simply sighed and checked her over. “I’m not.” _

_She expected him to be relieved, maybe even to sigh so hard that his entire body deflated, but he remained ridged. “This test is positive. I know because I read the box twenty times.” He held up the box in his other hand, as if she wouldn’t believe him otherwise. _

_“It was a false positive.” Her smile was weary. She couldn’t tell him that part of her – albeit, a small part – had been… excited. Sure, when she first realized that she was late, she panicked. But by the time she had gotten the test home, she had come around to the idea of a tiny Kakashi running around. Maybe he would even have her eyes. “Tsunade confirmed that I’m not.”_

_“Huh…” It was just a small sound of acknowledgment, his eyes still on the test in his hand. “That’s… good, I guess.” _

_Her eyebrows shot up. “You sound disappointed?” Her stomach nearly flipped at the idea. He wanted a baby? He wanted a baby with _her_?_

_“I guess I am a bit.” He blinked, as if surprised by his own answer. “That’s silly, I suppose. You’re only twenty-two. You have a lot of time for that sort of thing. And me… well, I’ve never been very good with kids.” He gave her a small smile that she could fully see thanks to the absence of his mask. “I believe I called you three idiots when we first met.”_

_She gave a short, relaxed laugh. “That you did.” Placing her hands on her hips, Sakura watched him with gentle eyes. “It’s okay if you do, you know. Want kids. I do to, some day.” She admitted, watching the way his own features softened. “I suppose it wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world if they had your crazy hair.”_

_Finally setting the test and box down, Kakashi gave her the crooked, dimpled smile she loved. “As long as it’s pink.” He countered, moving to where she stood. “But I think I’d like a few more years of having you to myself.” He admitted, lifting her by the waist to sit on the counter top. _

_“That, I can agree to.” She breathed a laugh as he buried his face in her neck. _

Ami (or Sakura, as they had been calling her) awoke to the sound of screaming. The screams weren’t that of fighting or torture, but rather the screams of aggravation.

“You can’t just decide that, jerk!” The blonde declared, his bright orange outfit even more offensive in direct sunlight.

“I’m not being a jerk just because you’re too idiotic to comprehend a logical idea.” The raven-haired man countered, his demeanor decidedly calmer. His arms were crossed over his chest – the only indication that he was even upset.

“Oh yeah!?”

“Yeah!” The raven-haired man’s jaw twitched before a deep sigh loosened his body. Grabbing the blonde’s chin, he brought their faces closer together. “I know you want to live close to the city, but the Uchiha compound has always been my home. I want us to make our lives there. Where my family started theirs.” The soft kiss was almost too tender to watch.

“An odd pair, don’t you think?” Ami jumped at the deep voice to her left. It was him again - the old pervert.

She tried to swing at him only to find her arms bound behind her back. “This is your way of proving that you didn’t kidnap me!?” She asked, her eyebrow twitching. It wasn’t as if he saw her. His nose was buried in a bright orange book. “By _kidnapping_ me?”

“Although I understand why we took the actions we did, I cannot argue with her logic.” The final member of the group – the one she had captured first – offered.

“We’re not kidnapping you.” The old pervert actually seemed bored. If he was supposed to be her husband, why did he seem so indifferent? She knew why, of course. Because he was lying. “We’re taking you home to try and recover your memories.” His dark eyes finally found her own. “By the way, did you know you talk in your sleep? You never used to. It’s a strange habit to develop late in life. What were you dreaming about just now?”

“I don’t know.” She admitted truthfully, huffing when he gave her a skeptical look. “I’m serious, I _don’t know_!”

“You said my name…” That seemed to quiet the others. They were all staring at her now.

“Jin said that the dreams were repressed memories from the time you kidnapped me. I can’t remember them when I wake up. I don’t even know why I’m telling you any of this!” She growled, but he didn’t seem to mind. Instead, his brows furrowed.

“A memory jutsu?” He asked the one that seemed to always be angry. “It could be that her memories are leaking through her subconscious. It would explain why she forgets them when she’s awake.”

“That sounds like the most likely excuse. Ino would be able to look inside her head, but memory jutsus are dangerous. One wrong move and we could leave her worse off than when we found her. I know you’re anxious to get her back, Kakashi, but this stuff…” Ami stiffened as his eyes turned a bright red, the centers swirling lazily. “Her chakra signature is still the same, but it’s like it’s being filtered. Sakura used to have more chakra than anyone I knew. Now, it’s like she’s a genin all over again.”

“First of all, keep your weird eyes off of my chakra, pretty boy.” She growled, angering further as the blond laughed whole-heartedly. “Secondly, my name is Ami! If you’re going to hold me hostage, you should at least know who you’re dealing with. I know you seem to think that I’m this Sakura person, but I’m not.”

“You mentioned a name,“ the older one (Kakashi?) began. “Jin. Who is Jin.”

Ami’s jaw tightened in defiance. She hadn’t meant to say her brother’s name. She wouldn’t give anymore away. Jin wasn’t the evil man these people were trying to make him out to be. If what they were saying was true and she had a past with these people, that would make Jin her kidnapper. But Jin had only ever been patient and sweet to her. He was the perfect big brother and she would not let these Leaf ninja turn her against him.

“Kakashi.” The angry one spoke again. “We still have another half day. We should sedate her again.” Before she could think to protest, she felt those strong fingers against her neck. The last thing Ami saw before her world went dark was the pained dark eyes of her captor.


	6. Chapter Five

Chapter Five

_The lights on the tree danced across the mess of wrapping paper that completely took over the newly-cleaned living room. Normally, it would annoy Sakura to sit around while a mess sat in front of her, but she couldn’t bring herself to care. Her back was pressed against Kakashi’s chest as he read lazily from the newest book she had gifted him with. It was the third in the Icha series, so she knew for a fact that he had read it at least a hundred times prior. This one, however, was a special edition. It took some sweet talking (threatening), but Sakura had managed to buy the limited edition copy with bonus illustrations from its original owner. Who knew other people besides Kakashi collected them? It seemed that the value only went up after Jiraiya’s death. _

_Pushing the sad thought from her mind, Sakura focused on the pack of ninken that lay sprawled out across every available surface. She had insisted on gifting them each with their own large bone and new chew toy. Kakashi said she was spoiling them, but she couldn’t resist. Yes, they were ninken, but they were dogs too. She didn’t know what their world was like, but it would be nice for them to get to act like dogs every once in a while. _

_Kakashi’s gift had been a pair of simple yet beautiful earrings. To some (Ino) they wouldn’t seem like much, but they meant the world to Sakura. Hardly anyone ever got her jewelry. It was always practical gifts. A new medpac for her missions. A set of kunai to replace the ones she never even used. The earrings were a gift for Sakura the woman, not Sakura the medic nin. And they were simple enough to not draw attention and raise questions. Their simplicity meant that she could also wear them on missions. It also meant that she didn’t have to force a smile at another cherry-blossom themed piece of costume jewelry. _

_“Do you like them?” Kakashi’s voice drew her from her thoughts. It seemed that she had been fiddling with one of the studs while she was thinking. _

_“I love them.” Sakura shifted between his legs so that she could see him. “They’re probably my favorite gift ever.” The crinkling of his eyes made her smile. _

_“They were my mother’s.” He must have noticed the way her breath caught. “Is that okay? I know it’s cheating to not buy the gift myself. I was in my family’s vault last month and I saw them. I remembered her wearing them in the pictures I had of her.” He gestured to the fireplace mantle where one of the frames held her image. “I just… thought they would suit you.”_

_She could tell her lack of response was making him nervous. “They’re wonderful. I love that you would give me something so precious. It means the world to me. Seriously Kakashi.” _

_When his eyes crinkled again, she reached up to pull down his mask. She wanted to see his full smile. His lips found hers halfway, moving at a slow, loving pace. _

_“Wow.” An unfamiliar voice made Sakura pull away. Kakashi didn’t seem to notice. In fact, he didn’t move at all. He was just… frozen. “_Now_ I get it.” _

_Sakura turned towards the voice, frowning at the blonde woman who stood by the coffee table. She looked familiar… _

_The edges of the room seemed to grow hazy. A darkness clouded her mind as everything spun. The blonde was talking again, but the words were lost…_

Ami shot up in bed. Rather, she _tried_ to. She was held down by clunky (and in her opinion, over the top) wrist straps. Even if she had somehow managed to sit up, she would have been smothered by the ample bosom of the woman that hung over her. Just beyond the woman’s (oddly) worried face, Ami could make out the images of her old pervy kidnapper (Kakashi was it?) and a blonde whose face gave her a sense of déjà vu.

“That was my fault.” The blonde gasped as Bosoms looked towards her. “I went too deep into her subconscious. I found a crack in the jutsu’s wall and thought I might be able to filter some of her memories through it. The second I reached beyond the wall it alerted her consciousness and we were both thrown out.” The woman shook her head, staring off into nothing before seeming to come back to them. Pasting a smile on her face, she turned towards Kakashi. “You know, if things don’t work out with Sakura…” His scowl was met with defensive hands and a light laugh. “Kidding, kidding. Geeze! No one can take a joke.”

“So it’s as we feared.” Bosoms returned her worried stare to Ami. “Sakura? Are you okay?” Her concern seemed to be quickly giving way to anger. “If you messed up her brain, Ino, we’re going to have a big problem. I didn’t invest all those years as her mentor for her to forget everything!”

“No, Lady Tsunade.” Ino bowed deeply. The name tickled something in Ami’s mind, but she couldn’t quite place it.

“I’m fine.” Ami meant to spit, but her voice came out as more of a croak. “Could you get those things out of my face? You’re one misstep away from smothering me.”

“There are worse ways to go.” A shinobi spoke as he poked his head into the room, cutting off what appeared to be a bubbling response from the older woman. He handed Tsunade a file, winking at Ami before quickly retreating. _Everyone here is insane._

A hospital. She was in a hospital. The beeping of the machines pushed at the headache that was slowly building being her eyes. “Why am I here?” She asked carefully, her lip curling in her suspicion. “Do you always interrogate your prisoners in hospital beds?”

“You’re not a prisoner.” Tsunade spoke curtly. As Ami opened her mouth, she finished quickly. “No, that doesn’t mean you can leave.” As the pink-haired kunoichi’s mouth snapped shut, the older woman smiled triumphantly. “Nice to know that even in this state, I can read you.”

“Look…” Ami pushed up, wincing as the heavy chains worked against her. “I don’t know if this is some kind of weird interrogation tactic, or if you all truly believe I’m this missing girl from your village, but you’ve got the wrong person. I’m not Sakura. I’m Ami-“ She stopped herself before she could give them her last name. The last thing she needed them finding out was that she was in the Mist’s bingo book. “I’ve done nothing against your village. Sure, I tried to kill a few of your shinobi,” her casual tone and shrug didn’t ease the furrowed brows of her audience, “but I didn’t _succeed_! You have no reason to keep me!”

There was a heavy silence. Kakashi was the only one that looked angry. The other two stared at her in wonder. “Amazing.” Tsunade finally spoke. This jutsu… I’ve never seen it before. Ino, is there anything in your family archives about this?”

“No, Lady Hokage.” Ami blinked as the blonde shook her head. Hokage? She warranted personal interrogation from the fucking _Hokage_? “In preparation to become a Jōnin I studied my family’s jutsu back several generations and there wasn-“ Her voice trailed off. “Actually… I think I remember something from my great, great grandfather’s notes. I think he was working on something to replace memories. It’s not exactly what we’re dealing with here, but it might give us some insight.”

“Good. I want you to bring me those scrolls as soon as possible.” Tsunade’s answer was a bow before Ino left so quickly, Ami almost didn’t see her move. Once she was gone, Tsunade shifted her focus to Kakashi. “The good news is that Ino was able to access her memories. Whoever did this put a lot of time and effort into making sure that she not only didn’t remember anything, but that any time she became lucid concerning her past, it would only reinforce the jutsu.”

“But if her subconscious has access to her memories, that means she could unlock them. _We_ could. With the right technique.” His words were sure, but there was a slight questioning in his tone.

“Ideally, yes. If we could access her subconscious more readily, we might be able to weaken the barrier of the jutsu. There’s a real possibility that whoever did this had to maintain the barrier. I can still sense his chakra – assuming it’s a he. He infused the mental wall with his own chakra to maintain it. It stands to argue that he would need to keep this at a certain level or risk the integrity of the wall itself. I’ll have to get in there and poke around to be sure.”

“Could it have a physical limitation as well? Sasuke said that her chakra was lower than it had been since their genin days. I’m inclined to believe him. The old Sakura would have busted through those chains the moment she woke up.”

Ami blinked down at the heavy chains that held her wrists to the bed. Was he serious? The links were at least an inch thick. What kind of monster strength would someone need to possess to break through them using only chakra!? “The mind is a funny thing. If you believe something hard enough, your body will be inclined to conform. If our nin convinced Sakura’s mind that she was physically weak, her muscles would have no choice but to obey.”

“It would explain why she’s so thin.” Kakashi nodded along. They were both staring at her now. “Sakura was never fat by any means, but she certainly had a certain level of… definition to her.”

“Nice wording there, Hatake.” Tsunade gave him a teasing smile. “If her subconscious is aware, we can do some exercises to make it easier to tap into. It might not be a quick process. It’ll depend on what Ino finds. We also have to worry about who ever did this to her. This is the result of three years’ worth of work. Not to mention, once she’s in her right mind, Sakura will be able to not only I.D. him, but take us to his last known location.”

“I’m right here, you know.” Ami growled at the pair, seeming to startle them out of their conversation. “Is everyone in this village delusional? I’ll say it again. I. Am. Ami.”

Oddly enough, Kakashi seemed to smile under his mask while Tsunade rose a questioning brow. Jin had always worked on her temper with her. It tended to scare most of their group. Typically, he would be able to talk her into a calm state and she would be good for a month or so before her next blow up. “Is that so?” Tsunade stood taller, her hands on her hips. “Where were you born Ami?”

“The Village Hidden in the Mist. My brother and I left before I could enter the academy. He taught me everything I know.” She wouldn’t give them too much information, but if this was what it took… Ami wouldn’t bother telling them that she had to get this information from Jin.

Kakashi and Tsunade exchanged a look. “What age did you lose your virginity?”

Ami could feel her face heat. She certainly hadn’t asked Jin about _that_, and all the men in their group knew better than to touch her. “I-“ She grit her teeth against the embarrassment that rose in her. “I’m a virgin.”

Kakashi’s snort earned him a glare. “Sorry, but… _no_.” His eyes crinkled in a smile. Something about it made Ami’s migraine surge.

“Let’s move on.” Tsunade offered, but the corner of her lips tugged into a smirk. “At what age did you get your first period?”

“Twelve.” She had no idea if that was true, but she was done playing their games.

“First date?”

“I don’t remember. I was young.”

“Favorite childhood memory?”

“Too many. I loved my childhood.”

“What were your parent’s names?”

“I never knew them.”

“What is the largest artery in the human body?”

“The aorta connected to the heart’s left ventricle. Ami’s eyes widened as a heavy silence filled the room. She had been angry… _so_ angry. She hadn’t thought before she answered. How? … _Why_ did she know that?

“The subconscious is a funny thing.” Tsunade said smugly, yet not unkindly. “When you don’t think about your answers, you’ll be surprised at what you find. You _are_ Sakura Haruno, the best medic nin in all the hidden villages – except for maybe me. You trained here as a child and then became my apprentice. You married Kakashi Hatake in secret, which I _will_ yell at you for when you remember who you are.” Ami’s breathing was shallow as she tried to starve off the panic. “Be honest with me _Ami_. Do you remember anything beyond three years ago?”

Licking her lips, Ami looked between their hopeful faces before turning her gaze downward. “No.”

Silence again before Tsunade sighed deeply. “I’m sending her home with you Kakashi.”

“Do you think that’s the best idea, Lady Hokage?” He rubbed the back of his neck. “You know I’ll do anything I can to take care of her, but I can’t watch her around the clock. As she is now, I wouldn’t put it past her to run.”

He was right, of course. “I’m going to use the tethering justsu to you and your place. She won’t be able to leave the house without you, and when she does, she’ll have to stay within three meters. A step more and she’ll collapse from the pain. Just to be safe, I’ll also station Anbu outside of your place and at the gates. Like I said, whoever did this will come for her. And soon.”

Ami’s brows furrowed. “A tethering jutsu?” She had never heard of a thing. And pain if it’s broken? “What kind of sadist came up with that?”

With small smiles, they replied at the same time. “You.”


	7. Chapter Six

Chapter Six

_Spring 2011_

_“This is cruel and unusual punishment.” Kakashi huffed into the blanket that was pulled up to cover his face. Sakura had faith in her jutsu, but she wasn’t taking any chances. Even though she had seen his face, she knew he wasn’t about to display it to the village. “Was I a bad sensei? Is this your way of getting back at me? Why, Sakura? Why have you forsaken me?”_

_“Don’t you think you’re being a bit dramatic?” She asked in a dull voice as she looked over his chart. “You did this to yourself Kakashi. You’re the one that likes to escape the hospital as soon as you can. And you’re the one that exhausted your chakra. You don’t have the sharingan anymore. You’ve got to relearn your limit. Although, I should thank you. You were my inspiration for creating this jutsu.”_

_“A tethering jutsu that causes pain seems like the _opposite_ of healing.” He pushed the little button on the bed so that he was sitting up. Sakura looked away as the sheet dropped from his face, displaying not only it, but his bare chest. _

_She had long since accepted that she was attracted to Kakashi. She wasn’t sure when it had started – the emotional side of it anyway. They physical side had always simmer below the surface, coming to a boil the night he showed her his face. Thanks to that stupidly beautiful face of his, and those stupidly defined abs, Sakura could hardly look at him without blushing. It made her job as a medic all the more difficult, because of course Kakashi wouldn’t behave for anyone else. _

_“It only hurts if you leave this room. Seeing as I’ve ordered three days of bed rest for you, that shouldn’t be a problem.”_

_Her smile was cheery, but he just pouted more. “You could have at least put me on bedrest at home. My beloved books will think I’ve abandoned them. They’re sensibility is awfully fragile these days.” _

_She had to bite the inside of her lip to stop from smiling. His pout was reaching child status now. “Don’t think you can use your good looks to get out of this one, Hatake.” She reached into her lab coat to retrieve the book she had borrowed from his place. He caught it with ease as tossed it to him with a smile. “I have rounds.”_

_Right before the door closed behind her, she heard his perplexed voice. “Wait, you think I’m good looking?”_

* * *

_Spring 2016_

Ami walked around the small bedroom, her eyes taking in what it had to offer (which wasn’t much). He had declared it a spare bedroom, but it seemed more like a catch all. Yes, there was a bed, but there were also several stacks of boxes, an overflowing bookshelf, a small T.V. that looked like it was several years old, and what appeared to be a box of chew toys. Either that, or Kakashi was _truly_ perverted. He had offered her the master, but it didn’t sit right with Ami to sleep in the man’s bed. It was bad enough that he thought she was his missing wife.

The place was simple enough in its decorating. Kakashi had explained that he and this Sakura (certainly not Ami) had been packing when she left. They were going to move into his family’s home, or something like that. It was odd to Ami that despite the fact that this woman had been missing for years, Kakashi’s life had not moved on from that day. She was torn between finding it terribly romantic and completely pathetic. If she ever went missing, she wouldn’t want her home to become a shrine to her memory.

She wondered where Jin was now. He would come for her – he was too protective not to. He was probably traveling her way now. It would take him a while to get through the extra security, but he would find a way in when he got there. Their family’s specialty was stealth, after all. She would lay low and allow these fools to pull her around. Maybe she would even go along with some of it if it meant they would lower their guards. These were high ranking ninja though. And she wasn’t exactly itching to try out the limits of the tethering jutsu. On the walk to his place, she had fallen too far behind and the pain was instantaneous. She walked beside him after that.

“Sakura!” Kakashi called from the main room. She bit back the urge to correct him. She supposed she’d have to get used to being called by the wrong name too. “Come out here, there’s something I want to show you.” Taking a moment to compose herself, Ami straightened her shoulders.

She found him in the main room, several boxes surrounding the plush couch he all but disappeared into. On the arm of the couch sat an old pug. Oddly enough, he wore a tiny headband. “Good to see you again, boss lady.”

Ami yelped before she could help it, eyes widening slightly. “Right…” She breathed, placing a hand on her chest. “So you weren’t lying about the talking dog then…”

Kakashi regarded her carefully, his eyes unreadable. He hadn’t taken off the mask once, and for some reason it got under Ami’s skin. “I’ve never lied to you, Sakura.” He said simply. “But he’s not what I wanted to show you.”

“Though my pretty mug was worth the trip, I’m sure.” The pug joked.

She carefully took a seat on the opposite end of the couch as Kakashi handed her a large leather book. Cautiously, Ami lifted the cover. _Oh…_ They were photos. The first few were of a pink-hair baby. Her (judging by the attire) chubby fist was lifted as she looked to someone out of the frame. Several more followed like it before the pictures switched to a pink-haired child. The girl smiled at the camera from the lap of an equally pink-haired man. The cake in front of the pair declared it her fifth birthday. She agreed that the child shared her features, but Ami was _sure_ she’d remember a childhood like this. A few more pages in, the theme switched again. The pink-haired girl was now a pink-haired genin, if the handwriting at the bottom was to be believed. The men from earlier, though they were just boys in the picture, stood on either side of her. Behind her stood a smiling Kakashi, his hand on either of their heads.

“Wait a minute.” Ami looked to him. He seemed to wince, but didn’t meet her eyes. “This Sakura that you married… she was your _student_!?” A chill of unease rose up her spine. “You really _are_ a dirty old pervert!”

“It’s not like that.” His hands moved quickly in front of him to accent his denial. “It was never romantic between us while you were under my care. We didn’t even start to really become friends until you were in your twenties!” The defense was weak.

“Still…” Ami’s nose scrunched. “You raised your wife…”

“When you say it like that…” Pakkun cut in with a side glance to his boss. Kakashi let his head drop into his hands mumbling something along the lines of _‘not like that’._

Because the topic made her queasy, she turned back to the album. The pictures took on a different feel after that page. While the pictures before seemed to be taken by other people, the ones that followed appeared to be taken by Sakura herself. Most didn’t even contain her. There were pictures of young ninja, most of which were smiling. They were taken at restaurants, and out in what appeared to be training areas. There were a few of Kakashi, one of which appeared to be him without his mask, but there was a thumb in the way. As the album went on, Ami’s stomach grew heavy. With each passing photo, this Sakura girl grew to look more and more like her. The pictures seemed to stop at fifteen before cutting to her as an adult.

There was a page with a single photo that made Ami pause. It was Sakura standing outside the hospital with Tsunade. The hand that wasn’t wrapped around the woman was buried in the deep pocket of a crisp lab coat declaring her the Chief of Medicine. All of that was normal enough and seemed to fit what they had been saying. What made Ami freeze was the bright, smiling face staring up at her. It was her face. Granted, it was happier and a bit younger, but it was definitely _her_ face. It had to be a coincidence, or a trick. Maybe the photos were faked. If they had a jutsu for tethering, it wouldn’t be hard to come up with one like that. Even someone without any ninja skills could alter a photo if they tried hard enough.

Licking her lips, Ami closed the album. There were still several thick pages, but she couldn’t bring herself to look at them. “I’ll give you that we _do_ look alike.” She breathed, slowly turning to meet Kakashi’s deep eyes. “I can see why you think I’m her.”

“You _are_ _her_, Sakura. Don’t you see? You’ve always been the logical one.” He sighed and ran a hand through his wild hair “Your memories only go back two years right? That’s when you went missing. What would we stand to gain from lying to you about this? You’re a missionary. You couldn’t possibly contain knowledge worth all this trouble to a large village. We’re not trying to trick you, and we’re not lying to you. Can’t you concede that there is even a _possibility _that you _are_ Sakura?”

“No!” She screamed in frustration as she jumped to her feet. “I’m _not_ her! You don’t seem to get it, so let me break it down for you. I don’t _know_ you people. I don’t have these memories or experiences. None of that is _real_ to me. What’s real is the life I’ve lived over the last two and a half years since my memory lapsed. The friendships, the connections, the choices I’ve made are _real. _Even if by some _slim_ chance that I am who you say, what are you expecting to gain? I don’t know the smiling doctor in those photos! I’m not in love with you! Even if I _was_ her, I’m not anymore. Time changes people. You’re holding on to a person that no longer exists. I feel sorry for you, I _do_, but you can’t keep me here because you’re in love with a ghost!”

She was panting by the time she was done, but it had to be said. His eyes had grown cold, his jaw working under the thick fabric of his mask. “I guess you’re right.” He spoke in a low, even tone as he stood. Despite her bravado, Ami flinched away from him. That only seemed to break him further. “The Sakura I love would never have said something like that.”

Even though she stood by what she had said, Ami couldn’t help the twinge of guilt in her stomach as she watched him retreat down the hall and into his bedroom. She couldn’t help but feel that it would have been preferable if he had slammed the door. Anger, she knew how to handle. Whatever he was feeling… it was so much worse.

“That was a little harsh, boss lady.” The pug spoke in a low voice. She had almost forgotten he was there. “He waited nearly three years to get you back. He gave up the position of _Hokage_ to get you back. It killed him to not have you here, and now that you are… At least then, he had hope.” The pug disappeared in a puff of smoke, leaving Ami alone with the silence she had caused.

It shouldn’t have bothered her that she had upset her captor. She wasn’t who he was looking for. She wasn’t that _good_. He would thank her in time.

* * *

_Sakura nearly huffed in delight as Kakashi carried her easily down the dark streets of Konoha. If anyone asked, he could simply blame their position on her intoxication. Sakura typically didn’t allow herself to get drunk. Not because she didn’t want to be, but because it felt like an insult to Tsunade who had worked very hard to teach her how to hold her liquor. Sometimes, Sakura wondered if they had put more hours into that than her medical training. _

_She buried her cold nose against the fabric of Kakashi’s mask as another chilling wind pressed against them. Konoha was in for a brutal winter, but this year she had Kakashi. She had never had someone to snuggle up with against the cold before. It was just a bonus that he smelled like the forest in spring. _

_“We’re almost to your place.” He chuckled as she finally gave in to urge to sigh. “Try to stay awake. The sober, medic you will kill me if I don’t at least try to pour a glass of water down your throat.”_

_“Nuh-uh!” She protested childishly. “The sober me loves you too.” She felt his chuckle as much as she heard it. _

_“Oh? I suppose I’m a lucky man to have two beautiful versions of a woman love him.” Later, she would realize that this was a tactic to keep her awake. “Or is drunk Sakura less of a fan?”_

_“She especially loves you.” She purred into his neck. “When we get back to my place, I can prove it to you.” The arms that had been hanging over his shoulders decided then to roam over his chest. _

_She wouldn’t have heard the small groan if she wasn’t pressed right up against him. “That’s not a great idea, Sakura. We’re trying to be discrete, remember? Besides, I’m afraid I’m entirely committed to sober you. Sleeping with drunk you would be a violation of that commitment.”_

_She lifted her face to be assaulted by the chill as she tried to work out what he had just said. Her eyes were still narrowed in concentration as he carried her into her warm apartment. When her back hit her soft mattress, she gave up. A giggle escaped her as he reached for her side, carefully sliding down the thin zipper that held her dress closed. _

_“Oh? Change your mind?” She attempted to sound alluring, but the heaviness of sleep was already pulling at her. _

_“Nope. I’m a one-woman man. I’m very flattered though. I won’t even tell sober Sakura about your promiscuous advances.” Even with the mask up, she could tell he was smiling. _

_By the time she was in only her underwear, the cold had pulled Sakura from her lovely, sleepy cocoon. Before she could form the words of complaint, Kakashi was pulling his warm Jōnin shirt over her head, helping her work her arms through the sleeves. He tucked her in before stripping down to his underwear and sliding in beside her. _

_Sakura hummed in content as he pulled her into his arms. “Don’t let me throw up, k?”_

_“I’ll do my very best.” His warm chest vibrated under her cheek. “Goodnight, drunk Sakura. I love you.”_

_“Mmm, love you.”_


	8. Chapter Seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was editing the smut scene yesterday, and it's gonna fuck a lot of you up XD keep an eye out for warnings at the top!!
> 
> Someone asked how Sakura got into the Mist's bingo book. There will actually be a bonus scene after the epilogue that touches on that. In Sakura's words: “Let’s just say that it involved a cow, a substitution jutsu, and a Feudal Lord with no sense of humor.”

Chapter Seven

_Summer 2011_

_It was well known that Kakashi had a ‘dark day’. No one spoke of it, and certainly no one was brave enough to ask him about it. If he were being honest with himself, he would admit that it was pointless. He spent so much time at the memorial stone as it was. Still, this day… the day his sensei died. For most of the village, it was a day to remember the Forth and celebrate the survival of the village. For Kakashi, it was the day that the last of his old team left him alone. It might have been selfish to see it that way, but he couldn’t help it. It had been sad to lose his mother. Numbing to lose his father. Heartbreaking to lose Obito. Devastating to lose Rin. Losing Minato… it was like losing the last shred of his own humanity._

_“Oh…” A small voice pulled him out of his spiraling thoughts. Blinking, Kakashi struggled to raise his head. She was a splash of brightness on an otherwise dreary day. Even her rain boots were a chipper yellow. “I’m sorry… I didn’t know.” Sakura bit her lip as if she were debating leaving._

_“It’s okay, Sakura…” His voice was heavy. It was hard to believe that just days ago they had sat in the sunlight reading together not far from here. “The memorial stone belongs to everyone. You have just as much of a right to be here as I do.”_

_They hadn’t visited the stone together in some time. When she wasn’t working and he wasn’t out on missions, they tended to spend their free time relaxing. That didn’t pair very well with mourning. Despite his words, she still hesitated before slowly sinking to her knees beside him, shielding his head from the light rain with her umbrella._

_He looked from her worried face to the arm full of flowers she held. Typically, Sakura brought a bouquet for each of her parents, but there must of have been five or six pressed to her chest. “I didn’t think you had that many people to visit.” He frowned at the thought. She was too young to know that many dead._

_“Oh!” She shook from her thoughts and gave him a weary smile. “I picked up one for each of my parents. After that, I thought Neji could use one too. I know the Hyuga’s have a memorial for him in their complex, but it doesn’t feel right visiting him there.” As she spoke in a low voice, she arranged the flowers around the stone. “Then I grabbed one for Obito and Rin. And of course I couldn’t leave out Minito. It _is _the anniv-“ Her words stopped cold when she looked back to him. “I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to make you cry!”_

_The warmth that spread through his chest had been instantaneous. Sakura was here to honor _his _comrades. She had never met them and only knew what Kakashi could tell her through the tightness in his throat… but she came to honor them because they were important to _him_. If he wasn’t already hopelessly in love with her, that would have sealed it for him. Her declaration nearly startled him. Kakashi hadn’t cried in… years. Not since Rin. Tentatively, he raised a hand to the skin of his cheek above the mask. It wasn’t that he didn’t believe her, it was just that… he was _crying_._

_“I didn’t mean to!” She repeated when he didn’t respond. “I just thought that it would be nice, with blue lilacs meaning happiness and tranquility and all. I was hoping that it would mean something, you know? I figured your dark day had something to do with the anniversary of Minito’s – Not that I came looking for you! I wanted the lilacs to bring them happiness and tranquility, but I also wanted that for you. I overstepped. I’m so sorry.” She shook her head, her words coming faster and faster. “I honestly didn’t mean to interrupt, I’ll just-“_

_Before she could rise to leave, Kakashi twisted his upper body towards Sakura, pulling her into a tight hug. She didn’t seem to think twice about returning it. “Thank you, Sakura.” He spoke into the junction of her neck and shoulder. “This means… so much to me.” Now that Kakashi was aware of the tears, he was powerless to stop them. “Thank you.”_

_To Sakura’s credit, she allowed him to hold her for nearly an hour, her hand moving in soothing circles along his back. When he finally talked himself into releasing her, she pulled him by the hand towards her apartment with the promise of returning after a hot meal and dry clothes._

_The following year, they visited the memorial stone together._

* * *

_Summer 2016_

He didn’t necessarily want to bring Sakura with him today. Not _this_ Sakura. They were polite enough since her outburst, but Kakashi was careful. If she didn’t _want_ to remember, there was a chance she wouldn’t. Tsunade worked with her once a week, but the wall in her mind seemed to hold. It was a worrisome thought. The person that did this wasn’t in the village, which meant that the wall could be a permanent fixture. Ino hadn’t been able to find anything of use in her family’s notes, but handed them over to Tsunade in hopes that she could get some use out of them.

Once or twice since Sakura was brought home nearly a month ago, Ino had tried to peer into her mind. Each time it was the same. She would catch a glimpse of a memory before Sakura’s mind slammed shut like prison cell. Maybe it was. The woman herself wasn’t helping matters. Sakura had always been stubborn, but _Ami_ was downright disagreeable. There were times when she would stop and look at something like she was remembering the item or the significance it held. It would pass quickly, and she would deny it ever happening at all. That is, when she wasn't hiding away in the spare room.

Once word got out that Sakura was back, people started showing up at all hours. It was always the same questions. What did she remember? Was there any way they could help? Did she ‘_remember_ _the time when_ –‘ Sakura stopped indulging them after the second day. Tsunade put out a ban on unannounced visits after that.

It almost hurt to look at her these days. She _looked_ like Sakura. She had Sakura’s clothes (that she had protested against wholeheartedly), and Sakura's general mannerisms... but she had changed in so many ways. She preferred spice over sweet now. She didn’t jump at the chance to help him when he had accidentally cut his finger on a broken glass. When Pakkun sat next to her on the couch, she edged away. As much as he hated to admit it, she was right. He was in love with a ghost.

“Who are you mourning?” She asked in a careful voice, eyeing the stone from over his shoulder.

Blinking, he looked to the one name etched in the large stone that he had avoided for years. With a quiet apology to his teammates, Kakashi stood and brushed off his pants.

“You.”

* * *

The tethering jutsu must have been the real deal. It was the only explanation as to why Kakashi would leave her at home alone. Then again, maybe he _wanted_ her to run away. She had wanted to quell the man’s hope and knock some sense into him, but… it was kind of sad to. She had truly _broken_ him. With a few shouted words, she had taken away years of quiet patience and hope.

Naruto had told her once (during one of his rare yet _loud_ visits), that Kakashi never mourned her. He had meant it as reassurance at the time - if his smile was anything to go by. He wanted Ami to know that Kakashi had never stopped loving her. Or Sakura rather. The lines were starting to get fuzzy and that worried her. The other day Ami had awoken with the memory of his laugh. She never remembered anything, not that clearly. She didn’t know who to trust anymore. What if what they were saying was true? That would mean she had gone the last three years believing Jin was her brother when he was really her captor? But what if they were just doing this to confuse her? They had already shown their proficiency for messing with the human mind and memories.

_“Who are you mourning?”_

_“You.”_

Sometimes, when she caught a whiff of Kakashi’s aftershave, she had a sense of nostalgia. Maybe that was what drove her to pad across the apartment and slowly push open the door to his room. When she was sure it wasn’t rigged to explode, Ami took a tentative step inside. It smelled like him – like she _knew_ it would. Unlike the rest of the apartment, there were no boxes here. The room looked nothing at all like what she would have imagined. She had pictured a scarcely decorated room with novelty sheets and used clothes thrown about. This however, was very much the room of a couple. One nightstand held a pair red glasses folded neatly in front of a copy of the picture she had seen in the album – the one of team seven. Smaller pictures joined it. One was of Sai, but she didn’t recognize the others. The other nightstand held a couple of small, colorful books and a picture of a laughing Sakura.

“You’re really a fool for this woman, aren’t you?” She asked the empty room as she spotted several other photos strewn about. The windowsill held a few along with a tiny potted plant dubbed _Mr. Ukki. _The first photo was of another team. Judging by the hair and mask, Ami would guess it was Kakashi’s genin team. None of the other members looked familiar, save for the teacher who bore a striking resemblance to Naruto. The next was yet _another_ copy of team seven’s photo. With a scoff of a laugh (that really _ought_ to have sounded harsher than it did), Ami picked it up. “This is beginning to border on obsessive.”

When she caught herself smiling, Ami shook her head and replaced the photo. The last one was a picture of Kakashi and Sakura. It was obvious from the angle that Sakura had taken it herself. The village hung framed in the background, but the majority of the photo was taken up by Sakura’s bright smile. Over her shoulder, with an arm wrapped around her chest to hold her in place, Kakashi smiled. Although he didn’t wear his mask, the glare of the sun cut at just the right angle to hide his lower face. He looked so… relaxed. It was odd to see. Suddenly, Ami felt like the picture was too heavy to hold. Placing it carefully in its place, she turned her back on the photos.

Moving quickly to what would have been Sakura’s side of the room, Ami shook her head. There was no reason to feel bad about anything. She hadn’t been the one to take away his happiness. _Just his hope – _a small, traitorous voice whispered in the back of her mind. She started with the closet, but found the garments underwhelming and colorful. If she _was_ Sakura, at least her taste in fashion had improved. _Kami,_ she really was losing it. She wondered briefly if Sakura herself had wrapped the clothes in plastic, or if that was something Kakashi had done to preserve them. When she reached the white doctor’s coat from the photos, Ami couldn’t help herself. Carefully removing the plastic, she slipped the jacket off of the hanger. It smelled of stale perfume even though it hadn't been worn in years. There was something comforting in the scent, though she couldn’t place what. Feeling a bit silly, (though not silly enough to stop) she slipped the jacket over her shoulders, pulling her loose pink waves from under the collar.

The full-length mirror only served to reflect her surprise when she saw the entire picture. She really _did_ look like Sakura. More than just in coloration. She looked enough like the medic to be her sister. Her twin, even… _her_. Ami shook her head, quickly peeling off the coat before replacing it. No. That was dangerous. Deciding to take her chances with the bottom half of the closet, Ami sank to sit cross-legged. There were more shoe boxes than one woman could ever need, and Ami found herself instantly jealous. She would never admit it out loud, but it wasn’t the first time. This Sakura - she had a great life. She was strong, respected, loved, surrounded by people that cared for her... No matter who Sakura was, Ami was positive she didn’t abandon this life of her own volition.

The first four boxes did indeed contain shoes, but the following two held more photos. _These people are obsessed with memories._ They were followed by another pair of shoes and then a box that made Ami yelp and blush. It seemed that Kakashi had an equally pervy wife. Fighting the urge to explore those contents further, Ami shoved everything back into the closet the way she found it. She rose with a sigh, her lips forming a pout. She had hoped to find something more… interesting? It wasn’t like she expected to find that that real Sakura was secretly hiding under the bed this whole time or something, but anything other than photos and pervy contraband. She was halfway to the door when an ornate jewelry chest caught her eye. Debating with herself for a moment, Ami gave in and lifted the lid. If they thought she was Sakura, they should have no problem with her snooping.

The jewelry proved to be just as boring as the rest of Sakura’s belongings. There were at least three flower-themed pieces that Ami _hoped_ were gifted to the woman. It’s one thing to be named after a flower, it was completely bonkers to run with it as a life theme. The pieces that weren’t floral in nature were simple. Ami assumed they held more sentimental value than monetary. Opening the bottom drawer of the chest, a slow smile pulled at Ami’s lips. Small square boxes always held the best jewelry. The first was an empty earring box. It was hard to be too disappointed by that. She always wore the same pair and didn't really have a want to buy another. They were simple diamond studs that Jin informed her he had gifted her with for her sixteenth birthday. Frowning, Ami stared at the empty box as her fingers moved over one stud. It was a coincidence, and _not_ a very large one. She repeated that to herself three times before turning her attention to the other box.

This one… this one was far from empty. A beautiful antique ring sat in the plush velvet, patiently awaiting its owner. There was something about it that made a lump rise in Ami’s throat. It was silly, really. Beautiful as it was, there was nothing particularly special about it. The stone wasn’t large or expertly cut. The metal showed years of wear and repair, so it certainly wasn't new… and yet…

_“I want everything. I want the clan home with the stupid little flower bed. I want you to have my last name. I want a dozen little mask-wearing, pink-haired ninja babies. Everything…”_

Kakashi’s voice seemed so detached thanks to the pounding in her head. It took a moment for Ami to realize it was because it _was_ detached. It was a memory… or a dream… She stared down at the tiny ring like it held every answer she wanted. Maybe the answer _was_ here. Maybe she had been too quick to dismiss what these people were saying. Carefully closing the box, Ami turned to look at the shadowed room again. The sun was setting now, so she couldn’t pick up as much detail as she had when she first walked in. Would Kakashi let her look around if she asked? Would asking give him too much hope? The shaking in her legs wasn’t noticeable until she sank onto the edge of the bed.

_The sunlight seemed muted, which wasn’t that strange for late fall, but she still found herself missing the warmth that summer had to offer. It wasn’t too terribly bad, thanks to the silver-haired shinobi that clung to her like a lifeline in his sleep._

“Sakura?” Her eyes shot open at the sound of his voice cutting through the throbbing fog. When had she closed them? By the time she focused her gaze, he was crouching in front of her. Despite the cold shoulder and dismissive words, he still cared. It was right there in his eyes. “Sakura… why are you crying?”

Was she? A sniffle confirmed that yes, she was. “I don’t know…” She admitted in a whisper. She searched his masked face for the answers he couldn’t really provide.

He didn’t reach for her, for which she was thankful. Nor did he probe her with more questions. He simply watched her for another long second before standing. “Okay.” He sighed. “I’m going to start dinner. You take as long as you need.” And then he was gone along with the throbbing in her head.

He had cooked dinner for them every night since bringing her into his home even though she refused to eat with him. At first, she thought it was because he didn’t trust her not to poison him. _Admittedly, that was fair_. But now, as she watched him cook for the first time, she could tell it was something that he honestly enjoyed. She wouldn’t tell him about the memories (or dreams). It would give him too much hope. For all Ami knew, her brain was just filling in the gaps based on what she was told. Until she could be sure that they were coming from her own mind, there was no sense in getting everybody worked up.

“Did she cook with you?” She asked tentatively. Since her blow up, Ami had been careful. She didn’t want to overstep, but she just had to _know_. If there was a chance she was Sakura, even if it was slim, she owed it to everyone to find out.

He didn’t turn towards her, but his back tensed. “When we could cook together, we did. Neither of us was very good. It started as a way to distract ourselves from the aftermath of the war. You-“ he seemed to catch himself, bristling quickly before covering it. “Sakura would watch entire seasons of cooking shows with her patients. She claimed it was to keep them company, but it was really for her. We’d end up trying crazy new meals every week. Once, when I got back from a mission you had a pot of something chunky and green. It smelled like rotting meat. _You_ wouldn’t even eat, but you stayed angry at me for a week when I refused to try it.” Ami was smiling by the end of his story, but it fell when he cleared his throat. “Sakura, I mean.”

“Was she…” Ami trailed off, her voice growing small. Maybe she didn’t have to tell him everything, but if she wanted more information, she would have to meet him halfway. “Was _I…_ a good person?”

That seemed to grab his attention. He paused his plating of the food to turn and regard her with skeptical eyes. At first she was afraid he wasn’t going to answer; that he thought she was just trying to mess with him. “The best.” He conceded. “We - the boys and me - weren’t always kind enough or attentive enough when it came to you.” He looked ashamed before he turned back to the food. “Most genin would disappear under Naruto and Sasuke’s shadows, but you thrived. When you didn’t get the training you deserved, you sought it out. And you didn't find just any sensei. It had to be a sannin. Only you could strongarm Tsunade into letting you apprentice under her. I'm still not sure how you managed that one.” Moving to the table, he sat one of the plates he carried in front of her.

“I was a good person because I bullied the Hokage?” She raised a brow that only seemed to feed his amusement.

“No, you’re _Sakura_ because of that.” He leaned onto the table, dark eyes searching. “You’re a good person because you took that abandonment, that anger, that _insane_ right hook of yours, and you turned it into something good. You have to be just as strong as Tsunade at this point, but you chose to be a healer. You never let your strength or power define who you were to this village. To us. When you told Tsunade that you wanted to step down as Chief of Medicine to take up a career as an Anbu member, she thought you'd gone crazy. And then you explained that it was because there was a shortage of medics in the field. You knew this because you were treating twice as many Anbu at the hospital. It would have been easy for you to stay where you were. You could have been a big enough hero patching up our boys at home, but that wasn’t enough for you. You wanted to stop them from getting that bad in the first place.”

Ami blinked, her chest tight. “Kakashi… I…” Her shoulders slumped with the weight of it all. How could she possibly live up to _that_? “I don’t know if I’m Sakura, or Ami, or... If I am… I’m not that…” She shook her head as he patiently waited for her to find the words. “I’ve _hurt_ people. I don’t even know who they were. I got a contract and I took it. I was given an order, and I followed it. I did what I was told. It didn’t matter if they were good or bad or-“

“It’s okay.”

She shook her head. “No, you don’t understand! I _liked_ it. I liked hurting those people. I liked knowing that it was something I was _good_ at.”

She expected him to recoil, but he simply gave her a small shrug. “It’s easy to like it when it’s all you know. Trust me.” There was something so _haunted_ in his eyes. “I know you, even if _you_ don’t know you right now. You’re going to more than make up for it with self-hatred when you get your memories back.”

She wanted to argue, but he chose then to tug his mask down to his chin. Ami could _feel_ the way her blush spread from her hairline and continued all the way down to her toes. Eating something from his plate, Kakashi watched her with a crooked smirk, his cheek dimpling as it widened.

“What are you smiling at?” She huffed, forcing her focus to her own plate.

“Just funny how some things _don’t_ change.”


	9. Chapter Eight

Chapter Eight

_She was going to kill him. If he wasn’t already dead, she would kill him herself. And if he was, she would use all of her chakra to bring him back to life, and then kill him again. It was almost comical that he had been taken prisoner. After all those months of training, after lecture after lecture about how dangerous Anbu was, he goes and gets captured. She hadn’t even known the solo mission Tsunade had sent him on was an Anbu mission. He had retired so many years prior that she hadn’t expected it, and it wasn't like he could tell her the details. Then, two days after he was supposed to return, Sakura’s team gets called in and briefed on a search and rescue. To her credit, she made it all the way home before hyperventilating. _

_“You with me there, sweetheart?” Genma pushed up his porcelain monkey mask so she could see just how high his eyebrow had risen. She knew that as her team leader, she should have informed him of her emotional stake in this mission, but she was worried it would lead to her being benched. _

_“I know he’s very dear to you, Sakura.” Sai offered from a limb above the one she and Genma crouched on, his mask as emotionless as the face behind it. On missions, when Sai reverted to his old self, it was easy to see how far he had actually come. “I’m very fond of him as well, but we have to go into this with level heads.”_

_“I’m fine.” Sakura spoke as clearly as she could, thankful to the mask that hid the tears in her eyes. Since her first Anbu mission, Sakura had gained a new respect for Kakashi’s mask. “I’m just focused.” _

_“Good girl.” Genma smiled before sliding his mask back into place. To most, it would have sounded patronizing, especially given Genma’s reputation with women. To Sakura, however, it was like a comforting hug from an old friend. She had always wanted a big family, and her boys were as close as she got. “Formation three. Leave no witnesses and retreat as soon as we have Target H secured. Any medical attention will be preformed outside of enemy lines unless moving the subject would lead to a fatality. Upon retreat, listen for further instructions. If I fall before that time, I expect you to work as a team and complete the mission.” _

_“Yes sir!” They replied in unison, but all three knew that they would never leave him. After all, those that abandon their comrades were worse than scum._

_Sakura tried to remain present as she cut down the nameless thugs one at a time. If these nobodies were strong enough to take Kakashi down, she couldn’t afford to give them an inch. It didn’t help that she had to pull her punches. As easy as it would have been to take out the entire hallway, that kind of racket wouldn’t go unnoticed. _

_“Target H is not on ground level.” It was times like these that Sakura was thankful for Sai’s level tone. He kept her anchored. _

_“Basement is two levels deep. I’ve managed to work my way to the second, but I can’t confirm that Target H isn’t above me. The place is laid out like a maze.”_

_“I’m coming to you.” Even Genma managed to keep himself stern. She really had lucked out when it came to teammates. She always had._

_The amount of guards seemed to double as Sakura turned down another hallway. That was always a good sign in a search and rescue. _

_Throwing the last of the limp bodies on the pile she had created, Sakura turned to the heavy door they had been protecting. With a quick mental chant of ‘fuck it’, Sakura channeled her chakra into her foot, kicking the metal door inward. It clattered to the ground with a loud bang, the metal twisting in on itself where it had been impacted. But it didn’t matter, because he was _there,_ and he was _alive_. _

_“What was that?” Genma’s voice filled her ear as she crouched in front of Kakashi. “Rabbit, respond. What was that?” The worry in his voice was accented by the sounds of fighting in the background. _

_“Target H acquired but not secured. Subject shows signs of blood loss an-d torture.” She cleared the lump from her throat before continuing. “Medical care is required before removal.” Her mask clattered to the floor as her hands worked over his bloody body. They had left his mask and pants, but the rest of him was badly cut and burned. “Requesting cover.” _

_“En route.” Sai’s spoke in soothing contrast to her racing pulse. “How much time will you need?”_

_Pulling back his lids, Sakura’s bottom lip trembled. “Suspected poisoning.” She breathed, finding the entry point. A large, infected slit split him open at the ribs. Whatever poison they injected him with at the site was killing off the skin around it. They had chosen the area for the thinness of the skin in the first place. The wound was intended to kill. “Twenty minutes.”_

_“That long!?” Genma wheezed into the mic. He would probably need healing too. _

_“It should be longer. Twenty minutes is just to remove him. I’ll need at least an hour before we move him any further than out of enemy territory. He won’t make it to the village in this state.” Even though his mic wasn’t activated, she knew Genma was cursing. _

_“Do it. I want Target H mobile in no more than twenty minutes. I’ll lead the enemies southward while you take the subject north.”_

_“No can do, captain.” Sakura’s glowing hands faltered in their work. _

_“With all due respect, that'a not an option.” Sai agreed. _

_“Damn kids.” His hiss held a note of affection. “Nothing but insubordination.” _

_“They don’t seem particularly strong. I would be hard pressed to even classify them as shinobi. They take their enemies down using poison. We could deter them with clones while I use a few of my animals to herd them in the right direction.”_

_“Do it.” Genma’s voice was strained. “And gather as much of that poison as you can...” Sakura tried to focus on their voices. “Rabbit's gonna need to make more than one antidote.” _

_“Shit.” She cursed with a dry laugh and shake of her head. “You just can’t stand when another man has all my attention, can you?” She couldn’t help but tease. It was how they coped in the field. Kakashi’s heart rate was picking up, and Genma’s was probably slowing down. _

_“Any excuse to get those talented hands on me, sweetheart.” _

_“I still don’t understand what you mean when you say-“_

_“I’ll explain it later.” Sakura cut off Sai’s bewilderment. Even though the poison was being filtered out, the cut at Kakashi’s side wasn’t healing. He had already lost so much blood… “I’m gonna need an extra set of hands.” _

_Despite her years of experience, Sakura’s hands shook. “Should I be worried that you’re flirting with Genma?” Kakashi’s strained voice caused her head to jerk up, the tears she had been fighting finally winning out. _

_“You’re the one that’s half dead! If anyone gets to be upset, it’s me! What did I say about you about dying on me, Hatake?” Her voice cracked as she untied his wrists. She had to support his weight, but his arms wrapped weakly around her nonetheless. _

_“Ah. I suppose that _is_ my fault.” His breath was coming in gasps now. "If I'm going to die, you should know that could do a lot better than Genma. You don't know where he's been." _

_“I have to get you healed up so we can move you. We're still in enemy territory.” She ignored his attempt at being funny, turning attention to the wound at his side that just _would not_ heal. She hated when he joked about dying. “You’re going to be okay. I’m going to fix you and then break you for scaring me." She wasn’t sure if she was trying to convince him or herself. _

_“Sakura…” Her name was just a whisper, all joking gone from his tone. His dark, hazy eyes were so soft. “I love you so much, Sakura...”_

_“Don’t do that!” She bit out, resisting the urge to scream. Alerting the enemy to her location would just hinder them further. “Don’t say goodbye to me! I refuse it! Do you hear me, Kakashi!? I’m rejecting your goodbye!”_

_“Sakura…”_

“Sakura!” She was already in his arms by the time she was fully conscious, her cheeks stained with tears. “It’s okay.” He promised, his grip tightening. “It was only a dream.”

“No!” She shook her head frantically, pushing the blanket of pink away from her eyes as she scanned his bare torso. “I tried - it wouldn’t!” Her words came in broken gasps as she reached for him without caring if it was inappropriate. “It wouldn’t heal. I tried and it just _wouldn’t_! And you! You said goodbye and I was trying so hard!” Her fingers found their target, moving along the edge of a raised scar over his ribs.

“I…” Her racing heart was slowing now. It was a dream... and she _remembered _it. He didn’t stop her as she moved her fingers over the raised tissue again. In fact, he didn’t even seem to breathe. “I remembered a dream…”

Blinking, she looked to is face only to find him already watching her with an odd mixture of emotions. “No, Sakura. You _remembered_.”

* * *

If the Hokage was annoyed with them barging into her office first thing in the morning she didn’t show it. Well, that was a lie. She scowled at Kakashi, but smiled in Sakura’s direction. If Kakashi was to be believed, Ami… or maybe it _was_ Sakura, had remembered an actual event. She didn’t speak as Kakashi explained everything to Tsunade. The woman smiled openly, going as far as to slam her first down on her desk and rattling the entire room in the process.

“This is good!” She declared as she stood. “I’ve been working on a new theories, and this helps narrow some things down.”

She didn’t ask as she grabbed Sakura’s (apparently, the name was sticking) arms and began checking her vitals. “New theories? Other than remembering bits and pieces from my dreams, nothing has really changed.”

“Dream_s_?” Kakashi raised a single brow as he crossed his arms over his chest. “So this isn’t the first time?”

Sakura grinned sheepishly, as Tsunade continued to fuss over her. “Well, I wasn’t exactly sure, and this was the first time I remembered the whole thing. If it helps, I’m on the ‘probably Sakura’ side of the fence now.”

“So great of you to catch up.” His teasing words didn’t come close to conveying the happiness in his eyes. It made something in Sakura’s stomach flutter, something so familiar and foreign at the same time.

“If you two are done flirting, I’d like to discuss the matter at hand.” Tsunade’s smile was still in place as she finally released the younger women. “I’ve been monitoring the mental wall in Sakura’s brain for over a month now, and I’ve noticed that the strength seems to fluctuate. I weakens, but it also seems to rise.” Rummaging through the papers covering her desk, she pulled out a small graph. “While there has certainly been a decrease in strength, it’s minimal. Since it fluctuates, it took me a while to notice any decrease at all. At first, I thought this suggested that someone was reinforcing it. I was worried that whoever put the jutsu there in the first place left a back door for themselves. Especially when I was able to slip behind it.”

Sakura stiffened at the idea. “Someone is walking into my head whenever they want?”

“Luckily, no. I was able to eliminate that theory by testing the limits of your mind myself. Don’t pout, you'll wrinkle. It was necessary!” Sakura’s discomfort must have been more evident than she had meant it to be. “With Ino guiding me inside, I was able to use my chakra to feel out the boundaries of the jutsu. To do that, I had to enter through that weak spot she found on your first day back. I didn’t want to simply break the jutsu because I worried that whoever put it in place might have anticipated that possibility and set it to self-destruct. The bad news is that I was a little more forceful than anticipated and accidentally widened that gap. The good news is that you _didn’t_ lose your mind and can now remember your dreams! You’re welcome.”

Sakura gaped at the woman who was smiling as if she had planned this all along. “You could have turned my head into jelly!”

“Well you haven’t been very cooperative now have you? Frankly, it would have been an improvement on your sour attitude.” Tsunade’s brow ticked as her eyes narrowed. “But it doesn’t matter now. I found out how the wall was able to maintain its strength. The chakra that caused this isn’t being replenished at all. It’s feeding off of _your_ chakra. It’s why you’re so much weaker than you were before. That, and lack of any strength training. Are you feeding this girl, Kakashi?” She chose to see that as a compliment.

“If you were able to widen the gap, does that mean you can take the wall down all together? No jelly, right?” Kakashi asked, completely disregarding the Hokage's question and threatening look.

“It’s not quite that simple. I was able to widen the gap, but only by a very small amount. Solidity of the brain aside, I'm assuming Sakura felt the effects.” She looked to Sakura for conformation.

“I _have_ been getting really bad migraines. Not only when I wake up either. If I see or smell something that even _hints_ at being familiar, my head feels like it’s going to explode.” She frowned. If that was caused by widening a gap, taking down a whole wall would _actually_ turn her to mush.

“I have a feeling that a large part of that is due to the drain on your chakra. Unfortunately, it’s been this way for so long that I’m worried her body has learned to work in tandem with it. The wall doesn’t take more than what it needs, so she doesn’t produce any extra than _that_ amount plus whatever she needed for the fight style she was convinced she knew.”

Sakura shrugged. The style she used was _all_ she knew. “I was taught that my specialty was stealth. That I typically preferred a quick, clean kill to a messy fight. The only reason I didn't kill Sai on sight was because I was told you guys had a scroll hidden away. That, and his smile was unsettling.” At their disapproving looks, she shrugged. "What? It's not like I knew any better."

“The man who did this is a bastard.” Tsunade all but spat. “He knew who you were even before you got there. He picked the complete opposite of your actual fight style on purpose. The excess chakra fed the jutsu while your body adjusted, and then he convinced you to use a style that would keep you stunted.” Her stomps nearly shook the building as she moved to a filing cabinet. “I’ve read over your file hundreds of times since you went missing. It wasn’t an Anbu mission. It was a simple one that requested three medics to help train hospital staff. They requested you specifically, even paid extra. I didn’t think much of it at the time since you’d been specifically requested for medical missions for years. Six days out, the other two returned with no memory and no you.”

Kakashi took the folder from her, his eyes skimming the passages there. “And the person who sent in the request?”

“Never existed.” Her mouth tightened. “I sent several Anbu groups on search and rescues, but the fake doctor that paid for an A-Rank never turned up. As far as we could tell, you were his target all along. After six months of searching, the council forced my hand.” For the first time since Sakura’s arrival, Tsunade’s face softened. “I wouldn’t have stopped looking. You’re like a daughter to me… but after six months the likelihood of you being alive…”

“It’s okay.” Sakura reassured. It wasn’t a lie either. She didn’t want to burst their bubble, but she still had no kinship to these people. Sure, Kakashi had grown on her in a Stockholm-y sort of way, but her memories were still a mystery.

“Well,” Tsunade stood a little straighter. “The good news is that if we can get your body to produce more chakra, I should be able to take down the wall section by section without causing your brain to liquify. As soon as you're in a healthy head space, I have about a thousand missing nin profiles for you to go through. I want to know who this guy really is.”

“How exactly am I supposed to increase my chakra?” She could confront the photo thing later. As stupid as it sounded, she didn't want to give up Jin. Even if he _had_ been the cause of all this, he had never hurt Sakura. He honestly treated her like a sister. For all she knew, he had found her after her memory had been wiped and simple gave her a place in his family... Though, part of her knew how unlikely that was. The smile that the older woman gave her was more than unsettling, and enough to make Sakura forget her train of thought.

“Simple. To expand your chakra, we train you into the ground. Deplete your stores, and your body will start to compensate and produce more. The good news is that you’ve always been a quick study with chakra to spare.”

With a happy smile, Kakashi rubbed the back of his neck. “Looks like we’re starting from square one. How do you feel about climbing trees?” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This whole chapter makes me want to write a story centered around Anbu!KakaSaku. I really love the dynamic of the team (lowkey adddddore Genma). If I'm being honest, I wish I would have written the third member as Shikamaru. I love Shikka too.
> 
> I might or might not be thinking about writing a story like that.  
For those of you not coming from my Tumblr, I'm working on an Anbu!Sakura cosplay at the moment. In making her mask, I wanted it to be something unique to her (even though they don't work like that). I liked the idea of a bunny/rabbit because it's a creature that you typically regard as cute, but it has one HELL of a kick when you piss it off. It fit her so well, I carried that over to this story.  



	10. Chapter Nine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Big AN at the end!

Chapter Nine

_“A ninja must see through deception.”_

_“If the bait is obvious, don’t take it…”_

_ It had been the first lesson Kakashi had ever taught her…_

_It'd been easy back then to laugh at Naruto’s expense. As badly as she had wanted to pass Kakashi's test, no bait could ever be tempting enough to make Sakura completely disregard her own wellbeing. At least… that’s what she had thought at the time. Yet here she was, about to activate the most obvious trap in the world. There was no question of whether or not Kakashi intended for her to find it. It sat on her coffee table, a bright orange beacon of temptation._

_Icha Icha… _

_It shouldn’t have been that tempting. Sure, he had been spending a lot of time at her place lately, but she refused to believe that Kakashi would ever be comfortable enough to just _leave_ his book somewhere. _

_“No.” She shook her head at the empty room. “I’m not going to fall for this. It’s beneath me.” She bit her lip as the cover seemed to _brighten_. “It’s probably just lewd photos anyway!” Perhaps this was simply meant to rob her of her remaining sanity. _

_She moved to the couch cushion in front of the book. Not because _it _was there, but because it was _her_ couch, and this just so happened to be her favorite spot! Her fingers tapped against the bare skin of her knee. Why was this so difficult!? She had never cared about the contents before - beyond minor curiosity that was. So what if this book was basically Kakashi’s most prized possession? So what if he left it right in the middle of her living room? So what if he hadn’t come back for it!?_

_“I should put it away…” Sakura reasoned with herself. “I wouldn’t want anyone to visit and think it was mine…” Despite the sound reasoning (excuse) she had come up with, she hesitated. It felt… taboo. Like touching Kakashi’s book was the same thing as… touching him. “Nope!” She shook her head quickly. “Not going there!” It was his fault! Him and his stupid, beautiful face. _

_To make it all the more tempting, it wasn’t even his usual book. This was one of the rare copies of Icha Icha Innocence. Jiraiya hadn’t cared to publish it at first because it was separate from the series all together. The cover promised a story about ‘Pure Love’. Maybe it wasn’t as bad as the others seemed?_

_“One chapter…” Sakura breathed as her mouth tightened. “One chapter to get it out of my system.” _

_It still took her several seconds to actually _touch_ the book. Opening it carefully, she began reading. Sakura had hoped that after the first few pages she would be completely put off, but it was surprised (and exceedingly aggravated) to find that Jiraiya actually wrote compelling characters. The leads, Kuroto Takabo and Ametsu Saichi were wonderfully flushed out. Despite Sakura’s fears, she made it to chapter four before things took a sexual turn. Even when they did, it wasn’t the raunchy content she had been expecting. _

_“You have to stop, Ametsu…” Kuroto’s tone was firm, but he knew she would see through him. They had been friends for so long, that he doubted he could ever hide anything from her again. _

_“Why? Because you’re my superior now?” Her bright golden eyes shone with the fire he had grown to love. “You didn’t tell me to stop when you kissed me at the festival last week. You didn’t tell me to stop when you held me after my mother’s death…” She moved around the desk to stand in front of him. Kuroto felt his fading. He could never resist her, and she knew that as well as he did. “You didn’t tell me to stop when you made love to me on your wedding night.”_

_Sakura gaped, her eyes wide. “I knew it!”_

_“I… I didn’t think you remembered.” Kuroto’s jaw clenched. Perhaps it would have been better for them both if she had forgotten. “You never said anything.”_

_“I was afraid.” She admitted as she reached for one of his hands. Holding it between her own, she placed the palm over her beating heart. “I’m not afraid anymore, Kuroto. I’m only afraid of losing you.” _

_“But my wife-“_

_“Has been sleeping with your brother!”_

_“That whore!” Sakura gasped. She had her suspicions of course, but still! “He could have been with Ametsu this whole time!” _

_Kuroto waited for the pain to come with that information, but it never did. If anything, he felt relief. “I can’t give you what you want. I’m not the man I was before any of this started… before I grew to not deserve you. You deserve a man that can give you the world, Ametsu. I’m far too old and too broken to give you that.”_

_“I never said I wanted the world. You decided that for me. Please, Kuro” she breathed, undeterred by his words. “All I want the feel of you lips against mine. I want the sound of your heart beating faster as I press against you. I want the touch of your hands on my body…” She slid his hand from over her heart into the loose fabric of her top. _

_Even though she was guiding his hand, she shuttered at his touch. “If I claim you now, It won't be enough. I’ll want all of you.”_

_“I’m already yours.”_

_He was kissing her then, the taste of her hot mouth chasing any weak, lingering protests from his mind. She was eager, her small hands already moving across the front of his pants. Ametsu had been so innocent when this had all started. Now, she was a woman that declared her wants and needs. A woman that took what she desired and spared no apologies. As if in agreement with his thoughts, her hand wrapped around his long, hard –_

_“This is my favorite part.” Sakura yelped, nearly tossing the book into the air. She was sure that any credibility she had as a ninja was just lost. _

_Kakashi stood behind the couch, his elbow resting on the back, and his chin resting in his palm. It appeared as is if he had been reading over her shoulder, though she wasn’t quite sure how long he had been there. Even with the mask in place, she could tell he was smiling. _

_“I just-“ Her heart wouldn’t slow down long enough for her to think of an excuse. Busted. “I just picked it up and opened it to this page.” Weak. So weak._

_“Is that so?” His voice had a dull hum to it as he circled the couch and sat in her armchair. “I suppose you don’t care that Kuroto’s wife is pregnant then.”_

_“No, of co- what!?” Her eyes widened. “Is it his brother’s?”_

_Kakashi chuckled lightly, pulling the second Icha Icha out of his pocket as he did so. “Only one way to find out.” He gestured to the book she still held with his chin before turning his attention to his own book. _

_Hesitantly, Sakura sank back into the couch. With one last skeptical look in his direction, she picked up where she left off._

* * *

_Summer 2016_

“This isn’t what I expected to be doing.” Sakura panted as she laid sprawled out on the grass, her face red with exertion and heat. Kakashi simply looked up from his book. As soon as they arrived at the training field, he had found himself a shady spot under a tree and set her off. “I know the point is to exert myself to the point of exhaustion, but isn’t there a better way to do that?”

He rose a single silver brow, and Sakura could almost swear she saw a dimple through the mask. “Why, Sakura. Why kind of man do you take me for?”

Rolling her eyes, Sakura let her head fall back to the grass with a grunt of _‘pervert’. _“I’ve been running on rooftops for hours. I must have gone fifty miles at this point.”

“Don’t be so dramatic. It’s only been forty-six.”

“Forgive me for embellishing.” Even though he couldn’t see it, she rolled her eyes again.

The first week they trained, it had been hand to hand. Sakura learned quickly that there was no way she could keep up with him. According to Kakashi, she had at one point, but her chakra was far too low. The second had been with the dogs. As cute as they were, when Bull charged Sakura at full speed, she was sure that she lost about ten years off of her life. The third had started her chakra-induced running. She was up to double the distance now, and Tsunade praised her progress, but it wasn’t nearly enough. The gap in her mental wall had grown, but it was still only a gap. She remembered simple things, like the tune her mother would hum while she cleaned and the name of her favorite actor, but the rest was still completely dark. It was disconcerting, even if she didn’t tell the others. The dreams helped, but they were more like snapshots then actual memories. She could remember what happened in them, but only from an observational point of view. The emotions they provoked faded within a few hours of waking. Tsunade had looked less than thrilled at this news.

“I was thinking we’d go out for dinner tonight.” Kakashi’s tone was light, but he stood nearly tense over her, his hands in his pockets. She hadn’t even heard him approach. She was definitely done for the day.

“Are you trying to get me to go out with you?” Her tone was teasing, but her humor fell away with a wince as he helped her up. She would be sore for days.

“We’re already married. My days of wooing are over. It’s not my fault you can’t remember them. I've held up my end of the bargain.” He seemed to enjoy poking fun at her memory loss these days, and she found she preferred it to the looks of pity the villagers gave her. “Besides, thanks to your miraculous reappearing act, everyone _knows_ we’re married. That might not seem like much to you now, but when you get your memories back, I imagine you’ll be less than pleased.”

“I didn’t want people to know we were married?” She frowned as they walked side by side back to their place. _Huh _– she thought with some amusement. When had it become _their_ place? “That seems a little unfair.”

“Well…” He scratched the back of his head, a thoughtful look in his eyes. “It wasn’t that simple. With the age gap and the fact that I was your sensei… It’s not forbidden, per say, but it is frowned upon. Tsunade could have demoted us both for it.”

It was true that people tended to watch them as they passed, but they never seemed to be angry. Most of the time, they gave her that pitying look she hated so much. “I don’t know about the old me, but I don’t really care what people think.”

“Maybe not now.” He offered, almost gently. “But only because you only remember a handful of the people here. Without your memory it’s easy for you to overlook the people that you've known your whole life.” He gave her an encouraging smile. “Then again, you didn’t care much before, either. The worry was more on my end. I worried what people would say about you. I thought if I took the position of Hokage, no one could say anything.”

“I keep hearing that – that you were supposed to be Hokage. Pakkun said-” at his gaze, she instantly felt guilty for throwing the pug in the line of fire. “He said that you gave up the position for me, but I was already gone at that point.”

“Remind me to pick up a muzzle later.” He replied in a flat voice before sighing. “I was _supposed_ to take over for Tsunade, but I turned it down. If I became Hokage, I wouldn’t have been able to search for you myself. Don’t look so upset, I never really wanted the job anyway. Besides, I wasn’t exactly in the frame of mind to run a village.” He unlocked the door, allowing her to enter first. “In the end it all worked out. People feel so sorry for me – _the man who waited years for his missing wife only to have her not remember him_ – that not one person has commented on the fact that I’m so much older than you. All in all, this turned out fairly well.”

Ignoring the urge to roll her eyes yet again, Sakura toed off her shoes. “I meant to ask…” She bit her lip, not sure if she was overstepping. “That night that I first remembered my dream. I was on a team. Sai and – I can’t remember the other one’s name.” She frowned. “Tall, kind of a flirt, kinda full of himself. He was the one that brought my files to Tsunade when I woke up!” She remembered the smirk he had given her before leaving.

“That would be Genma.” His voice was flat again. “Did you have a question about him?” From his tone, Sakura worried that she _had_ overstepped. Kakashi sounded… angry.

_“Should I be worried that you’re flirting with Genma?”_

“Oh!” She bit her lip to stop from smiling, a pleased blush spreading across her cheeks. “You’re _jealous_!”

She lost the battle with her smile as he sputtered. “Jealous? Of Genma?"

“Relax, Kakashi.” She breathed a quick laugh. Even with his mask on, he could be so expressive. “I just wanted to know if I could invite Genma and Sai over to find out more about our missions. You’re welcome to stay if you're worried I’ll rip off my clothes and let them have their way with me.”

She might have imagined it, but he looked cross _and_ amused. “Of course you can. You don’t need to ask permission. This is your home too. I’ll call them for you if you want.”

“I’d appreciate that.” Still pleased, she moved past him to head for the shower. “And you have nothing to be jealous of Kakashi. You’re much prettier than he is!”

She was sure she heard the words _‘ruggedly handsome’_ as she closed the bathroom door.

The restaurant wasn’t what Sakura had expected. It wasn’t in the shinobi area of the village like she thought it would be. In fact, it wasn’t in the village at all. It was ten minutes beyond the gates in a small sub-village. Despite it being well past sunset, the streets were still busy with people enjoying the main plaza of stores and restaurants. She allowed Kakashi to guide her through the crowd with a heavy hand on the small of her back. She blamed the sweltering summer heat for the way it seemed to burn through the thin fabric of her simple summer dress.

“We used to come here when we could slip away unnoticed.” He explained as the turned down a side street that was decidedly less crowded and noisy. Still, his hand didn’t move. “I think you _liked_ pretending that we were civilians. Don’t get me wrong, we both love what we do, but it’s nice to pretend occasionally.”

Opening an unmarked door, he allowed her entry first, his hand finally leaving her back, but leaving the heat behind in its place. “Kuroto! Ametsu!”

Sakura gaped, her face turning red as the waiter busied himself with menus. “Please tell me we didn’t use _Icha Icha_ names as civilian code names.”

Kakashi had the presence of mind to look embarrassed. “Well, it was my idea at first, and you didn’t stop me in time. It kind of stuck.” His smile simply widened as she glared at him.

“Your usual table is open. I haven’t seen you two in years! I assumed you were too busy with a handful of little ones to come see us.” The man was entirely too invested in them. Sakura forced a smile as he seated them in a secluded corner.

“Sorry to disappoint Hiro, but not yet.” Kakashi’s smile was friendly enough, but Sakura could tell he was uneasy as well. Had he always been? Or was it because he was worried that Hiro would be able to tell that Sakura wasn’t the same?

“Well, you’re not getting any younger, Kuroto!” He winked at Sakura. “Last time I saw you two was when you made an honest woman of this one. Let’s hope you don’t wait so long to take the _next_ step.” He patted Kakashi’s shoulder in a familiar way before retreating with the promise of drinks.

“Little ones?”

“_Icha Icha?_” Her mouth twitched. “You don’t remember your poor husband, but you remember a risqué book series. And you call _me_ the pervert.”

Sakura blushed and turned her head, a small pout on her lips. “I dreamt of it last night – the first time I read the book and you caught me.”

“Ah, I remember that day. It took a lot of planning, you know. I knew I had to leave _that_ book because if I left any of the racier ones, you were a lot less likely to get hooked.”

“I knew it was a trap!” She accused in a whisper, remembering how she had thought exactly that.

He chuckled and leaned back in his seat, seemingly pleased with her ire. “If the bait is obvious-“

“Don’t take it.” She finished for him, her smile smaller. “I remember bits an pieces of the bell test too. I mean _actually_ remember, not dream-remember.” Her brow furrowed a bit. “I wish I could remember more. It’s frustrating, you know? It’s like watching someone else’s home movies. You can see them, and you understand them, but you feel no personal connection to them. It’s like my mind is a steel trap that slams shut every time I get too close. Tsunade is worried that it’s another layer to the jutsu. She thinks that once the wall is down completely, It’ll all hit me at once.”

“Sakura…” He placed a hand over her own, his eyes soft. “It’s okay. I know that even if you don’t have many emotions tied to those memories, you still feel _something_. You’re not emotionless. You’ve always been far too passionate for that.”

Before she could respond they were assaulted by the overly-friendly waiter once again. It was a flurry of uncomfortable questions and non-existent boundaries between the arrival of their drinks and the arrival of their food. Finally with the waiter nowhere in sight, Kakashi yanked down his mask, giving Sakura a playful wink as he chewed slowly.

“There are some perks to playing the part of a civilian.” She agreed, though the state of his hair without his headband wasn’t one of them. It wasn’t that she disliked it – quite the opposite in fact.

It was a strange thing – to feel embarrassed that she was attracted to her own husband.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bonus points if you read the Icha Icha scene like the dramatic ass soap opera it was written to be.
> 
> Side note: If you guys find the time line to be confusing, let me know. I have one written up I can throw in at the end.
> 
> Regarding my take on Kakashi's characterization: 
> 
> I just wanted to say that I'm really glad that you guys like this Kakashi. To be honest, he's always written around what we see in the manga/show, with a heavy focus on his past (because that's pretty much ALL we get from the manga and show). While I'm not arguing that it's a big part of who he is (and one of the reasons we swoon for him), I really wanted to do something different. Going into this, I knew the Kakashi that had been without Sakura would be - wellllllllllll - emo. And I wanted to really play off that by showing how DIFFERENT he was with her. I wanted the conflict to not be something as superficial and repetitive as Kakashi brooding over the fact that he wasn't good enough for her blah blah blah. Don't get me wrong, I eat that up in fanfics, but I wanted something fresh. 
> 
> I went into this knowing that they were going to have an established relationship, one that would not only have to be very strong to last the time skip, but one that was appropriate of characters their age. As much as I love the whole 'does he like me??' tension you get in most fanfics (and as appropriate as it is for the source material and medium), I wanted the problems they overcame to be tangible. Real adult problems and feelings that didn't have a right or wrong answer. It's also why Jin was made to be such a complex character that Sakura didn't really hate -yet-, which you'll see more of later. I wanted Sakura to really struggle with right and wrong here. Just like I wanted Kakashi to war with his own self-doubt, but for his love for Sakura to take priority. 
> 
> It was important for me to show them being playful because I really liked the idea of their relationship having that quality. They found each other in the darkness, and in a lot of ways became each other's happy place. They recovered from the toll the war left and healed together. They learned about and respected each other in a way that they had never been able to do in the past. Because of this, their bond is something they both see as worth fighting for. Even when Sakura starts to understand the situation, and struggles to come to terms with it, she doesn't lose faith in him. She trusts him to guide her because that bond they share is so much more than she even realizes. 
> 
> Okay. Unicorns and rainbows aside, I just really felt the need to rant about that. It's something I put a lot of effort into and was worried would be considered too OOC to be enjoyed.


	11. Chapter Ten

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SMUT!! SMUTTY SMUT SMUT SMUT!  
You have been warned. None of you can blame me if you read this in public and turn the brightest red that ever did red. 
> 
> If you are not interested in reading the smut (like that's not what you're here for, you dirty birds), you can skip it. Just skip past the flashback and you'll be fine. It won't effect the story.

Chapter Ten

_“This is so wrong on so many levels…” Sakura breathed in a whisper even thought they both knew perfectly well that they were the only ones in the building. Just like they both knew that she didn’t mean a word of what she said. _

_“We could always leave-“_

_“No!” Kakashi’s smile was so wide, it pulled his mask down a bit. “I mean… we’re already here…”_

_“Not to mention this was _your_ idea.” He immediately held his hands up in defense as she spun on her heel. _

_“It was not! I said it as a joke! You’re the one who decided we should actually do it!”_

_“When are you going to stop pretending to be so innocent?” He raised a brow, but she simply turned away from him with a huff. _

_It seemed like forever since she stepped foot in the old school building. The halls had seemed bigger then, but that was to be expected. Even with the renovations, her old classroom was in the same spot. Sliding the door open, Sakura bit back a smile as the memories flooded her. The last time she was in the familiar room was the day she met Kakashi. They had been completely different people back then. _

_“You’re not gonna drop an eraser on my head, are you?” He asked, standing just outside the doorway. With a fond huff, she grabbed him by the vest and pulled him into the room, closing the door securely behind him. The fact that it didn't have a lock set Sakura’s nerves on edge again. _

_“This seemed like a better idea at home.” She bit her lip as she surveyed the room. There had been several upgrades over the years, but the layout was the same. Immediately, her eyes traveled to her old seat._

_“Why Miss. Haruno…” His deep voice was closer than she expected, which only served to enhance the effect it had on her. “If you leave now, I’m afraid I’ll have to take… disciplinary action.” _

Kami!_ When she tentatively suggested role playing, she didn’t think he would take to it like a fish to water. Then again, this _was_ Kakashi. He picked everything up right away, even without his sharingan. Biting back the fierce blush that threatened to be her undoing, Sakura clenched her fists. “But, sensei… I won’t become a Chūnin if you don’t pass me…”_

_She wasn’t sure when the fact that he had once been her sensei became a kink, but he was more than happy to oblige her. She assumed it had started a long time ago (though she’d never admit to it). Probably around the time that he defeated Zabuza. It was true that she still had an obsession with Sasuke at that point, but the way Kakashi had protected them… the way he had navigated the situation with practiced ease and took complete control… it stirred something in her. She would never inflate his ego by telling him that _he_ was her sexual awakening. _

_“Well, you _have_ been a very eager student, Miss. Haruno. I’d hate to see your talents go to waste.” His large hands found their way to her hips, his now bare lips skimming the shell of her ear as he spoke. Sakura worked to bite back a moan as he pressed the length of his excitement against her lower back. _

_“Sensei!” She gasped in mock-horror. “I don’t think that’s appropriate!”_

_He hummed. Where his lips pressed to her ear, she could feel them stretch into a smile. At least they were _both_ enjoying themselves. “Don’t you want to become the best of my students? It’s a sensei’s job to make sure you’re ready for the real world, after all. Sometimes, kunoichi’s are forced to take on certain roles. I’d be neglecting my duties as a sensei if I didn’t teach you all I had to offer. And I have _a lot_ to offer.” One of his hands circled her waist to splay across her stomach. “Besides, Miss. Haruno, this is your fault.” He pressed into her again, a silent shutter following soon after. _

_She closed her eyes, trying to compose herself. “I didn’t mean to, sensei!” She was torn between jumping him and laughing at her own bad acting. Still, it seemed to have the same effect on him that it did on her. “Please… teach me, sensei.” _

_The hand on her stomach had moved to cup one of her covered breasts, his lips moving to the exposed skin of her neck as he hummed deeply. “You _are_ the best, Sakura…” He breathed against her skin, and she fought to try and keep track of their little story – if they were even pretending anymore. “You’re amazing.”_

_“Kakashi…” She breathed as he sucked the skin at her pulse point, her head dropping back against his shoulder. _

_“Call me sensei.” It was demand for the sake of their game, but it still sent a chill down her spin. Oh yes, she _definitely_ had a kink for that. It seemed like she wasn’t the only one. _

_Kakashi had been easy to figure out, though it had taken a while for Sakura to work up the nerve. He had always been about words. She had a feeling early on that he enjoyed a verbal partner during sex. It took a month before she found her courage and tested her theory. She had been more than rewarded for her efforts. A few times, they had read lines from Icha Icha, but mostly he liked her to improvise. The sensei thing had been an idea of her own, but he had jumped at the chance to try something she wanted. Now, it seemed as if it wasn’t solely for her benefit. _

_“Forgive me, sensei… your hands just feel so good…” She breathed, loving the way his breath caught. When his hand found a tightened nipple through the fabric of her top, she moaned, arching into him. Sakura had always been about chasing that amazing ending while Kakashi very much enjoyed the journey. _

_“I bet you like it when I touch you through your clothes. You call me a pervy sensei, but you love it, don’t you Sakura? You’ve probably been touching yourself to the thought of me for years.” Oh! That was… new… _

_Although he had always been vocal, he’d never been quite so crass. Sakura was only slightly mortified to find it added to the fire growing inside of her. _

_“Yes…” She admitted as the hand that had been resting on her hip began its own journey. “For years, Kakashi-sensei. Even before we found Sasuke. I used to lay back in my bed and touch myself. I’d pretend it was you. That’s why I wanted to see your face so badly. I wanted to imagine it over me as I came.”_

_The groan that elected in him was a thing of beauty. His forehead had dropped to her shoulder, but his hands continued to work over her body. The second (talented, talented) hand now found its target, slipping inside her soaked panties to stroke her gently. He knew her body as well as he knew his jutsu at this point. She was sure that if he wanted to, he could make her come without touching her at all. _

_“That fact is going to stick with me until my dying days.” He mumbled more to himself than to her. Composing himself, he withdrew his hands, smiling at her whimper as he spun her. “_That_, Miss. Haruno, was a very dirty thing you just said…” He tisked. _

_The predatory smirk that transformed his face made her clutch onto the teacher’s desk for stability. Without it, she would have surly collapsed. The movement however, seemed to inspire her boyfriend – slash – sensei. Licking his lips, Kakashi rounded the desk to sit in Iruka’s old chair. Nope – she didn’t want to think of Iruka at this particular moment. As he undid the button of his pants to make himself more comfortable, she understood where he was going. _

_“Are you going to wash my mouth out, sensei?” Was that _her_ voice that sounded so breathless?_

_“I would, but I seem to be out of soap.” His eyes seemed even heavier than usual. “Can you think of anything else I could put in your mouth to teach you a lesson?”_

_Oh, she most certainly could. Biting her lip, Sakura sank to her knees in front of him. Despite how angry and strong her personality could be, there was something poetic about letting him take control. Maybe it was because she trusted him with her life. Her hands slid up his clothed legs, stretching across his muscular thighs. With an encouraging, dimpled smile, her nimble fingers hooked inside his waistband as his large hand found purchase on the crown of her head. _

_“Sakura…” He groaned, sending another shiver down her spine. _

_She loved him like this. It was only when they made love that she realized how guarded he had been her whole life. Here his face was relaxed, eyes shut and mouth slack. She took him into her mouth, watching in utter pleasure as it transformed. If she were younger and more inexperienced, she would think he was pained. And maybe – part of her thought with smug satisfaction – he was. Her movements were purposefully slow, her cheeks not quite hollowing enough to bring him to the edge. It was cruel to tease him like this, but she knew that she would be rewarded. _

_His fingers tightened in her hair as the lewd sounds of wet sucking filled the empty classroom. The little line between his brows deepened further, and she could almost start the countdown to her reward. Any moment now…_

_“Sakura!” It wasn’t a cry of pleasure, but a growl of frustration. _This_ look was the one that made her practically drip with need. His eyes were dark and hard, practically glaring into her as she kept the same unhurried pace. His full top lip had thinned as it pulled back to curl in frustration over his teeth. Rage. Anger. Frustration. They were all contained in this perfectly beautiful man, and she got to be the one to watch him come undone. Gone was the man with perfect composure, in his place was raw _need_. “Stop teasing me.”_

_“Well…” She was slightly breathless as she pulled away, her lips glistening as her hand moved lazily over him. “I guess you’ll just have to teach me a lesson, sensei.”_

_With what could only be described as a guttural _growl_, Kakashi moved them with the speed of an elite ninja. She hardly had time to find her balance on the edge of the large desk before he was slamming into her, her body giving way as it always did for him. Her moan was so loud, she was sure it was heard all the way at the Hokage tower. _

_“Is this what you wanted, Miss. Haruno?” He panted out, his teeth still bared. The tension in face and body were a work of art. "Tell me." He barked the command, but didn’t move an inch. He was teasing _her_ now. _

_“Yes…” Her eyes rolled back in her head as he grabbed a fistful of her bright pink hair and yanked her head backwards. She shuttered as his sharp nose traced the line of her jugular. _

_“Yes, what?” He purred as he pulled at her top with the hand that didn't have her hair in a vice grip, freeing one of her breasts so he could torture her further. His fingers moved over her without hurry, even as he twitched inside of her. Even when he was lost, he was always in control. “Tell me what you want, Sakura. Show me how filthy your mouth really is.”_

_Despite the need within her, and despite the crude things she had said in the past, Sakura felt a blush heat her cheeks. He chased it away with a particularly hard tug of her hair that had _no right_ to feel so good. “I want you to move…” She breathed, finding her voice and grappling for her courage. Pushing against the painful angle, she met his dark eyes. “I want you to fuck me, sensei. I want your hard cock inside of me until I can’t take it anymore. Please, Kakashi-sensei. Fuck me and fill me.”_

_Any remaining embarrassment she might have felt disintegrated at the feeling of him withdrawing and slamming his hips back into her. His hands finally released her from her delicious torture, finding purchase on her backside to counter the force of his thrusts. “You’ve got a filthy mouth, Miss. Haruno.” He bit out breathlessly. “I fucking love it.” _

_She was almost there, her body winding tightly as she clutched his biceps for some semblance of stability. Higher and higher – only he could do this to her body. Only him. She was so close, she could practically taste the satisfaction on her tongue._

_“Sakura…” _

“Sakura!” She awoke with a gasp, her body hot and aching. She would _kill_ the person that dared to wake her right before the best part.

An angry, sleepy glance around the room proved that it wasn’t a person, but a bored-looking pug. “Pakkun? Why did you wake me?”

He huffed once, his eyes darting to the side quickly. “You were talking in your sleep. Seemed like a good time to wake you since Kakashi is getting up soon.”

The heat in her body collected and pooled in her cheeks. “Talking?” She squeaked. The dream had been very… talky. “What did you hear!?”

“Nothing, nothing.” The pug reassured with a shake of his head. “_Miss. Haruno._” He disappeared before the pillow she threw could land, his laugh lingering a moment longer than he did.

And then the dwelling kicked in. It was rare that Sakura missed not remembering her dreams, but this was one of those occasions. Besides the fact that it left her frustratingly unsatisfied, the dream completely demolished any views she’d had about herself since her memory loss. She wasn’t just _experienced_, she was downright _dirty_. Maybe that’s was why she and Kakashi seemed to make such a good pair.

_ “You are the best, Sakura…” He breathed against her skin, and she fought to try and keep track of their little story – if they were even pretending anymore. “You’re amazing.”_

The sound of Kakashi’s alarm clock jolted Sakura from her thoughts. She knew he had about three snoozes in him before he actually got out of bed, but the tension wouldn’t leave her mind. She had to talk to him now, before she lost her nerve. Springing from bed, not bothering to change out of her pajama shorts and tank top, she padded from her room to his. Considering they were right next to each other, it left no time for her to chicken out.

He didn’t emerge from his cocoon of blankets as she entered without knocking, though he had to know she was there. Nor did he stir when she carefully (but purposefully) sat cross-legged on the empty side of the bed, facing the lump of blankets. She didn’t speak at first, but it turned out she didn’t have to. After three seconds of pouty silence, he peeked a solitary, scarred eye out.

“Have I done something? Are you here to punish me? Is that why I’m awake at this unseemly hour?” His voice was hoarse, baring a striking resemblance to how it had been in her dream. Or memory, she supposed. It was less than helpful. 

“It’s nine, Kakashi.” She pressed her lips together as the visible eye closed in pain. “I had a dream…”

The eye opened again, softer this time. “Was it a bad dream?”

“Not… exactly.” She bit her lip. “I think it was a memory, but I have no way to be sure.”

“What was it about?” Her face must have been as red as it felt because the cocoon gave just enough to reveal the other eye. “That good?”

She groaned in frustration, grabbing the unoccupied pillow and using it to cover her face as she buried both in her lap. It certainly didn’t help things that it smelled like him. “It was a sex dream.” She mumbled into the folds of the pillow, half hoping he had already fallen back to sleep.

“Sorry, I didn’t hear you.” Nope. If anything, he sounded more awake. And judging from the amusement in his voice, he most certainly _had_ heard her.

“It was a sex dream!” She bit out forcefully as she left the safety of her pillow.

“Well it’s possible it was real.” His eyes crinkled in a smile she was sure was teasing. “You’ll have to give me detail if you want me to confirm it’s legitimacy.” When she didn’t answer right away, the cocoon moved in what could be a shrugging motion. “Or I could start guessing. The list is long and scandalous. There was the time at Ino's house when she had to run out-”

Sakura glared at him. “It was a classroom…”

“Which one?”

“There was more than one!?” Her pitch reached an impressive sharpness.

He hummed, his gaze moving to the ceiling. She didn’t even want to know what memories he was reliving. “There were at least three separate rooms and ten separate occasions, though I count the one during the Chūnin exams five years ago as two considering you finished tw-“ Finally catching her unamused expression, he trailed off. “Ah. Yeah. More than one.”

“I think it was the first time. I remember thinking in the dream that I was nervous. It was my old classroom at the academy… I…” Kami, this was mortifying. “There was uh… a lot of talking… I believe I repeatedly called you sensei…”

He hummed fondly. “The sensei thing doesn’t really narrow it down, but I think you’re right. That was probably my favorite time, thought the Chūnin exams were a close second. Get it? Second? Because you finished t- Ouch!” He winced as she swung at the middle of the cocoon. “You’re definitely getting your strength back.”

“I didn’t want to know the details, I just had a question about something you said at the time…” Her frown seemed to sober him.

“If I said something to upset you, you should know that we both -ah… we tended to say things during sex. Sometimes things we would never normally say.” After reliving the memory, she knew _exactly_ what he meant.

“Not that, I gathered that much…” She was sure her face was permanently stained red at this point. Maybe she could pass it off as a sunburn when people pointed and laughed. “You said I was… amazing.” At his raised brow she continued quickly. “I’m not fishing for compliments or anything, I swear! It’s just… I haven’t… not since I lost my memory. I can’t _remember_ ever… Until that, and that was certainly…” She huffed, swallowing her pride as she met her eyes. “I don’t remember if I was good or bad. I feel like I’m just remembering small details and everyone else knows the _real_ me. Something that intimate, that uh - _adventurous. _I must have been experienced. It's jarring when you think you're a virgin and find out that...”

He was silent for beat, but it wasn’t in contemplation. The way he looked at her – it was something she would never be able to describe. “You’ve always been amazing, Sakura. In every aspect.” He seemed to sense her protest because he finally pushed up on his elbows, revealing his entire face. “When it comes to sex, _we_ were amazing. It wasn’t just about technique or experience. We loved each other, and our bodies reflected that. And yeah, we could be _adventurous._” That crooked, dimpled smile would be her undoing. "We were always able to talk openly about our desires and what we liked. We certainly didn't start out in classrooms. It takes time to build up to something like that."

“Oh…” She supposed that was a good answer. At least she wasn’t some cold fish in the bedroom. But would she remember how well they moved together? Would she be able to live up to her own reputation? Maybe her body would remember what she couldn’t. Still… it had been years. A soft tap to the forehead had her blinking at him.

“You’re the best I’ve ever had.” That made her stomach flip in at least three directions. “The sex was amazing, and adventurous, and emotional, and everything anyone could ever ask for. I hope that when you get your memory back, you’ll be able to say the same.”

Even though she could feel her skin prickling with embarrassment, she gave him a small smile. “Kakashi… have you…” She bit her lip as he tilted his head like a sleepy puppy. “I mean… it’s been two years. No one would fault you. I _certainly_ would understand. Even if you held onto my memory, I imagine there are certain needs- and now that I’m saying it, I realize it’s probably none of my business anyway-“

“No.” He stopped her with a shake of his head. “Only you since the day that you told me you loved me.” He didn’t seem embarrassed by the confession. “Sex aside, it’s only _ever_ been you, Sakura. I’ve never loved anyone else.”

For one long heartbeat, she thought the feeling nesting in her chest was self-consciousness, but it couldn’t be. It was warm, and fragile, and made her want to run and never move again at the same time. “Do you miss it?” She hadn’t meant for the question to be a breathless whisper.

“Every day.” He rewarded her bravery with another crooked, dimpled smile. “But the first time… we were already in love. It wouldn't feel right to initiate something like that until you loved me again.”

“That could take a while.” She lied. He seemed to already know this.

Retreating back into his cocoon, Kakashi gave her a wink. “I did it once, I’ll do it again. Besides, you’re already halfway there.”

_At least_. Sakura’s mind supplied as she stood on shaky legs and left the bedroom.

Kakashi wasn’t babysitting her, and he certainly wasn’t jealous of Genma. _Mostly_. He trusted his friend and his wife completely. _Mostly_. The masked man tried not to sigh as he turned another page without seeing. He sat in the corner of the room, pretending to read as Sakura asked Sai and Genma a million questions about their missions. Technically, he wasn’t supposed to hear any of it, but he doubted Tsunade would mind. Sakura was reaching out to people. She was _trying_. It was a good sign.

Which was why he couldn’t act like a jealous husband. Not that he was. Of course not. He was just… okay, he was jealous. He didn’t think Genma’s flirting was serious. It never was when it came to Sakura. He had seen her as family (which made the joke flirting slightly unnerving, but still), and she had felt the same. At least, Sakura with her memories did. And therein lied the problem. This Sakura didn’t remember that. This Sakura didn’t know him as a surrogate big brother. This Sakura had no reason not to genuinely flirt with the senbon wielding ninja. Ever since Sakura started gaining her memory back, there was a little voice that nagged at Kakashi. What if she couldn’t love him anymore? What if she didn’t _want_ to?

It was true that Sakura hadn’t mentioned any intent of leaving him. And sure, her memories were mostly about their time together… but was that enough? Without the emotions that those memories held, what reason did she have to stay married to him? He could tell that the physical attraction was still there, but he didn’t want her to just find him attractive. He wanted her to love him. It was easy to tease and make fun of the fact that he was wooing her, but what if that was all it was to her? A joke.

Kakashi blinked as Sakura laughed at something Genma said, lightly punching him on the arm. What would he do if she decided to leave? He couldn’t keep her tethered to him forever. There was a chance she might get her memories back and decide that her feelings had changed. She said it herself, they’re both different people than they were two years ago.

“You know, once you get your memory back, you’ll be cleared for field work.” Genma smiled widely. “Tsunade assigned us a third, but I’m sure she’d replace him with our favorite medic nin.”

“It would be nice to have you back on our team again.” Sai smiled kindly as he looked up from his sketch.

“I don’t know…” Sakura blinked owlishly. It looked as if she was searching her brain for the correct answer. She did that a lot, Kakashi noticed. He wasn’t sure if she was trying to find the answer that she thought others wanted, or if she was trying to find the answer the old her would have given. “I guess I’ll have to make that choice when the time comes. It sounds like I enjoyed it.”

Her gaze drifted to him as Genma launched into another story. Behind his mask, Kakashi gave her a wide smile. As much as he would like _his_ Sakura back, there was something comforting about knowing that this one couldn’t read him as well. She returned the smile with a small one of her own before turning her attention back to her old teammates. 

* * *

_Fall 2013_

_Sakura huffed, blowing pink strands from her face to his. With a tired chuckle, he tucked them behind her ear. “That was quite a performance, Mrs. Hatake.” He wanted the words to come out seductive, but after six hours, he was worn out. _

_“Still Miss. Haruno.” She pointed out as she turned to throw her body across his chest. “Until the papers are officially filed, that is.”_

_“Semantics.” He dismissed as he played with the ends of her hair. It was odd to see a wedding ring on his finger. Almost as odd as seeing the matching one on hers. Since they both wore gloves, they could easily wear and hide them in the field. “You’re still officially Mrs. Hatake.”_

_The sleepy smile she gave him made him wish he still had the sharingan. He wanted that mental image preserved. “You know, I’ve been thinking…”_

_“Always a dangerous statement.” It spoke to her fatigue that she didn’t even swat at him. _

_“After this mission, you’re going to be Hokage. Which means I’m going to be the Hokage’s wife. It’s not a very good idea for the Hokage’s wife to be acting Anbu, is it?”_

_His fingers faltered for only a moment before continuing to twist cherry-blossom strands. “Well, the mask is there to protect your identity.”_

_“Yeah, because there is no possible way to identify me when I’m wearing it.” She looked pointedly to the hair he held. “But besides that… You’ll be in the village all of the time, and I was thinking…” She gathered her strength to push up enough to look at him head on. “I don’t have to take so many missions if I go back to the hospital, and maybe… maybe we can get started on those mask-wearing babies.”_

_This time, his fingers stopped all together. She wanted to give up her Anbu life to have _his_ children. She wanted them to make a family. And not in some vague amount of time, but she wanted to actively start trying when she returned. Given her medical prowess, he doubted it would take very long at all. _

_He must have remained quiet too long, because she began to speak again. “I mean, even if you want to wait, that’s okay too. You said something once about waiting a few years. I just thought that… with the village being at peace, and with us being married… I wouldn’t mind, you know? A little you or me running around. They could grow up in your family home, and study at the academy. I know that kids worry you, and not to put a damper on the mood, but you’re _not_ your father. I know you’ve forgiven him, but that doesn’t erase the past, right? The hurt is still there. And I was thinking it would be nice to honor your teammates. They gave you so much. So maybe if we had a boy we could name him Obito, and Rin for a girl. If that wouldn’t be too weird for you. _

_“Kami, it’d be weird for you, wouldn’t it? You never said that you had a romantic relationship with her, but I always thought there might be something there. And here I am making it worse! I’m talking about possible past loves on our wedding night in the middle of trying to convince you to have a baby, and _why_ aren’t you stopping me!?”_

_Kakashi could hardly see through the tears of laughter in his eyes. His chest, along with her whole body had been shaking with his attempt to hold it in, but that hadn’t deterred her until he couldn’t stop himself. “I just wanted to see how long you’d keep going.” This time, she did swat him._

_As his laughter died down, he flipped them stare down at the wonderful, beautiful woman he loved. She had given him so much already, but she always found new ways to surprise him. “I would be the happiest man in the world. I can’t imagine anything greater than the thought of you having my child.” He was whispering by the end of his statement, his lips brushing hers as he looked into her soft jade eyes. “If leaving Anbu is what you truly want.”_

_“It’s what I want. I want our family.”_

_ -_

_Summer 2016_

“Kakashi!” He blinked as Sakura’s hand retreated from in front of his face. They were alone again. He hadn’t even heard Sai and Genma leave. “Are you okay? I’m pretty sure you haven’t even blinked in the last twenty minutes…”

“Just got lost in your eyes, I suppose.” She reacted to that the exact same way she had the first time he had said it; she slapped him in the stomach so hard that it knocked the wind out of him.

“Very funny.” When she was done rolling her eyes, her face grew serious. “I think I remembered something… or, part of something.”

“Oh?” He raised a questioning brow.

“Could we go to the chapel where we got married?”


	12. Chapter Eleven

Chapter Eleven

The chapel wasn’t at all what Sakura had been expecting. Given that it was in the same town as the restaurant Kakashi had brought them to, she expected something akin to a stall with a preacher inside. No… this was…

“Beautiful.” She breathed as she took in the ancient-looking stone that made up the walls. The flash of a memory that came to her had taken place inside. She was instantly glad that she had asked Kakashi to bring her here. Even if she didn’t recover the memory, it would be worth it.

“My parents got married here.” He confessed as he stood beside her, his hands tucked inside his pockets.

“Oh?” Her eyes traveled to him. “I’m sorry that I forgot that.”

“No.” He shook his head before smiling lightly, his gaze softening when it landed on her. “I never told you that.”

There it was again – that weird _fragile_ feeling. “Why not?”

Hands still hidden away, Kakashi shrugged. “I’m not sure, really. I wasn’t trying to hide it from you. I guess we got married so quickly, and you left two days later… I never really had the chance to.”

The flash of memory came again. “I remember pieces of that night. I remember standing at the altar… You wouldn’t stop smiling, which made me smile. I think we scared the officiant… Pakkun didn’t help.”

“We definitely scared him.” Kakashi nodded in confirmation.

“I remember you throwing rice – _cooked_ rice at my head.”

“Every bride deserves rice on her wedding day. It’s not my fault the only thing open was a food stall.” He feigned innocence as she laughed.

“I remember…” She looked to her hand, opening and clenching her fist a few times. “I had it when I left. I made _sure_ I had it because I was going to be gone so long…” As always, Kakashi just watched her patiently as she worked her way through it. “I lost my wedding ring… I’m sorry.”

He shrugged, but his eyes moved back to the chapel. “Rings can be replaced, if you decide that’s something you want.”

“Well, I don’t really consider myself a jewelry person, by I’m pretty sure that’s one piece that’s non-negotiable.” Her smile faltered when he didn’t react.

“I meant, if you wanted to still be married to me.” Her heart jumped to her throat. His voice was even – it always seemed to be during the hard conversations. Still, there was a sadness to him… or maybe it was her own.

“Why wouldn’t I want to be?”

Finally, he looked down at her. She was right, there was a sadness in his eyes. “Because,” he shrugged. “There’s a chance you’ll never get your memory back, Sakura. And if you do, you don’t know if you’ll feel the same way that you did three years ago.”

“What’s bringing this on?” He had been so positive throughout this whole thing. He had held on for _years_, but now he was throwing in the towel? _Now?_ When she was working so hard to chase her memories. When she was… _feeling_? The only reason he would want to give up now was- “Is it me?” The hurt laced her voice before she could stop it. “Is it because what I said _months_ ago? Or is it because I’ve changed too much? Because I’m not that _Sakura_?”

“No!” He quickly disagreed, reaching for her, but stopping when she flinched away from him. “Her and you – you’re the same person. I know we talk about your past like it was someone else, but it’s not. You’re a little fuzzy around the edges, but you’re still the woman I fell in love with.” He sighed deeply before cupping the back of his neck. “Yesterday, when you were talking to Genma-“

“Is that what this is about?” She couldn’t help but scoff. “I’m _not_ interested in Genma! Besides, you said you weren’t jealous!”

“I’m not.” She could hear from the edge in his voice that he was losing patience. “Not in the way you think.”

“Then explain it to me! Help me understand!”

“You talked to him about possibly going back to Anbu... The night before you left, we talked about having a family, do you remember that?” When she shook her head, he continued. “We decided – _you _decided that you were done. That that was going to be your last mission for a while, and that you were going to retire from Anbu. When you got home, we were going to start trying…” She wanted to hold onto her anger, but something inside of her broke at this. “I’m not stupid, I know that circumstances have changed. It’s just that… With our ages…”

“You’re not _that_ much older.” She offered with a weary smile. Why did she feel like she was going to cry? “I’ve come around. You’re just an average-aged perv.”

“But I am… Older.” The fight left him. “I’m forty, Sakura. It doesn’t sound like that big of a deal now, but you’re only twenty-six. You have all the time in the world. If your memories take years to come back – if you get them back and decide that you don’t want that anymore. Or _worse_, if they take years and you _do. _It might be too late for me.”

“I-is,” yup, there were tears now. “Is this an ultimatum or a goodbye?”

“Neither. It’s neither.” He assured. This time when he reached for her, she didn’t pull away. Instead, she wrapped her arms around his middle as he held her. It was the first time since her nightmare. “I’m sorry. I’m just frustrated and I’m taking it out on you.” He sighed. She could feel the way his body seemed to physically sag. “It’s not your fault. It just hurts to have the person you love look at you like you’re a stranger.”

“I’m trying.” She sighed pathetically.

“I know you are. That’s all anyone can ask of you.”

“And I know who you are.” She pulled her head from his chest to look up at him. “I might not know you like I did then, but I’m learning who you are now. I don’t want to _not_ be married to you, Kakashi. I still… I feel things. I don’t know how to describe them. I don’t know if it’s love, or… or what. To me, this is all new. But I _want_ to remember. I want to feel the way I felt in those memories.”

“That’s sweet, Sakura, but wanting to be in love isn’t th-“

“No.” She cut him off with a shake of her head. “That’s not what I meant. I’m sure in time, I’ll feel that on my own. Like you said, I’m already halfway there.” The confession should have been heavier, more monumental, but like everything with him, it was easy. It was just a fact. Part of her, the part that remembered, was already hopelessly in love with this man that had done nothing but work to make her happy and safe. The one that loved her even when she wasn’t her. “I want to feel happy. In those memories I feel… happy. I feel _connected_. It wasn’t just about those times I spent with you, it was about the history that got us to that place. It was about _knowing_ you. I want to know you that deeply again. I want to know _me_ that deeply.”

He seemed to debate with himself before leaning forward and placing a lingering, masked kiss to her forehead. Her eyes slid shut at the contact. “I know you’re unsure and scared, but I _do_ love you. I need you to know that much. Whether you get your memory back next week or twenty years from now. That will never change.”

It was a sad thing, to know she couldn’t give him what he wanted most. Sadder still to know that she might not ever be able to. The saddest part, however, was that she believed him. He would go to his grave loving a woman that might never exist again.

* * *

_Fall 2013_

_Sakura ignored the strange looks from the other medics as she held onto the straps of her backpack. Yes, she was smiling a little too largely. and yes, she was humming, but who could blame her? She had married the love of her life and spent two glorious nights naked in his arms. And when she got back, they would spend even more time naked as they tried to create another life. Well… she might make him wear the Hokage hat. Her giggle at the thought seemed to be the final straw for the junior medics. _

_“It’s sex, right?” One of them asked with a sharp smile. “Nothing makes a girl smile and giggle like that unless it’s fantastic sex.”_

_“We have a bet going.” The younger spoke up before Sakura could. “Umeta thinks its sex, but I say love. Sex is great and all, but only love makes someone _this_ happy.”_

_Sakura debated before telling them. Would it hurt if she told someone? They were going to announce everything when she got back anyway, and it was _killing_ her to not share the news. “It’s both.” _

_“Oh…” Umeta frowned to the other girl. “Who wins then?”_

_“I think Sakura does.” Ashime giggled. “You’re not just gonna stop there are you!? Who is he? How long have you known him? How big’s his- ouch!”_

_“Boundaries, Ash.” Umeta chastised but seemed just as curious. _

_“Well, I’ve known him most of my life…” Sakura’s nerve wavered. “It’s Kakashi.” When they didn’t speak, she bit her lip. “Hatake.”_

_“Oh, we know who you’re talking about, we’re just processing.” Umeta blinked. “I mean, we all suspected, but there was never any proof… and with him being your old sensei and everything…”_

_“I think it’s romantic!” Ashime cut in. “Star-crossed lovers and all that. And the fact that he was her sensei doesn’t matter. That was so long ago!” Her wide eyes turned to Sakura. “How long have you two been sneaking around? Who started it? It wasn’t back when you were a genin was it? I’m all for love winning out, but that’s a bit…”_

_With a light laugh, Sakura shook her head. “We’ve been together about three years now – so no, definitely not a genin. And I think it kind of started itself.” She smiled lightly as she tried to pinpoint when it was exactly that she fell for him. “And actually… a few days ago, we eloped.”_

_“Your love life is so much more interesting than mine.” Umeta mumbled. “When we get to the village we should celebrate! Belated bachelorette party and whatnot.”_

_The trip seemed like an easy mission, so Sakura agreed. Of course, she wouldn’t actually get drunk or try to hit on guys. Unfortunately, they never made it to the village. All Sakura could remember was Ash’s scream before everything went dark. _

* * *

Summer 2016

“I can’t believe how quickly you’ve regained your chakra!” Ino’s compliment held something that sounded suspiciously like contempt. Sakura was still having trouble believing that they had actually been close friends.

“Am I nearing where I was before?” She rose an eyebrow, but didn’t take her eyes off of the cadaver in front of her.

Sakura had been working with Ino and Tsunade to pick up the medical skills she was forced to forget. The knowledge came and went, depending on how hard Sakura tried to grasp at it. Her body seemed to remember what to do though. Her hands often moved before she could even think about where to start. And her strength! Every time Sakura thought that she had hit a cap, she was told to expand further. She found herself wondering just how monstrously strong she was at full power. Even now, the broken chakra wall in her mind took a good chunk as fuel.

“You’re really close. At this rate you might be able to start working on your seal for the Creation Rebirth Technique. I actually miss that tiny diamond in the middle of your big forehead.” This time, her happiness seemed genuine. Sakura was still getting used to the ‘nickname’ though. “Hey… Sakura?” She hummed, her focus on repairing the ligaments that were purposefully severed. “I don’t know how much you remember of our friendship, but I still wanted to apologize.”

“I don’t remember anything you might have done to anger me, if that’s what you’re worried about. Did we fight over a boy or something?” She remembered Ino’s comment to Kakashi after the first time she delved into her mind. It was only the delicate work in front of her that allowed Sakura to push back the jealousy.

“No, not for years.” She laughed at a memory Sakura didn’t hold. “It’s just… you never told me about you and Kakashi. I know I can have a big mouth at times, but I didn’t know you felt like you couldn’t come to me with that sort of thing.”

“I can’t really speak for my past actions, but I don’t think it had anything to do with anyone, really. I think we relied on each other when the world was falling apart. We kind of wrapped ourselves in a bubble. I’m sure that if I hadn’t gone missing, we would have reconnected.” She sighed at the end, her chakra flickering lightly. She was at her limit for the day.

“I hope so.” Ino smiled lightly. “It’s cliché, but I didn’t know what I had until it was gone. There were so many times over the last few years that I picked up the phone to call you only to remember…”

“Well, if you tell me what my phone number is, I’m sure we can arrange something.” Sakura smiled. Ino wasn’t so bad. “Can I ask… you said something about fighting over a boy. It wasn’t Kakashi was it?”

“Kakashi-sensei!? No!” Ino nearly laughed. “Although, I don’t think I’ll ever fully forgive you for not telling me that he was hiding _that_ face this whole time.” She seemed to be joking, but Sakura couldn’t be sure. “It was Sasuke.”

“Sasuke?” Sakura’s brows rose. She hadn’t seen much of Naruto or Sasuke since her return to the village. According to Tsunade, they had requested to search the area Sakura had initially gone missing from for clues. After that proved futile, they were sent on yet another mission that would keep them busy for a while. “The gay one, right?”

“Well we didn’t know he was gay at the time!” Ino laughed. “Though, I suppose all the signs were there.”

“Is that why Naruto and Sasuke seemed so odd around me?”

She sobered. “It’s a little more complicated than that. They didn’t announce that they were a couple until months after you went missing. I think they were hiding it for a long time though. All I know is that you guys just… stopped talking to each other. It was weird because the three of you had been so close, especially you and Naruto. I think that your disappearance helped them find the courage to speak up about what they wanted.”

“So happy to be of use.” Sakura scoffed as they moved from the exam room to one of the hospital’s faculty rooms. “Can I tell you something, Ino? Something I haven’t told anyone?”

Her smile was a little _too_ quick. “Of course! I’ve gotten much better at keeping secrets since joining Anbu’s interrogation force. Oh, don’t look at me like that! You already knew! We worked together.”

Sitting at one of the small white tables, Sakura waited for Ino to join her before speaking. “The truth is… I don’t think the wall is keeping my memories from me anymore.”

Her excitement bled away, leaving a worried look in its place. “What do you mean? Of course it is. That’s why you’ve had better access to them – because Tsunade started tearing it down.”

“And don’t you think it’s odd? That despite how big the gap has gotten – despite the fact that the wall is now split in two, I only really get full memories when I’m sleeping?”

Ino bit her lip, glancing around the empty room before leaning forward to speak softly. “I didn’t tell Lady Tsunade because I didn’t know _how_ to at the time... When I was in your head for the first time, I didn’t pull memories through the gap in the wall, I was able to slip _through it._ I tried your older memories first, because they were easier to access while your subconscious was distracted by the dream. That’s how I was able to confirm that the memories were there in the first place.” Her voice grew lower as she spoke, like she was afraid of what she was saying. “If it was just the wall keeping your memories in, it should have tossed me out right away, but it didn’t. I went through three memories from three different points in your life before entering your dream. Even then, it went on until I spoke and you noticed me. _Only_ when you became self-aware did we get pulled out.”

Sakura’s breath was shaky as the silence weighed between them. It wasn’t something that shocked her; if anything it confirmed her theory. It _scared_ her. “So it’s not the jutsu keeping my memories hostage… It’s me.”

“I work with minds, but I’m not exactly a therapist. Why would you deny yourself your own memories? You obviously want them back.”

“I think something happened, Ino.” It was so quiet, that she could hear the way the blonde’s breath caught. “Something _terrible. _Something that made me not want to remember.” Licking her lips, she found her friend’s gaze. If anyone could help her, it was Ino. “And I want you to help me figure out what it was.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I almost gave it away in an earlier note, but I caught myself. I just thought it was a really sweet statement about the bond they shared, that even when when Sakura couldn't fully remember her life with Kakashi she never considered divorcing him. Like, it never even occurred to her!


	13. Chapter Twelve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING
> 
> This chapter and the next have some pretty heavy/dark content. Please be advised and read the tags for possible triggers!

Chapter Twelve

“I’ve asked you here because you’re both idiots.” Sakura said as soon as the three of them were seated in the living room. From somewhere near the window, Kakashi snorted into his book. “And you! Don’t pass my spot.”

“Yes, dear.” He hummed in a bored, sarcastic manner as she turned her annoyance back where it belonged.

Naruto fidgeted, his eyes only meeting Sakura’s for a few seconds at a time before darting away. To his credit, Sasuke was doing decidedly better. He managed to hold her gaze a lot longer, and when he looked away, it was with a scoff. “Look, Sakura-“

“Nope.” She shook her head. The way Naruto’s face fell was almost enough to make her lighten up. _Almost_. “You apparently had years to talk to me. I had to _die_ to find out about you two! And the real kicker? Apparently, I already knew!”

“You knew?” Sasuke sounded skeptical.

“Hate to break it to you boys, but supposedly everyone did. What I want to know is why you chose to keep it from me? Why was it worth our friendship. Granted, I can’t remember it, but I’ve been told we were close." Unless she counted the first time they abandoned her as teenagers. _I'm sensing a theme._

“We were worried.” Naruto now resembled a kicked puppy. “It was just that… we spent so many years tracking down Sasuke, and when we finally did it, I took him away.”

Sakura’s ‘You didn’t take him away!’ synced with Sasuke’s ‘She didn’t take me away!’

Trying to keep her amusement at bay, Sakura pursed her lips. “I would have understood, Naturo. You can’t help who you love. Besides, I didn’t even love him anymore – not in that way. Sorry, Sasuke.”

“I’ll live.”

“I know that _now_.” Naruto sighed. “I didn’t know how to talk to you, so I ended up _not_ talking to you, and then you died! Well, we _thought_ you died.” He gave her a wide smile. 

“_Well_, I expect you to talk to me now! Trust me, I’m completely disinterested in Sasuke. Again, no offense. I guess you could say my tastes have _matured_.” She allowed herself a small smile at her own joke. “He’s preening now, isn’t he?”

Sasuke leaned to the side so that he could peer around Sakura, the corner of his mouth twitching. “Yes.”

“I shouldn’t be gone too long.” Kakashi assured her for the third time. “The meetings usually run about three hours and it started an hour ago, so…“

“You’re terrible.” She smiled anyway, her head resting against the open door. “Do you want to try that chicken dish tonight?”

He paused in the doorway, his smile soft. She was glad that he hadn’t pulled up his mask yet. She loved basking in it. “Yeah. We could do that. I’ll stop by the market after.” It was all so… domestic. She found herself unable to stop smiling. “Could I-“ His eyes lingered on her own before dropping to her lips.

_Kami, yes!_ “I insist on it.” She was still smiling when he cupped her face.

She loved his face up close. Until now, it was something she had to rely on her dreams to see. Even though they hadn’t kissed in three years, there wasn’t a single movement of his that seemed rushed. His eyes roamed slowly, taking in every detail of her face. If she wasn’t doing the same thing, it might have made her self-conscious. The hand that held her cheek remained in place, but his thumb moved to drag over her bottom lip. Those eyes… those heavy, dark eyes. She had only seen them in her memories until now. He wanted her as much as she wanted him. He might have said her name, but she couldn’t hear a thing over the sound of her heart.

And then his soft lips found hers. The kiss was slow and deep. It wasn’t like he was afraid, but like he was _savoring_ it. She might not remember much about their lives together, but her lips remembered his. Just when she was afraid that he’d end the kiss, his tongue slid into her mouth to fully taste her. The things that tongue had done to her – the wicked words it had spoken. She wanted the memory of them accessible always. She’d take the worst of her memories if it meant also remembering the way his body moved over her. She wanted to remember what it was like when they cried together. She wanted to remember what his skin tasted like. She wanted to _remember_. Period. Hard stop.

“I hate to interrupt – really, I’m getting a lot out of this too – but Tsunade is about to blow her top and the village can’t afford another renovation.” Ino’s voice cut through the lust-filled haze that surrounded them.

Still, Kakashi only pulled back far enough to rest his forehead against her own, his long fingers still gripping her chin. “Two hours. I can make it back in two hours.” He promised in a deep voice that did wicked things to her body. “I’ve taken the tethering off of you. If you need to find me, you know where I’ll be.”

“Why-“

He silenced her with a soft kiss before pulling back and lifting his mask over his nose. “I trust you.” His eyes crinkled with his smile before he straightened completely. “Ino, you’re drooling.” Before she could retort he was gone in a puff of smoke.

“That was…” The blonde seemed nearly dizzy as she pushed into the apartment, closing the door behind her. “Are you sure you want to know what you forgot? You seem to be doing just fine from where I’m standing.”

“I have to. I have to know how many of _those_ I’ve forgotten.” Ino was still dazed as she sunk into the couch.

“I don’t think _I’ll_ ever forget that.” With another moment to compose herself, Ino shook her head and sat up straighter. “You sure about this, forehead?”

Sakura smiled at the old nickname. It was growing on her. “Positive, Ino-pig.”

“Okay, but there’s a catch.” _Wasn’t there always?_ “I have to stay in your head until the memory’s finished. That means that as bad as this will be, I’ll have to see the whole thing too. You won’t see me because you’ll be reliving it. It’s easy to get caught up in these things. It’ll take its toll on both of us. Are you ready?”

Sakura was very proud of herself for only hesitating for a second before nodding. “Ready.”

She had just enough time to register the hand sign before darkness took her.

* * *

_Fall 2013_

_Sakura groaned as she fought through the fogginess in her mind. It was like her whole body was submerged in sand. She wasn’t sure how long it took her to open her eyes. Three tries, at least, but the time between those tries could have been hours. When she was finally able to peel them open, she was exceedingly aware that something wasn’t right. Her body hurt, and not just in an achy sense. Her neck was stiff in a way that came from sleeping sitting up, and her arms felt like they had been pulled out of the sockets. It didn’t matter though. Nothing hurt as bad as her right side. A tired glance proved that she was bleeding through her shirt. She wasn’t sure how long she had been bleeding for, or how big the wound was, but she did know that she had lost too much blood. _

_As bad as it was, that wasn’t her biggest worry. Her first priority was to find out where exactly she was, and why her arms were tied to the wall above her head. She remembered traveling – joking. It was a simple medical mission. How had someone gotten the drop on her? She should have sensed their chakra. _

_“I wouldn’t move too much.” The voice should have scared her, but then, she didn’t have enough energy to be scared. All of her Anbu training came back to her. She had to remain calm. She had to manipulate the situation. Above all else, she needed to keep Konoha’s secrets. Even if it meant her life. “You’ve lost a lot of blood.”_

_The man sat in one of the room’s corners, a kunai between his fingers. He didn’t hold it in a way that implied he intended to use it. He treated it as if it were a toy. The room itself was nothing more than four stone walls, a chair, and an old mattress. “Who are you?” She asked, squinting in the minimal light to make out the man’s features. _

_He leaned forward, practically doubling over to see her. “We’ve met before, Doctor Haruno.” His smile wasn’t what Sakura would call threatening, but it bordered on unhinged. “You treated my sister during the war. You probably wouldn’t remember either of us. You healed so many…”_

_His face _did_ seem familiar. Forcing her brain to work against the darkness that threatened to take her, Sakura tried to place it. His sister… “She had hair like mine, right? A little darker, almost like yours.” For a hostage interrogation, it was actually quite civil. “I remember because I’d never met anyone outside of my family with a hair color like mine.”_

_“Yes! Yes!” He practically cheered as his smile widened. “Oh, I knew you’d remember! I knew it!” He did slide from the chair now, sitting cross-legged in front of her. _

_Sakura _did_ remember his sister. She remembered her dying on the operating table. So, it was a personal vendetta. “I’m sorry I couldn’t save her.” And she was. Sakura hated losing patients, and the war was just one death after another. She remembered every face. “If that’s what this is about, I promise that I did try.”_

_“No!” He cooed as he reached for her, running a dirty finger across her cheek, the cool blade of the kunai caressing her skin at the same time. “Not at all. I know you did everything you could to save Ami. You’re a _good_ person.” She looked for notes of sarcasm in his tone, but could find none. It seemed that her captor was just insane. Luckily for her, he seemed to like her. She would just need to keep him docile long enough for the rescue team to get to her. Well, that and to repair her side. _

_“My companions – the ones I was traveling with. What happened to them?” _

_“They’re fine – just fine.” Her assured. “They’ve lost their memories of the last week or so, but they’ll be home in no time. I didn’t want to hurt them. I’m not that kind of person.” His face was pleading for her to understand. “I only hurt people when they leave me no choice. Like the man that did that to your side. He wasn’t supposed to hurt you, he was just supposed to bring you here. I took care of him though. He can’t hurt you again.”_

_“Thank you.” Sakura forced out. “That’s very kind of you.” His wide smile told her she had said the right thing. “I’m sorry but I’ve forgotten your name.”_

_“Jin.” He said simply, reaching out to touch her hair. “After Ami died, I was devastated. At first, I _did _blame you. I’m not proud of that, but I was just _so_ upset. You understand; I know you do. You’re very understanding.” He was so fixated on her hair, he didn’t even seem to realize that he was talking. “I tracked down the doctor – you. I wanted revenge for what you did. But… then I saw you.” He nearly whimpered. “You were her – my Ami. I knew it the moment I saw you. We only ever had each other, and there she was again.”_

_“That’s very flattering. She was beautiful.” Keep him docile – she chanted in her mind. _

_“She was… She is.” It was a simple statement, but it sent a chill of dread up Sakura’s spine. “I visited you once at the hospital. I broke my own arm just to see you. I had to change my hair color of course – I wasn’t ready yet.” Sakura wished she could remember that day, but broken arms among ninja were as common as a cold. “You were patient and kind… and Ami. I knew what I had to do then.”_

_She swallowed, but he didn’t seem to notice. “Yeah? What’s that?”_

_“I had to get Ami back. You’re her – it was right in front of my face. Until now I’ve used my family’s specialty in mind jutsu’s to fight, but this – this is a much more worthy of a cause. It’s all been leading to this. I’ll fix you, Ami. I’ll take out all the wrong memories and put the right ones back. Then we can be happy again.”_

_He was going to brain wash her. “That sounds complicated.” _Please_ be complicated. She just needed to wait out the rescue team. _

_“No – not at all! Not for me! Don’t you remember, Ami? It’s my secret jutsu. You helped me develop it.”_

_“How could I have forgotten?” She smiled. “Can you remind me of how it works? You’re always so cool when you talk about your jutsu, big brother!” She was laying it on thick, but he seemed to be eating it up. So much so, that he didn’t notice her wince as she moved._

_“First, I’ll start by draining as much of your chakra as I can without killing you. Luckily for me, Diri was able to use his talents on this room. It’s draining your chakra as we speak. It’s draining mine too though, so I can’t stay for much longer. After that, I’ll have to break you of all those fake memories. Then, you’ll be ready Ami! That’s when my jutsu comes into play. I’ll take part of my chakra and place it in your mind as a wall. It’ll keep all those terrible memories away. I’ll even leave a little bit of you. We’re going to be so happy. Just like we were, you’ll see!”_

_She was glad that he was insane. A more skilled torturer would have taken advantage of the panic on her face. “That’s a great plan, Jin, but I’m hurt. If you don’t let me heal myself before my chakra gets too low, I’ll die.”_

_For the first time since she woke up, he frowned. “No… I just got you back.” He rose, eyeing the ropes cautiously. Again, his hand found her hair, his fingers moving along the crown now. Even if Sakura wanted to fight against him, she didn’t have the energy to do so. “I’m going to release your hands, Ami, but I need you to be good. Okay? Will you be good?”_

_“Yes, Jin.” Sakura replied weakly. “I’ll be good.” _

_The rope fell almost noiselessly to the ground as her arms dropped heavily. “Get some rest Ami. Tomorrow’s a big day." He gave her one more large smile before slipping from the room, a heavy lock sliding into place after him._

_She closed her eyes, being careful not to leave them closed for too long. She would have to tap into her seal. It would leave her defenseless, but if she didn't tap into her chakra stores now, she wouldn’t have enough to heal herself. With a silent curse, Sakura activated her seal, her glowing green hands moving to her side. _

_With the excess chakra came a cleared sense of mind. She would need to escape. She could try and wait on the rescue team – she knew her mind was strong enough. The problem was the room itself. It was designed to feed off of her chakra which meant the more she used, the more it took. There was a possibility of manipulating Jin himself. He seemed so desperate for Sakura to play the part of Ami that she mi-_

_Sakura’s brain halted along with her hands. “No…” She breathed, lifting up her ruined shirt. The gash that had been on her side was mostly healed, but would require more attention. She would find the strength to do it later. All that mattered now was the unfamiliar chakra flare she had felt while probing the damaged tissue. _

_Placing her glowing hands over her stomach, Sakura closed her eyes in concentration. She was careful, only using the lightest of touches. She had done this before for patients, but now the movements were born out of fear. There – it was there. Small, hardly a flicker, but it was _there_. She bit her lip against the sob that pushed its way out of her throat. The taste of blood filled her mouth, but she couldn’t release it, not until she came to terms with the reality of the situation. She was held captive by a mad man who wanted to erase her memory, and she was at least four weeks pregnant. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 3 More chapters left!


	14. Chapter Thirteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> HEAVY STUFF IN THIS CHAPTER!!  
You've been warned!

Chapter Thirteen

_It had been a little over a month since her capture, if her calculations were correct. Her room didn’t have any windows, but the baby made for a good calendar of sorts. She checked his growth, (she assumed it was a he) and went off of that. _

_Sakura had only been kept in the chakra room for a few days when she was forcefully removed. Apparently, there was a search party looking for her. One that included a large pack of dogs. The news had almost made her sob in relief, but the feeling was short-lived. She was sedated before she could protest, losing consciousness not long after a bag was thrown over her head. When she awoke, it was to a new room. Eavesdropping on her guards helped her find out it wasn’t just a new room, but a new village all together. _

_Jin kept a chakra bracelet on her after that. He would allow Sakura outside sometimes, as long as she promised to not run. And for some reason, she never did. This went on for two more weeks before she figured it out – he was hypnotizing her. Or at least, something close to it. All he had to do was touch her, and he could manipulate her mind. She would come back to herself hours later. A few of her early memories were already foggy. Slowly, she was forgetting._

_“It’s not so bad.” She cooed to the baby that couldn’t hear her as she laid in the simple bed that was provided. It was thin and dirty, but it was better than the floor. “You’ve got time – a lot of time. Daddy will find us. He always does.” She rubbed her hand along her stomach. It was only a little swollen at this point, but she worried Jin would figure it out soon. She used her chakra to counter her morning sickness, but it drained her quickly. “I know I told Daddy that we’d name you Obito, but how do you feel about Sakumo? I think it would mean a lot to him. We could call you Sake for short. I bet Tsunade would love that.” _

_Sakura pretended not to notice as the tears glided over her temples to settle in her hair. “Don’t hate me if you have pink hair, okay? Daddy’ll get you your very own mask to hide behind. If you’re anything like him, you’ll just be cooler because of it.” Her throat was tighter now, the words strained and shaky. “We love you, you know. Daddy doesn’t even know about you, but I promise he loves you. And your uncles and aunts! You have so many. You’ll never be alone. You’ll be the first of my generation to! That means when Ino-pig finally teaches Sai about sex, you’ll have a friend. You’ll always be the cooler, big cousin!” Her laugh was more of a sob. “I love you, alright? You are so loved.” _

_It was three days later that Sakura woke up in a pool of her own blood. By the fourth, she was Ami._

* * *

Summer 2016

They didn’t speak. In Sakura’s case, she wasn’t sure she _could_. Her brain was flooded with emotions, and pain, and _memories._

“Sakura…” Ino’s voice was careful as she touched Sakura’s arm.

Sakura blinked as she focused on Ino’s face. For some reason, she was surprised to find tears there. “I remember…”

“I know. I’m so sorry, Sakura. I’m sorry that you had to go through that, and I’m sorry that I had to remind you.” Her voice caught as her hand tightened on Sakura’s arm.

“No…” Her voice was weak and hoarse, like she had actually been sobbing. “I remember everything.” 

She remembered the memories that she had been grasping at for months now. Kakashi’s smile as he read, the way she felt waking up in his arms. She remembered playing with the pack on warm days as she worked through her own trauma from the war, and how the last thing her parents had ever said to her was about how proud they were. She remembered the hurt she had felt as Naruto and Sasuke left without a word, and how Ino and Sai had cut her off without meaning to. She remembered Tsunade’s tutelage, and the first time she had saved Genma’s life.

She _remembered_

It should have been a happy moment, but it was shadowed by the knowledge of what had caused her to lose them in the first place. “I have to find Kakashi… I have to tell him.”

“Wait!” Ino grabbed Sakura’s wrist as she stood. “Jin – I think I know him. He’s a distant cousin or something, related to me somehow on my father’s side. I remember because there was a lot of talk about shunning his branch of the family. There was something about them – something the rest of the clan shied away from. Apparently, the rumors were true.”

Sakura didn’t care. She didn’t care about Jin, or the memories that had been horded from her. All she cared about was finding Kakashi and telling him everything. “Tell Tsunade. I have to find him. I have to find Kakashi.”

She knew he would be in the market right now, and despite the fact that they agreed on chicken for dinner, he would undoubtedly be picking up eggplants that he would later claim were on sale. Even with the heaviness of her memories, Sakura couldn’t help but breathe a small, sad smile. It was nice to have knowledge like that back. It was stupid and trivial, but it was _theirs_. She easily spotted the unkempt tuft of silver hair over the crowd, her stomach erupting in butterflies. It was like she was really seeing him for the first time. The last six months had been like a bad dream – like she was sleep walking. She dreaded having to tell him what had happened. She dreaded forcing him to mourn another life. But at least they could grieve together.

She was so focused on Kakashi that she didn’t see the figure in the alley beside her, so she was unprepared when she was yanked off her path. “Don’t scream. Don’t move.” The voice commanded.

Outwardly, Sakura obeyed, but her heart raced at the sight of him. Jin’s smile had never seemed so sinister before. The hand that clutched her bare forearm tightened. “You’ve been acting out, Ami. I thought at first that the Leaf ninja had kidnapped my precious baby sister. Imagine my horror to find you here playing house with one of them. And after all that hard work I put into erasing this life.”

He lifted his free hand to her face, his finger twisting in a pink lock. “I guess I can’t blame you completely. I took shortcuts last time. I was too excited over having you back. I should have done what I wanted to and locked your entire conscious mind behind the wall along with your memories.”

_“I’ll even leave a little bit of you…”_

She wanted to scream as he lifted a glowing hand to her face. She had done it. She had _finally_ gotten her memories back, and now he was going to erase them again. No. If Jin’s words were to be believed, he was going to erase _her_. Kakashi was nearby, right? Maybe there was something she could do to get his attention. All she need was a chance. He would see what was happening and stop it. Drawing chakra into her fist, she fought against his hold. If she could make it strong enough, Kakashi would catch the flair of it. 

“Stop that.” And she did. This wasn’t a jutsu, and it wasn’t as simple as hypnotism. The only thing that would allow someone this kind of power would be a kekkei genkai, but she had never heard of one like this. “You’ve managed to rid yourself of my wall. I worked very hard on that, Ami.”

He tisked as his hand began to glow again. “Luckily, it doesn’t take long to construct the framework. And I don’t need it to hold long either. It’s good news for me. I can’t exactly cause another miscarriage to break your spirit again, now can I?”

She was sure, that just for a moment, her heart had stopped. Jin knew. He had known then, and he had used it against her. He wasn’t sick, he was _psychotic_. But he was also a lot smarter than Sakura had given him credit for. That was her fault. She underestimated her enemy. The worst part was that she had lived with him for the better part of three years and had no idea. She treated him as a brother, and he treated her as a sister. He always seemed a little off, but fairly harmless. They had drunk together, eaten together, fought together. They had shared laughs and stories that only the two of them knew. For those three years, he was the only family she knew… and it had all be a lie.

“I can’t have you breaking through the wall this time – flimsy as it is. Between it and this-“ He lifted the hand that held her wrist. “- It should be enough to get you out of the village come nightfall.” He smiled like he had the first time she met him. "See, Ami? I have it all figured out."

_No!_ She wouldn’t do it. She wouldn’t lose herself again. His smile dropped. “There it is again, that defiant look. You know how I feel about the look, Ami. I won’t be cutting corners again. I think it’s best to lock you away behind the wall too and let your body act off the interactions you’ve had since you’ve been here.” Sakura was sure that she would pass out from the want to scream. “It’s not a perfect solution, but I can’t risk puppeteering you myself. I haven’t gotten that jutsu worked out yet. People can be very unresponsive to an outside will.”

He sighed, dropping the hand on her face. “It’s not such a bad thing, Ami. You’ve always loved dolls. Now you are one. A perfect, beautiful doll.” He took long look at her, smiling with satisfaction. “Now, in a minute I’m going to let you go. Your _husband_,” he spat the word “is just around the corner. I want you to go home, keep things light, and when you get the chance, you’re going to say you have a headache. Once you’re away from him, you’re going to meet me on the bridge on the south edge of the village. Kill anyone that tries to stop you.” He shifted his hold on her arm to cup her hand. Smiling, Jin brought it to his lips. “We’re going to be happy again, Ami. I’ll never lose you again.”

“Sakura?” She heard Kakashi’s voice call. In the second it took her body to turn towards it, Jin had disappeared. “Are you okay? What are you doing out here?”

“I’m fine.” Sakura heard her own voice respond. She tried to scream that she was _not_ fine, but her face simply stretched into an easy smile. This was so much worse than losing her memories. She was a prisoner in her own mind.

“It looked like you were talking to someone.” Kakashi looked over her shoulder down the now empty alleyway.

“Oh yeah. That was just – Genma." He didn't seem to notice the hesitation in her voice. "He wanted to know if I wanted to go through some of our old Anbu training drills with him in case I get my memories back. Keep prepared and all that.” She smiled again. “And then he said something perverted and I hit him.”

Kakashi chuckled lightly. “That’s my girl.”

_No! It’s not! _Sakura thought in frustration. _Come on Kakashi! You’re smarter than this! I need you to figure this out before my body runs away with my mind!_

“So, I know we said chicken, but how do you feel about eggplant?”

There was a pause – minimal, but there. It was like the not-her was looking for the correct response. Sakura supposed she had been doing a lot of that. “Some of us can’t live off eggplant.” Not-her teased as she took one the bags from him. “But I’ll make the sacrifice if you cook.”

“I think that’s fair.”

Hell. This was hell. Surly, Sakura had wronged someone at one point or another for this to be happening. If they ever figured this out, it would be a very effective torture treatment. An hour of this, and black ops would be spilling their deepest secrets. She was forced to sit and watch as Not-her lived her life. She helped with dinner and joked about people they knew. She flirted with Kakashi and rubbed Pakkun’s belly. All while the real Sakura sat and watched, completely powerless to do anything.

“Do you mind cleaning up?” Not-her asked as soon as dinner was done. “I have a headache. I think I’m going to go lie down.”

_Kakashi! This is it! Do NOT let me leave!_

His brow furrowed in worry. “Are you sure? I could put on that show you like and turn down the lights. I’d hate for you to just hide away if you’re not feeling well.”

“I’m sure.” Not-her gave him a small smile before standing. “Don’t worry about me.”

As hard as Sakura willed her feet to stop, they didn’t. As soon as the bedroom door was closed, Not-her’s smile dropped. She just stood there. Like a doll. Unmoving, uncaring… dead. And that was really the truth of it. If she left now, the real Sakura would die. When the water started to run, Not-her moved towards the window.

There were no more options. Ino had taken too long. Kakashi had failed to see through the doll version of her, and Sakura… Sakura had figured it all out too late. She slipped from the window with the grace and speed only a trained kunoichi could possess. Carefully shutting the window behind her, Sakura turned and quietly climbed down the side of the building. Her apartment wasn’t on the top, but it wasn’t close to the ground either. She would have to stick to side streets if she didn’t want to be seen, and Not-her was determined to carry out her mission. Silently, Not-her landed in the alley behind the building, dusting her hands off on her pants.

“You know, I really didn’t think you’d go.” Kakashi’s voice wasn’t something Not-her had counted on. Her body jerked to a stop, blinking at the silver-haired ninja that leaned casually against the brick wall.

_Oh, Kakashi. You beautiful, beautiful man. If you can stall, I’ll do the rest._

“At first, when I heard you in the alley, I was upset. I thought... How could she do this to me? Was she lying the whole time? Was she just waiting until she could get away?”

_No! I wouldn’t do that! Okay, so I might have thought about it at first, but I didn’t do it!_

“And then, I gave you the chance to come clean. I asked who it was. And when you said you had a headache, I gave you the chance to back out.” He stepped closer.

_Yes! He has that look in his eyes. He’s got it. He knows! Ugh, I’m going to give you the kiss of your life!_

“But there were two things I couldn’t shake. The first is why you didn’t heal yourself. Sure, you’ve been apprehensive to use your chakra for medical purposes, but something like a headache is simple enough. Tsunade even mentioned that you helped Ino with one the other day. But I could excuse that. Maybe you were tired. Maybe you just wanted to wait it out.” He shrugged, now right in front of her. “You were close. You were _so_ close to getting away with it. But you slipped up long before dinner.”

_You are so sexy right now! Little spoon privileges for a month! Kick Not-me’s ass! I’ll heal myself afterward._

“When I asked who you were talking to in the alley you said it was Genma wanting to know if you wanted to run some Anbu training drills in case you got your memories back.” Not-her simply blinked. “The thing is, Sakura – _My _Sakura – memories or not, wouldn’t have said something so callous after the talk we had regarding the issue. _My_ Sakura would have found a nicer way to break it to me if that was something she wanted. The simplest answer is usually the correct one.” To someone that didn’t know him, the crinkle-eyed smile would seem genuine.

“You’re not _my_ Sakura.”

_Did I mention that I love you?_

“You have her body, and some of her mannerisms. You certainly have her chakra. I’m guessing the real Sakura is in there somewhere.” His head tilted to the side to look at something over Not-her’s shoulder. “Did I get that about right?”

“That seems to track with the information we’ve gathered.”

_Tsunade!_ Sakura was inwardly cheering now. _And Ino! Kisses! Kisses for all of you!_

“Sakura, if we got all of this correct, you can probably hear us right now.” Tsunade stepped in front of Kakashi, Ino over her shoulder. “You don’t have to worry about your body. Shikamaru’s got it under control.”

“Hey Sakura.” She inwardly laughed as her own hand rose in greeting. “Sorry I haven’t been by. New baby at home and all. Besides, I heard people were hounding you. Seemed like a drag.” 

“Do you really think now is the time for catching up!?” Ino shrieked from behind Tsunade.

“Idiots.” Tsunade grunted with a shake of her head. “To be safe, we’re going to have to sedate you. Once you’re out, Ino and I are going to clear out any foreign jutsu or chakra we find.” At this, her face fell. “She told me what the problem was before. I’m _so_ sorry, Sakura. We’ve got you now. You’ll be okay.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As heavy as this chapter is, it really help me up my cosplay game for[ Anbu Sakura!!](https://mymindsmadness.tumblr.com/post/189066527563/updated-anbusakura-cosplay-ft-healing-hand-and)


	15. Chapter Fourteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is it! This is the final chapter! But don't worry, there will also be an epilogue and a bonus scene!

Chapter Fourteen

There was a time when the sound of a beeping heart monitor was just background noise to Sakura. Now, having it invade her sleep and pull her into the bright white of a hospital room, she finally understood what all her patients had been complaining about. She was drowsy, but… okay. Typically, whenever she’d wake up in the hospital it was with some degree of pain. It would be something as simple as an ache that would cause her leg to cramp, or something as bad as three broken ribs and a shattered kneecap. That one had taken Tsunade two days to fix.

“You’re awake.” She smiled, even before he came into view. “How’s your head?” Kakashi hung over her, his face shadowed by the angle.

“I’ve had worse.” It throbbed a little, but nothing compared to what it had been the previous months. “Help me sit up?” He was on the button before she could finish her sentence.

“Should I get Tsunade?” If it wasn’t completely endearing, she would find his hovering annoying.

“Relax, Kakashi. I’m fine. Just a little drowsy.” That didn’t seem to put him at ease. “I knew you’d figure it out. Okay, I didn’t _know_, but I hoped really, _really_ hard.”

“I should have taken you straight to Tsunade. I just wasn’t positive.” Sighing, she pulled him by the vest into her, placing a kiss over his masked lips.

“That’s for rescuing me. When you see Tsunade and Ino, let them know that they have one coming too.”

He seemed to relax a bit at her teasing. “I’m not completely opposed. Of course, I’ll have to watch.” His face only perked slightly before falling again. “Sakura… Ino told me everything.”

Groaning, Sakura let her head fall back. “It says something that even with my memory gone, I didn’t trust her to keep a secret.” Letting her head fall to the side, she gave him a sad smile. “I was on my way to find you when Jin cornered me.”

“We got him. Long before we were even home. After I heard him in the alley, I had Pakkun alert Tsunade. He’s being held in interrogation now.” Even through the mask, she could spot his wicked smile. “Technically, you never officially retired from Anbu. I insisted that you be allowed to extract information from him if you wanted to.”

“Kami, I love you.” He froze, but only for a breath before he was pulling his mask down and kissing her again.

“You have no idea how long I’ve waited to hear you say that.” He breathed against her lips. “We should probably talk, huh?” He ran a hand over Sakura’s hair as she fought to keep her smile.

“I knew it would be bad – the reason I blocked off my memories. I just didn’t know-“ She moved on instinct as he lowered the railing of the bed. It was a tight fit, but he managed to lay beside her, his arms holing her tightly. How long had she missed this?

“I can’t imagine what you must have felt. I didn’t even live through it, and I can barely stand the thought. Tsunade won’t even let me interrogate him alone because she knows I’ll kill him.”

“He did it on purpose.” There was almost a a sense of wonder in her voice. “How? How could anyone hurt someone’s poor, innocent child without a second thought?” His arms tightened as she buried her face in his shirt. “As much as it hurts, I’m glad I remembered. He deserved to be remembered.”

“It was a boy?” Kakashi’s voice was rough in a way she hadn’t heard in years. Not since his dark day the first year she found him.

“I don’t know. It just felt insensitive to refer to him as _it._ He felt like a boy.”

Kakashi didn’t reply. He simply held her as they both mourned another life taken from them both far too soon. At least this time, they had someone to take their anger out on. 

“Fucking psychopath!” Sakura growled as her chakra-infused fist connected with the side of Jin’s jaw. It gave a satisfying _crunch_ as the chair he was tied to tipped over. “All the things you did to me! All those people you made me hurt! I’ll be funding several families for decades in an _attempt_ to right the wrongs that you did!” She was practically hissing as she brought her leg back and kicked him in the stomach. The pained sound that hissed out of him made her feel a bit better. But only a bit.

“Sakura!” Tsunade chastised but made no move to rectify the situation.

“Hit him again!” Kakashi called from his seat on the opposite side of the room. He had been allowed in the room under the condition that he wasn’t allowed to leave his chair. “Don’t hold back this time!”

“Hatake!”

“What!?” Sakura and Kakashi bit back at the same time, sharing the smallest of smiles when their eyes met.

It had pleased Sakura to no end when her out-patient files had read Sakura Hatake. She refused to be called by anything else after that. Despite the fact that she felt just fine, Tsunade made her wait nearly two months before she could get in to interrogate Jin. Which was really just political talk for _‘let them get the information they need and then you can smack him around for a while’. _

At first, it had bothered her. She wanted his blood. Maybe at one point in her life, Sakura would have excused his actions as a result of his sickness, but his own experiment had backfired on him. It was true that Sakura regained her memories, but it didn’t erase the years she had spent as a missionary. Jin had been too over protective to let her do anything other than take down petty thieves, but there were times she would join in raiding small, impoverished villages. She never killed any civilians directly, but she stood by and watched. That was just as bad. Sakura had been changed by those experiences. She was no longer afraid to hurt those that hurt her.

While she waited for her opportunity to give Jin what was owed to him, she set to work patching up the damage she had caused. Not all forgave her, but that was to be expected. After this – after Jin, it was a brand new start for them. New everything, starting with a new home. Well, new to them. They officially moved into the Hatake clan’s home that night.

“Great.” Tsunade moaned as Shizune went about healing Jin’s jaw. From the sound of it, she wasn’t being gentle. “Now there’s two of them to worry about.”

“Three.” Sakura replied offhandedly.

Shizune’s head jerked in her direction, but it was Tsunade that spoke. “Three? Are you telling me?” She looked torn between happy and angry that Sakura was even in the interrogation room in the first place.

“Yeah.” Kakashi answered with a tone that could only be described as prideful. “Sakura’s pregnant.”

“When were you going to tell me!? You shouldn’t be down here interrogating criminals!”

Sakura waved her off, cracking her knuckles as two masked Anbu lifted Jin’s chair. He was healed, but his face was still a swollen black and blue. Shizune had done the bare minimum. “Exercise is good for the baby.”

“Sakura…” Tsunade sighed and pulled the younger woman back. “I’ll tell you what, Kakashi. Why don’t you keep our boy company. Consider it a baby shower gift.”

Kakashi hopped up, already halfway across the room. Pausing by his wife, he gave her a quick kiss before bending at the waist to kiss her stomach as well. In a cheerful voice, he spoke to it. “Daddy’s going to go kill the bad man now. You probably shouldn’t watch.”

“You’re not killing anyone Hatake! I will not have you commit a murder and be sworn in as Hokage on the same day!” Tsunade rubbed her temples. Shizune, used to the warning signs appeared with a bottle of sake. “I’m so happy to be done with all of this.”

“How did he do it, by the way?” Sakura asked, ignoring the sounds of metal scraping and muffled screams. “Was it a kekkei genkai?”

“Nothing quite that special.” Even though Sakura’s back was to Kakashi, the wince on Shizune’s face spoke volumes. “It was a poison. Well, a secretion really. It comes from a frog that can be found in the Country of Rain. It uses it secretion to make its prey compliant and to ward off predators. Jin had been experimenting with the stuff for years, from what Ino could make out of his scrambled thoughts. He was actually a doctor at one point – if you can believe that. The stuff drove him crazy, especially when he started infusing it with his own chakra. We checked him over when he was admitted. His hands were caked in the stuff. Pair that with his family’s jutsu…” She sighed deeply. “Well, unofficially, Anbu’s interrogation unit is considering looking into being able to replicate the effects.”

“I’d be impressed if I wasn’t so sickened.” Sakura frowned, turning when she realized it was quiet. Jin laid in a crumpled heap, a wheezing sound indicating that he was still breathing (for the most part). Kakashi leaned casually against the interrogation table, his focus on the _Icha Icha_ book in his hands. “All done?”

“For now. I have an appointment to get to.”

“You were supposed to be sworn in twenty minutes ago, Kakashi.” Tsunade sounded defeated. “I’d give you a lecture about punctuality, but in a few minutes, it’ll be your problem anyway.” Grabbing the sake from Shizune, Tsunade lifted it in a mock solute before drinking straight from the bottle.

“So?” Kakashi questioned, his eyebrows raised. “What do you think?”

The room was filled to the brim with boxes, save for the wall their bed was pushed against. The window nearby was decorated with several familiar photos, and very resilient little plant. It would take them weeks to sort out the mess, especially on top of everything else that was now on their plates, but Sakura wouldn’t have it any other way. In the meantime, it made for a very interesting backdrop to a completely naked Kakashi Hatake. Well, he wasn’t completely naked. There was the hat after all.

“I think I just got pregnant all over again.” She joked as Kakashi tilted the brim of his hat to cover his scarred eye.

“I’m not sure that’s how this works, Doctor Hatake.” He hummed as he approached the bed.

“Then why don’t you teach me how it works, Lord Hokage?”

He crawled onto the foot of the bed, tossing the hat aside as he did so. “I prefer sensei.” He purred, his lips brushing her ankle. When he reached her stomach, his kiss turned tender. The moment would have been heartwarming if not for the devious smile that followed. “Though, _daddy_ is growing on me to.”

Her shrieking laughter was cut off as he kissed her soundly, his hands moving along the length of her body. “We should be unpacking.” She protested with not real conviction. “I want to find the camera.”

“The house isn’t going anywhere.” He countered as his kisses grew soft. “There's plenty of time to make new memories.”


	16. Chapter Fifteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is it! The very end! 
> 
> PLEASE read the next 'chapter'! It's a long ass note, yes, but it's also an update of my Anbu!Sakura cosplay, and a sneak peek at my new KakaSaku fic (post date TBD)!
> 
> Seriously, thank you!

Epilogue

“Rin Hatake!” Sakura called, her anger mostly for show. She didn’t have the energy to be angry, but if she started slipping on her ‘mom’ duties now, the kids would overthrow her. Especially since Rin was just assigned as one of her genin. “How many times do I have to tell you!? You can’t put kunai in the dishwasher!”

“It gets them clean!” Rin countered as she practically stormed into the kitchen. Rin was a beautiful girl with long, bright silver hair and striking green eyes. Unfortunately, she was aware that she had her father wrapped around her finger. Ino as a godmother certainly didn’t help with her attitude.

“It makes them rust. Not to mention your brother cut his hand on one the other day.”

“No, I cut my hand on one of dad’s –“ Obito paused mid-confession, his eyes widening slightly. “Never mind.”

Obi was a mini Kakashi in all ways but one. He had bright pink hair (though it stuck up just like his father's). It was something he often complained about until a girl on the playground dubbed it her favorite color. Now, he loved it. Sakura was sure that it would switch back to hatred by the time he joined the academy in the fall.

“We’re home!” Kakashi’s voice was a beacon of hope for Sakura’s patience. That is, until her eldest children screamed _‘your late!’_ in unison. It took her right back to her team seven days. “I had to stop at the baby ninja outlet and pick up a mask for Tsuki.”

“Kakashi, why can’t you just-“ Sakura’s words fell away as Kakashi removed his Hokage hat, revealing his face and their two year old at the same time. Tsuki was a happy girl with bright pink hair and deep grey eyes. She had a smile that no one could resist. Of course, that smile was currently hidden behind a tiny mask. “Where did you even-“

“I told you. Baby ninja outlet.” He smiled as he put their daughter down to roam. While she seemed perfectly content with her new mask, Kakashi removed his own to press a sweet kiss to Sakura’s lips.

“This is a madhouse.” Sakura laughed as she watched her older children fuss over the new accessory. Obi was already heading to their room to find one of his father’s.

“Yeah, but it’s _our_ madhouse.” Kakashi corrected, wrapping his arms around her and resting his chin on her shoulder. “Besides, I think we’ve got it figured out now. With Naruto being sworn in as Hokage next year, and you focusing on D-ranks with your new students, it’s only going to get easier.”

“Is that so?”

“Of course it is. Now we just have to sit back and enjoy the memories.”

“Kakashi?” He hummed, placing a soft kiss below her ear. “I’m pregnant.”

* * *

Bonus Scene

Kakashi stared lazily at the piles of paper that covered his desk. It was like they were reproducing. Perhaps they had picked up some of Sakura’s freakish fertility. She hummed from her little corner of the office, going over the same hospital files for the third time. The important ones sat perched on her rounded stomach. At her feet, Tsuki played with the disregarded ones, pretending to read them as intently as her mother before excitedly laughing. The process repeated itself every few minutes. Much to Sakura’s (faux) annoyance, Tsuki had become quite taken with her mask and now refused to take it off for anything other than baths and food.

Since Sakura entered her third trimester, Tsunade had banned her from leading her genin team. She even went as far as to take over the missions in Sakura’s place. Poor Rin didn’t know what she was getting into.

“You’re staring again.” Sakura smiled without looking up from her paperwork.

“Can’t help it. You know I find you irresistible when you’re pregnant.”

Her responding glare stopped whatever advances he had planned after that. “Last one, Kakashi. I’m serious. I’m becoming a cliché.”

“That’s what you said about Tsuki.”

“And I meant it then. It’s not my fault you bring that hat home with you.”

Before his smile could fully manifest, Shikamaru walked into his office with a thin stack of papers. “Lord Hokage.”

Kakashi had long since given up on trying to convince the younger man to stop calling him that. Shikamaru nodded a stiff hello in Sakura’s direction before settling with a pinched brow. Shikamaru’s pinched brow was never a good thing. It meant bad news. Bad news that required him to think hard. Shikamaru hardly ever had to work hard to solve a problem. All signs were pointing to Kakashi working overtime.

“You might as well say it.” He sighed. Even Sakura had stopped fidgeting with her papers in anticipation of whatever bad news he had.

“We’ve gotten word that there’s a team of Mist ninja on their way to the village. There’s a big reward for someone in their bingo book, and they’re looking to collect.”

Now it was Kakashi’s brow that pinched. “Who could possibly be worth all the trouble. Naruto? Sasuke? They haven’t been anywhere near the Hidden Mist in years. Even then, they would have told me about any possible diplomacy issues.”

“I’m going to let you boys talk this out.” Sakura said in a chipper voice, waddling her way to the edge of her armchair.

“A one Miss. Ami Takina aka Sakura Haruno aka Sakura Hatake.”

Sakura, who had finally managed to get to her feet before remembering their young daughter, froze. Kakashi stared at her in bewilderment as her eyes moved around the room like a caged animal’s. He was _so_ happy he hadn’t referred to her as an animal out loud. She had been a little _sensitive_ lately.

“On what grounds?” Kakashi eyes shifted back and forth between the two as the tension in the room grew thick.

Shikamaru looked uncomfortable. “I-uh. I don’t think I should say…”

Sakura worked up a pained smile that was almost closer to a grimace. “Sakura?”

“Well…” She opened and closed her mouth several times. “Let’s just say that it involved a cow, a substitution jutsu, and a Feudal Lord with _no_ sense of humor.”

“That…” Try as he might, Kakashi couldn’t put those three things together without the result leading to a war. Unaware of the tension in the room, Tsuki giggled loudly. _Glad somebody’s enjoying this_. “How?”

“Permission to speak freely?” Shikamaru asked. When Kakashi nodded, Shika’s face became pained. “You _really_ don’t want to know, Kakashi.”

“It wasn’t _that_ bad!” Sakura declared in the tone that told Kakashi it most certainly _was_ that bad.

“There are pictures.”

“Okay, so it was pretty bad.” She bit her thumb as Kakashi reached for the folder Shikamaru held. Flipping it open, they both winced at the picture on top.

“What exactly am I looking at here, and why do I suddenly want to become a vegetarian?” Kakashi’s wince only grew as he flipped the picture a few times.

“First page.” Shikamaru took a step back (flinched) from Sakura as she approached. 

“Oh…” Kakashi’s eyes widened in horror as he read. It was made all the more terrifying that he wasn’t even through the first paragraph, and already felt sick. “That poor cow…”

“Poor cow?” Shikamaru scoffed. “Page two. His elbow still doesn’t bend the right way.”

“That was an elbow!?” Kakashi’s terrified look brushed over his wife before turning back to the unsettling picture.

“No. That’s the cow.” Shikamaru shuttered as he pulled another photo from the back of the file. “_That’s _the elbow.”

“Actually, they’re both the elbow _and_ the cow.” Sakura offered. When both men turned to her with wide eyes, she made a show of rubbing her pregnant belly. “In my defense, I warned him not to touch me. If he had kept his hand to himself, his elbow would still bend inward, and that cow wouldn’t have had to live through that. Though, I don’t think it survived the night. I’m pretty sure they were going to eat it anyway. It had a long life.”

“I…” Kakashi was simultaneously impressed and terrified. “Is there anything we can do to negate this… this?” Kakashi asked Shikamaru as he closed the offending folder.

“I already have an apology gift on its way to the Feudal Lord. We’ll probably hear back from him before the Mist ninja arrive. Just to safe, I’ve also sent for a,” his gaze slid to Sakura, “replacement cow.”

“That _poor_ cow.” Kakashi repeated, shaking his head.

“Now that you mention it, I could do beef for dinner!” Sakura smiled as she struggled to lift Tsuki. Once the toddler was in her arms, Sakura bent to place a kiss on Kakashi’s masked cheek. “Don’t forget to pick Obi up on your way home. Love you!”

Both men stared at the door she exited through for several minutes after her departure. “Your wife is terrifying.”

Numbly, Kakashi nodded in agreement. “Remind me to never make her angry near a farm.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had waaaaaaay too much fun with the bonus scene. For those of you trying to figure it out, don't. I made it silly and vague on purpose. The only thing that fit the descriptions and would make sense is not something I feel like putting in writing, so just enjoy it for what it is lol. 
> 
> And in case you need a little more closure: Kakashi and Sakura's baby was a boy with silver hair and green eyes. They had two more kids after that (both boys) before Sakura threatened to [REDACTED]. Needless to say, Kakashi took the hint and 6 was more than enough.
> 
> Thank you again to everyone that took the time to read! I hope you've enjoyed it!


	17. A Note from the Author

Note from the Author

First of all, thank you for not skipping over this as I’m sure many people did!

I wanted to post this extra note as a thank you. And I know, I thanked all of you several million times over the last few days while posting these chapters, but I truly can’t stress enough how much this means to me.

Shit’s about to get real personal and deep, so if that’s not your jam (wow, way to date myself), look away.

I suffer from two mental illnesses. The first is Bi Polar II, which I’m sure most of you have heard of. Although it’s caused me trouble in the past, I can (and do) take medication for it. What I want to talk to you about is the second one. It’s a mental illness called Borderline Personality Disorder, or BPD. Unlike BPII, there is no medication for it. Don’t worry, it’s not as scary as it sounds, and there are therapy-based solutions to help, which I have been doing for about a year.

One of the biggest problems people with BPD suffer from is lack of personal identity. What that means is that we look for not only validation, but guidance on who we are through external sources. Because of this, I’ve been very hard on myself throughout my life and tended to compare myself to others. I’ve been writing for decades but have never thought my work good enough. Most of the time, I would get discouraged and stop halfway through.

The thing is, I know I’m not the best writer. Before you start smacking the keyboard, please understand that I’m not looking for compliments or comments to the contrary. Very few people are the best at something. Being able to post this story after being able to _admit_ that it isn’t the best is the point of all this. Despite the fact that there are things I would change, and the typos, and my excessive use of ellipsis, and commas (and parenthesis), and soooo many other things – I posted it. I posted it because I _enjoyed_ _writing it._ And that is a HUGE step for someone with BPD.

I’m thankful to those of you that read the story, and somehow managed to get this far without scrolling away, because this was a big step in overcoming my mental illness. There’s a chance I’ll never fully overcome it. There’s a chance that I might struggle with BPD for the rest of my life. But I took this step, and you were there with me.

So _really_, thank you.

* * *

**Finally! Here is a look at my upcoming KakaSaku fic.**

It's much darker, so be warned! Please keep in mind that this is just the first draft and parts may chance.

Summary:_ Joining ANBU had been the final act of a desperate woman after her marriage fell apart. She never expected it to be the thing that made her connections deeper._

_But Sakura Haruno had never been good when it came to talking about her problems. That was a dangerous thing when the ghosts of the actions you had to take in the name of duty haunted you. Enter Kakashi Hatake. He’d always been there when she needed him, and this time he comes baring libations._

_Maybe together, they could find something worth living for. _

Preface

When Sakura had joined Anbu, she knew that this day would come. If she were being honest, she would admit that it wasn’t even as bad as it could have been. It still hurt… there was always hurt. Perhaps she had stars in her eyes the first time she slipped on the porcelain mask. She dreamed of doing something worthwhile. Something that made a difference to the village. Even if she didn’t get the recognition, it wouldn’t matter. After all, Sakura’s achievements had been looked over her whole life. At least this time, it was her own choice.

“There’s nothing you could have done.” Shikamaru’s flat tone was softer than usual.

“I know.”

She remembered how detached he had seemed growing up. It was a running joke for their generation._ Shikamaru Nara. Laziest shinobi to ever come out of Konoha._ It wasn’t detachment, she knew that now. Working with a group of elite ninja who were constantly surrounded by death – _that_ had taught Sakura what detachment was. Even when his tone was level, there was something behind it. She was glad that they shared a unit. Maybe she could learn to take things as well as he did.

He didn’t look away from the inferno as he handed her a smooth glass bottle. _Red Label_. It was the unofficial saké of the Anbu Black Ops. It was cheap and strong enough to knock Tsunade on her ass. Years before Sakura had ever dawned the mask, it became tradition to buy a bottle for an agent that had suffered a bad mission. That ranged in everything from failing their objective to losing a member of their team. It was Sakura’s first bottle.

She winced against the burn as the smooth liquid passed over her tongue. Six. The child couldn't have been any older than six. He hadn’t even known what was happening when the rogue nin decided to barge into his room in an attempt to escape her team. Sakura didn’t get the chance to explain it to him before the entire house lit like the funeral pyre it had become thanks to a panicked jutsu from a coward shinobi. 

“Does it get easier?”

Her voice sounded almost emotionless. It was preferable, she supposed. She wasn’t supposed to break down. She wasn’t supposed to _feel_. That was the problem with being a medic. She got into the field because she _did_ feel.

“No.” Genma spoke honestly, the senbon in his mouth switching sides as the blazing roof finally gave way to collapse in on itself.

When the fire died, the three replaced their masks and made their way back home. All that was left in their wake was a pile of ash and an empty glass bottle.

The first time she lost a team member was harder. He had been young – only seventeen. He was fresh out of training and excited to be out in the field. Sakura was sure she would never forget the terror in his eyes – the moment of fearful realization – as he looked to her. She was the medic, after all. The kunai had punctured an artery. No matter how much chakra she pumped into him, there was no way to stop the bleeding, not with their enemies closing in. She wasn’t even able to bring his body home to his mother.

That was the first night Kakashi showed up at her door with a bottle of _Red Label_.

“You’re not supposed to know any of the details.” Sakura said plainly, but stepped aside to let him in.

“For a secret organization, Black Ops are terrible gossips.” He had been to her home enough to know where she kept the glasses. By the time she followed him into the kitchen, the saké was already poured. “Genma got sent back out. He told me what happened.”

“I forget sometimes that you were Anbu.” She admitted, taking her glass without hesitation. She was starting to associate the burn with loss. There was something almost poetic in that.

“Once Anbu, always Anbu.” It spoke to her mood that she hardly reacted when he tugged down the mask he had worn her whole life to drain his own cup. Later, she would chastise herself for not memorizing the details.

“I left him…” She admitted, her eyes staring into the table top as Kakashi poured another round. “I abandoned his body in enemy territory. I couldn’t even watch when Shika destroyed it.”

It had been an explosion. She was sure that if she closed her eyes she could still feel the vibrations. It wasn’t Shikamaru’s style. It was the act of a desperate agent following orders. The kid’s body held too many of Konoha’s secrets. There could be nothing left behind. It startled Sakura to realize that she hadn’t even known his name. It wasn’t out of callousness or lack of interest. She just hadn’t had time to ask it. Given the nature of their work, no one would ever know just what he had died for. A nameless kid in a porcelain mask that would never be put to rest.

“You followed orders.” Kakashi said simply as he nudged her cup with one long finger. “Drink.”

The first time Sakura bought a bottle of _Red Label_, it was for Kakashi. She had been filing a mission report at headquarters when she got the news. Kakashi was back in the village, and he was hurt. More than that, his mission had been a hard one.

Despite the whispers, no one seemed to know just what his objective had been. All they knew was that the Copy Nin only got pulled back in for the worst cases. So she picked up the largest bottle she could find and made her way to the familiar apartment.

Sakura didn’t bother knocking on his front door, not when she knew he wouldn’t answer. Taking the faint glow of his bedroom light as an invitation, she jumped her way up the side of his building and through the cracked window. He didn’t look up as her feet landed softly on his floor. He simply sat on the edge of his bed, uniform in tatters and head hanging heavily in his hands. Although she couldn’t see it, the smell of blood hung heavy in the air. He didn’t lift his head until she reached his side, placing the heavy bottle in his now vacant hands. Now that she was closer, she could make out the large gash that started at his shoulder and disappeared under the back of his shirt.

Wordlessly, Sakura tore the already ripped fabric. She scoped out the damage with professional eye before setting to work, her hands glowing a faint green as he popped the seal on the bottle.

“I had to kill a child today.” His words were hollow, but she could tell from his tone that the pain would come later. It always did. She was thankful when her hands didn’t falter. “He lost control of his kekkei genkai. Ten people were dead before I even got there. The village saw no other way to save the rest of their people...” She didn't acknowledge when his eyes pinched tightly shut. “He was ten.”

“You were following orders.” She replied softly. “Drink.”

He did.


End file.
